today was a pretty nice day. The weather was good, I got to hang out with my friends, I ate some chicken. I'm afraid I'm going to go back to a slump again. I hate this.

gah I feel bad. Literally nobody's special person. everybody has somebody, but me it seems. I'll go cry alone, I hope everyone else has a good valentines day though. Happy valentines day to all my chooms out there!

No valentine for the 17th year in a row. As much as I want to know what love feels like, I am too immature and unstable to properly be in a relationship probably. There are times I just wish and pray that such a thing could heal me. Give me a purpose. Make me happy. Probably wouldn't

jealous of so many people. They have things that interest them and make them passionate, while I am stuck feeling like shit and losing enjoyment over the things I liked to do. I don't play as many video games, I don't draw, I don't talk to people. I literally do jackshit and stare into space.

I'm lowkey contemplating ghosting all my friends in my life. Like I doubt any of them would care. Like none of them rly intiate conversation except a couple of them. I'm being selfish. I hate myself. I rly like wanna scratch my face off

mili is soooo goated I love listening to mili.

Gahhh I might be like bisexual or some shit. Looking back on my life, I've been curious about kissing guys and shit. Like a lot of times like it's honestly rly crazy. I don't think I am considering how many more times I've felt genuine feelings for girls though. No man has ever made my heart flutter

I've gotten so impulsive and like crazy with the shit I do recently. I am glad I've cut down on porn and have become pysically active again, but like I'm actually so much more fucked in the head than I used to be. I want to be alone but I want to be like friends yk. I'm so anxious I hate these days.

I accidentally probably fucked up my friendship with one of my closest friends too this year... I hate myself. I've been on a steady mental decline and I just don't know what to do. I wish I could ask for help, I wish I could talk about it, but honestly at this point I'd be sent to the like asylum.

Junior year ltrly has me so anxious and stressed. I have such hard classes, I don't think any of my friendships are probably working out, and have relapsed into self-harm. I'm left looking at everyone and being jealous they all have such good like friendships. I hate myself for that.