Filling it out did eat energy and give me hand and wrist pain but the really fatiguing part was going out to fax it. I didn't even drive myself and I'm completely wiped out. (Shoutout to my fiance for driving me around and filling out parts of the form that I dictated when my pain got too severe. 💜)

It's not just frustrating, it's genuinely hurtful. Like I said, stress headache. Already my physical pain and mental state are worse. It is going to worsen my fatigue once I go to complete it as well. My lawyer cannot complete it for me, nor can my doctor. It's a spiked hurdle for me specifically.

Every step of this process exists to prevent disabled people from actually getting benefits, but this is probably one of the most transparent once you've made it far enough to be told that the judges don't trust what you or the loved ones in your unpaid support network tell them.

It's extra frustrating the second time around because I've already been to an administrative law judge hearing for my previous application where it was made clear to me that my testimony as to my own condition is not considered valid evidence.

The sitting and repetitive motion demands of either would severely limit how much I could do. I already struggle with gaming or drawing just for myself

If my work is too light my pain flares up. If it's too strenuous my fatigue flares up. I get stubborn repetitive motion injuries regardless of how heavy or light the work is. What even are my options at this point? YouTuber? Pet sitter?

Perhaps also if we didn't have a system of global economics that encourages food producers to sell food with lead or cesium in it

WWI: U.S. needs workers to replace its soldiers and can't recruit outside the Western Hemisphere. Actively recruits Mexicans.
Great Depression: We can't have these filthy foreigners living on our welfare! Deport them!
WWII: Haha hey can you all come back? We promise to treat you better this time! 🤞🏻

It's a classic cycle. Government and corporations turn to minorities, women, and foreigners for cheap labor during times of war or to avoid paying out to more privileged/unionized citizens, and then they scapegoat their marginalized laborers for the economic struggles of the rest of the citizenry.

I've thought about contacting the benefits office again on the chance that I might get someone who understands what I'm asking, but the problem is that even if I do get an answer from them I couldn't actually trust it. There's no accountability for them sharing wrong or incomplete information.

I got directed via the bar association to a law firm that deals in Medicaid law and left them a voicemail. Maybe they can shine some light on this.