this is probably a topic I should bring up to my therapist tbh. I just don't know how to bring it up because it's a conversation I've never had in-person due to the fear of how people will view me and because of current events going on.

one day I just hope to be free...

honestly, the digital circus episode didn't help much with that either 😵‍💫

(good episode though)

I just hope one day, things will get better.

I think my main problem right now, is that when I stop looking at that, or stop working on game dev stuff, everything starts flooding back in my mind and makes everything seem... sour, spiteful, or just plain saddening.

I'm hoping to find a way to stop those thoughts, but it's been getting harder.

oddly enough, checking PAC-MAN WORLD 2 Re-PAC updates they have been posting has also been a good distraction.

I'm kind of glad they announced that game when they did, It's been giving me something to look forward to that doesn't feel too far away from now.

I always feel bad going into all of this when I do, so I'm probably going to use this account more for that so I don't keep worrying people on my main, but still have a place to get all of these bad thoughts out of my head.

I can't bottle everything up anymore. I'm tired of pretending I'm ok.

I should be happy when people come to see me.

I should be happy when people tell me they care about me.

I should be happy when people tell me they "love" me.

yet... I'm not. It just makes me sad when I hear or see those things.

my therapist told me that it was good for me mentally to take time to draw how I feel and / or what worries me to help get the thoughts and ideas out of my head.

considering this is my mature account, I hope you don't mind if these end up getting posted here more often (labeled of course)

It might also be used for discussion of serious topics that I don't want to talk about on my main account, since I want to keep my main account friendly, safe, and mostly positive.

but in the end, I wouldn't expect too much from this account lol. It's probably barley going to be used.

The two Eggmen are looking down at him.