‘This would’ve been really good in like 2015’ - my bf reading my Bluesky tweets a minute ago

Uhmm has anyone seen my friends? I want to keep them close. Not as close as my enemies, mind you

revealed: dr. dre's first name is Deidre

Let’s rock paper scissors for who has to endure the drain of life itself that is the 9-5

You can break my bones but you can’t break my soul. But please don’t break my bones again because the doctor says it’s not recommended during the healing process. I’d let you try my soul but see above for what the outcome is most likely to be

Where did the time go? I just wanna talk. Tell him I have beans

Wait, you guys aren’t experiencing deep despair, loneliness, and an overwhelming desire to wither away during a hangover? I must have been spiked

Look, I don’t care if you believe me or not, the fact is my tooth was under my pillow when I went to bed and when I woke up there was a £5 note. There is not and cannot be another explanation.

Blood, sweat and tears are secreted from the body? Not much of a secret now that you’ve told me

Bemused, I swung my neck to see who was behind me… ‘hoo!’ I uttered.

Cute or not, kids are just not sustainable right now, Barbara, there’s a climate emergency and you wanna add an extra pair of carbon footprints? Come to think about it that does sound reaallyyy cute barb I’m comin over

My favourite thing about one of my human rights modules is that today someone suggested that we just have a global war to figure out who’s the best and go from there

This is refreshing