excuse my big self pity party but my life is a fucking joke. nothing can ever happen at a pace i can handle. it always has to test juuuust how bad my suicidal ideation can get until the day something happens where i do end up killing myself

communicated to me, all the while still refusing to tell me himself. and no my car’s been towed. my legs are completely numb and i probably have the same autoimmune disorder my dad had that nearly left him unable to walk. i still don’t have ins cos the state is fucking with me

but wouldnt tell me himself, then friend who was going to move in decided not to (i dont fault them, they are allowed), and then ex roommate actually decided he’s not going to pay any of the rent he agreed to until february unless we got a roommate sooner because he’s mad at something he never

it feels impossible to explain the trap that being disabled in this country is to someone who SHOULD understand but had the resources to be able to be financially independent, with supportive family who dont live in poverty

idk how to handle the constant hits to my stability. idk how to mentally comprehend constant housing instability on top of feeling like my body is crumbling under me. idk what to do to fix any of this, it feels like every improvement i make is met with 5 things that dig me deeper

i love to make a satisfying meal that makes me feel good abt my body….i love to eat good vegetables