how much I miss talking to others more when a new aoex chapter drops, how much I miss doing so many things and also just how much I miss my sister and all these things connect leading me to be stuck and do nothing.

hopefully I can find out how to heal and be able to do more again like before.

I'm still figuring out how to deal with this all...

but felt this part was something I've needed to say for awhile, I try not to say things so personal like this on my social media these days but think I needed this

I needed to express how much I do miss drawing RinShi and sharing my art

how to be happy and show how much something means to me and show my emotions but also knowing it's okay to feel sadness because the loss I've had in my life

but it hurts because it's gotten to where it now affects even me making art but especially for something I love as much I love RinShi and AoEx

I want so BADLY to be happy and enjoy AoEx and RinShi to the fullest, to put my heart into what I wanna create but I feel so trapped by this loss and it slowly hits everything important to me

I'm trying my best and wanna do so much and share so much but it seems I'm always so lost on how to do so

I wanted to make to celebrate them with sadness or like I wasn't able to truly express how happy it makes me seeing Rin and Shiemi finally together

but I have to accept no matter what... since my sister is no longer alive every happy moment will come with sadness because I wanna share it with her

to make so much to celebrate it, but since it happened in june (the same month my sister died) I wasn't in the right headspace to actually do anything I wanted to celebrate in the way I wanted

and afterwards all these months later I was still so stuck... I think I was afraid to taint anything

I try so hard to bury down so much of what I feel, to keep moving forward and try to not burden others with how much it still kills me inside so strongly honestly

I'm always still trying the best I can, but sometimes like now the pain comes back stronger than ever and the pain that loss has left

it's been two years and each year that passes it doesn't feel like it gets easier... it's just the pain turns to a numb feeling that I can manage when not focused on it

but times like today... the pain comes back full force and just... I miss my sister so much and life is still unfair that she died

I keep thinking one day things will get easier to navigate keeping moving forward and stuff

I do have my coping and at times things are a lot better, but deep down I know I'm never gonna fully heal from this, forever trapped in the moment it all happened and the pain of loss

I guess that means in addition to my usual AoEx art and especially RinShi as per usual maybe also expect me to at some point starting to post Wuthering Waves fanart from time to time

but especially me drawing Jinhsi because I love her so much

even if you don’t play often at least you’ve gotten some of the really cool characters! (Rip I still don’t have Xiangli Yao or Changli hopefully when they get a rerun eventually lol)

ayeeeee congratulations! he’s such a cool character so def worth getting him! (I also got him and he’s really fun to play)

also love you pointing out his "older sibling syndrome" because it is a big one for him, he wants to handle things peacefully and is used to swallowing down and suppressing a lot of things that he doesn't even realize at times he's doing it

Rin has a lot to unpack at some point...

I really loved Yukio calling him out a bit, because now that Yukio is in a better place he's starting to see through a lot of the walls Rin puts up or the ways he tends to be avoidant on things he doesn't know how to handle or deal with

like Rin does have a lot of issues even if he hides them well

that was fun! def gotta do that again in the future!

just figured would reassure a bit the novels do not actually have that at all or any explicit scenes with the main couple actually (which would be… really uncomfortable and stuff considering during those events they are minors on top of it all)

but yeah dunno if knowing this helps at all though lol

oh lord sorry he subjected you to that omg

Though will say while I know the existence of that is cringe in all senses of the word, though tbf it’s not actually from the books and is not canon (the author wrote it back when was a web novel and was in the fanfic section or something? like that iirc)