All I can do is step on the gas, close my eyes and hope for the best.

But it's so dark, and so very cold and I...

I don't know that I have any left.

Hope, that is.

Reset me to zero.

I

I don't think I'd survive that.

I think nmthst would truly just be my breaking point and

I hate it

I can picture it so clearly and vividly I feel almost as if it's inevitable, and yet that is a future I want to avoid at all costs

...and yet this ride has no breaks.

I'm finally at a point in my life where it feels like things could change for the better, like I have something to look forward to!

And yet, the abyss looms ever closer, threatening to swallow me whole, to take back everything I've worked so hard for, to erase all the progress I've made and just...

And I can't see the end of that road. Nobody can, really. But regardless, it feels like I'm flooring the gas and hurting towards an abyss I can't see, like any moment the road will just drop out from beneath me and then...
That will be it.

I don't want that. I don't want things to end!

I've. Been there before.

I don't want to go back.

But, do I really have a choice?

I don't know that I really do

And I know how deterministic and self destructive that thought is, but I really can't help it.

Sometimes I step outside myself, I take in where I'm at and where I'm going...

Like. I know things can't stay the same way forever but...

Who ever said that means that things have to change for the good?

I just look at myself and I can't help but wonder...

What if I just keep getting worse? Just spiral further and further until... I just...

Can't.

Wait, it was the battery a I'd spaghetti stream???

Also no, my tummy too weak

I would combust

Oh no ot was way more then 50 I'm sure

As long as this doesn't end the way the nearly 50 orange tic tacs in one stream did lmao (I can't recall if it was higher or lower then that, just that in high numbers it can be a laxative)