again my flaw is not just walking away and accepting that they're unruly cretins for whom there is no recourse but a muzzle. But i. Don't like making people feel bad. + It's like a gambling addiction bc every 1/5 times they WILL just listen when i set a boundary

im not trying to be an asshole but i physically cannot cope with what u are trying to do/say and I just want u to STOP instead of having to rudely walk away completely. It's not my fault ur so fucked up and unlovable that u can't respect boundaries

"I WAS OFFERING TO HELP!!!!!!!!" AFTER I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU 9 TIMES THAT YOUR "HELP" WOULD GREATLY UPSET ME

Meanwhile i was going like 20 max lmao

I looked away from the road for 3 seconds with those headphones in and it was over. donesies. I'm just now hours later finally starting to feel just slightly like i didn't actually kill someone but wuff

I was driving home and made the HUGE mistake of putting 2 earbuds in for 30 seconds even though i knowwwwww it makes me paranoid that i'll miss some warning. Well buddy i can't tell you how sure i am i killed someone

so it's like cool. My only coping skill today is "button that makes you feel so sick you're too busy to freak out"

Idk what it means, but every time my body does this, it seems to mean "don't drink. It won't work." If i try to drink anyway I almost always get super sick almost immediately and not get drunk at all.

And now i'm getting hit with a huge wave of nausea. eeeyuck.

Fuck it we stay mustering our last shreds of neuroplasticity to mount a last ditch effort to form basic emotional maturity & individuality

Lately I kept revisiting those BPD feelings from my peak instability era (16-20). Wasn't sure why. But I think I needed to connect it to its source and feel it as it was supposed to be felt 20 years ago