honestly GOOD. all that tells me is that he's probably afraid of me like the insecure piece of shit he is. I hope I put the fear of Glob into his ass bc I hate his guts. hope everything he eats from now til his end gives him the runs

he's part of the reason I lost my old job as far as I'm concerned

I'm starting to get PTSD from this doorbell I stg. probably just from him being a fucking asshole, but I hate the noises of them so much. it's obnoxious

maybe I'll set a timer or alarm for Thursday about 2 hours before my shift so I can call out without getting written up as a little treat 🫣

either way, seeking reconnecting w/ my therapist as soon as humanely possible. wish me luck, as I've been playing phone tag with her forever now
🤞🏻🍀🙏🏻

but I feel like regardless there's a lot of shit I gotta work on B4 I can get past this mental block or whatever it is

or maybe this is just a new season of my life and it's just okay for it to be different regardless of the circumstances. IDK I guess we'll see

not looking for advice or anything like that).

maybe it's the depression things getting more intense, maybe recently it's the fact that I've fallen off my HRT schedule for the past few months, maybe it's some PTSD shit from being houseless and the instability of all that. maybe it's all the above

I have a lot of respect for those that can just do it as a job & work through that, for me I was mostly just filming when horny & didn't set up specific times for that. maybe that wasn't smart & I should have just treated it more like a job (comments are off btw bc this is just me venting...

I feel like this is a huge change from how I used to be. I went from basically hypersexual to asexual in a very short time period. even by myself I just don't have a sex drive like I used to

& I know asexual workers exist & have to work regardless bc they gotta support themselves, but I just cannot

this last one I really wanna keep the same savoriness, but maybe like half/one fourth less as spicy. I know I can handle this spice level now but I kinda wanna be able to bring some over to my client's house and share it without putting her in a fiery lava mouth time lol.

she does not do spicy much

this latest batch was a lot more spicy and savory than the first one I made B4 that. on batch 3 I'm gonna at least try to take some notes so I can try to keep track of what I do and do not like about it so I can really nail down my fave techniques and make it my own 😁💜

also much like the old school kimchi-making veterans, I don't usually follow a strict recipe. I just use a couple recipes as a guideline and then follow my heart on the measurements. which is fun bc it's always a little different, but it's also surprising bc it can get a little inconsistent. like..

I love for me bc yay I'm good at making it, but it also makes me sad that I wasted $7 on this small 16oz container when I could have doubled that money on the veggies and then made like at least 8 times that amount 😭

I didnt have to stop bc she and her possible sibling sat next to me at the bus stop and I could literally smell the drink 😭

not a fan of them so it wasn't a good time

or at the very least can they put his husband into their system and add him to my client list because if I'm going to do all this work I might as well get paid for it

and telling them I no longer can work for her because this is ridiculous. THIS IS HIS JOB, NOT MINE. HE IS HIS FATHER'S AIDE. WHY DOESN'T HE FUCKING ACT LIKE IT???

he knew SINCE FRIDAY AND LIKE 3 WEEKS B4 THAT HE HAD THIS DR. APPOINTMENT. I literally made calls all day on Fri from the beginning of the shift to the end of my shift to make sure he was taken care of. NO that's not in my client's plan of care list. I'm this close to calling the agency