Call me a Parisian cafe the way I hate ICE

Butter: what’s up man I’m butter.

Clarified Butter: hey I’m butter. you remember, right? Dairy product! Made from the fat and protein components of churned cream? Semi-solid emulsion at room temp…80% butterfat…not ringing any bells?

I was well until your email found me. On the lam, I was. A tiresome but invigorating existence. The end is nigh. Your email knows this — it’s me or him.

Yeah I’m a gladiator. Glad I ate ‘er pussy lol

Requesting an airport wheelchair and guide so that I don’t have to walk to my gate and potentially hurt my gains

i cant imagine what itd take to be a "top performer" at the depraved & miserable meta corporation. Is it whoever clogs the toilet the most?

Department stores in the suburbs are big as hell 😮‍💨 “can I help you find anything?” Yeah boss how bout my WIFE 🤣

Announcement just came over the PA on my flight that someone dropped an iPhone 6 and can’t find it. I hope there’s an archaeologist on board

Anyone know Elon’s handle on here

People are saying that the American Airlines crash is the deadliest US air disaster since 2001. What happened in 2001?

Absolutely smashed on the plane, quietly sobbing in the exit row while reading the safety information graphic novel