The Longest Johnson
@enginizzle.bsky.social
Intersex, enby, ace, aro. My gender is yes, and my sexuality is no. I don't fit in a box; if people were meant to fit in boxes, we'd all have been born square.
Proud furry, haters can go drink from the toilet. 🚽
Proud furry, haters can go drink from the toilet. 🚽
Boi your junk so rancid it's not a PP, it's a PU
January 3, 2026 at 1:18 AM
Boi your junk so rancid it's not a PP, it's a PU
People who played Zelda OoT and MM young understand a phenom that few others can: the well-induced trauma response. I still don't want to go down those things in games to this day, even non-Zelda titles! #zelda #ocarinaoftime #majorasmask #nintendo #horror
October 20, 2025 at 2:38 AM
People who played Zelda OoT and MM young understand a phenom that few others can: the well-induced trauma response. I still don't want to go down those things in games to this day, even non-Zelda titles! #zelda #ocarinaoftime #majorasmask #nintendo #horror
Hey! Buc-ee's employee here. Satan called. He says if y'all run that "bussy" meme any further into the ground, it's gonna put a hole in his ceiling, and we just don't have the budget to pay for repairs in Hell. Please come up with better jokes. #buc-ee's
October 14, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Hey! Buc-ee's employee here. Satan called. He says if y'all run that "bussy" meme any further into the ground, it's gonna put a hole in his ceiling, and we just don't have the budget to pay for repairs in Hell. Please come up with better jokes. #buc-ee's
I work at Buc-ee's, and people who shop there are usually on the road to go somewhere, so they're in a bit of a rush. And when you rush in someplace, sometimes you leave things in the car, like your phone or wallet. Or in the case of some of y'all, your manners.
October 14, 2025 at 4:30 AM
I work at Buc-ee's, and people who shop there are usually on the road to go somewhere, so they're in a bit of a rush. And when you rush in someplace, sometimes you leave things in the car, like your phone or wallet. Or in the case of some of y'all, your manners.
I remember the days when we had a special title for people with no capacity for empathy or remorse, and it wasn't "role model" or "leadership material." I seem to remember it being something along the lines of... "sociopath" or some such. Generally wasn't considered a good quality.
October 4, 2025 at 2:49 AM
I remember the days when we had a special title for people with no capacity for empathy or remorse, and it wasn't "role model" or "leadership material." I seem to remember it being something along the lines of... "sociopath" or some such. Generally wasn't considered a good quality.
Idk how many people need to hear this but not being an asshole to people is a good thing actually
August 22, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Idk how many people need to hear this but not being an asshole to people is a good thing actually
The feeling when ur ace-aro and someone at work is all up on your pebis
August 16, 2025 at 3:51 AM
The feeling when ur ace-aro and someone at work is all up on your pebis
Thrill of the chase? Yeah right. Only way to get me to chase anybody is taping a handful of Benjies to their back. Not interested, never will be. #asexual #aromantic #acearo
July 13, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Thrill of the chase? Yeah right. Only way to get me to chase anybody is taping a handful of Benjies to their back. Not interested, never will be. #asexual #aromantic #acearo
Samus is amazing. I kinda want to be Samus, but then there'd be two Samuses running around, and we've all seen how well that tends to turn out. Twice is waaaay more than enough. #metroid #metroidfusion #metroidprimetrilogy #darksamus #sa-x #nintendo
July 10, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Samus is amazing. I kinda want to be Samus, but then there'd be two Samuses running around, and we've all seen how well that tends to turn out. Twice is waaaay more than enough. #metroid #metroidfusion #metroidprimetrilogy #darksamus #sa-x #nintendo
That feeling when someone demands a full explanation of what "intersex" is, but you know most of the words will be too advanced for them to understand. Sorry, but my gender requires a minimum of a 3rd grade reading level to unlock. Pick up a damn book and try again later. #intersex #queer #lgbtq+
July 7, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Young man to woman: Not all men are dangerous. Quit being dramatic.
Father to daughter: All men are dangerous and you should never trust or interact with them.
#feminism #makeitmakesense #toxicmasculinity
Father to daughter: All men are dangerous and you should never trust or interact with them.
#feminism #makeitmakesense #toxicmasculinity
July 6, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Young man to woman: Not all men are dangerous. Quit being dramatic.
Father to daughter: All men are dangerous and you should never trust or interact with them.
#feminism #makeitmakesense #toxicmasculinity
Father to daughter: All men are dangerous and you should never trust or interact with them.
#feminism #makeitmakesense #toxicmasculinity
What's so great about a love interest that plays hard to get? You tell me "no," I back off. If you meant it, I don't waste my time or yours. If you said "no" just to toy with me or test me, that's called "lying," and I just dodged a bullet with a dishonest person. 🚩🚩🚩
July 3, 2025 at 6:45 PM
What's so great about a love interest that plays hard to get? You tell me "no," I back off. If you meant it, I don't waste my time or yours. If you said "no" just to toy with me or test me, that's called "lying," and I just dodged a bullet with a dishonest person. 🚩🚩🚩
My respect doesn't need to be earned: it is given by default. It can, however, be lost, and once you do, you're not getting it back. Dunno if that makes me weird or petty or anything, but that's how it is.
July 3, 2025 at 5:21 AM
My respect doesn't need to be earned: it is given by default. It can, however, be lost, and once you do, you're not getting it back. Dunno if that makes me weird or petty or anything, but that's how it is.
British people: American English is bad lol
Also British people: Oi sawr it mite, a bo'o'o'wo'a floy oot the windaw
Also British people: Oi sawr it mite, a bo'o'o'wo'a floy oot the windaw
July 2, 2025 at 2:22 AM
British people: American English is bad lol
Also British people: Oi sawr it mite, a bo'o'o'wo'a floy oot the windaw
Also British people: Oi sawr it mite, a bo'o'o'wo'a floy oot the windaw
Attractive people are a dime a dozen: you see them everywhere, even when you aren't looking for them. Finding a beautiful person is a lot harder, and so much more worth it.
June 21, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Attractive people are a dime a dozen: you see them everywhere, even when you aren't looking for them. Finding a beautiful person is a lot harder, and so much more worth it.
Texans openly using slurs in public disgusts me, as a Texan. We're supposed to have good manners down here. I know it's a bold assumption to make these days, but y'all probably weren't raised by feral hogs in a rancid ditch somewhere. Do better. #texas #pridemonth #pride #queer #queerintexas
June 21, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Texans openly using slurs in public disgusts me, as a Texan. We're supposed to have good manners down here. I know it's a bold assumption to make these days, but y'all probably weren't raised by feral hogs in a rancid ditch somewhere. Do better. #texas #pridemonth #pride #queer #queerintexas
Sometimes I wonder if I should try dating again, but then I remember my exes and start to think maybe black widow spiders and praying mantises have the right idea. Sex is okay, but fresh meat is better. #aromantic #asexual
June 18, 2025 at 3:54 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I should try dating again, but then I remember my exes and start to think maybe black widow spiders and praying mantises have the right idea. Sex is okay, but fresh meat is better. #aromantic #asexual
I think humans probably like petting furry animals because we used to be furry animals too. Back then, we'd groom each other to bond. Now we have no fur to groom, but our monkey brains still make the "yes, good, keep doing this" chemicals when we scritch a fuzzy critter. #science #latethoughts
June 17, 2025 at 4:48 AM
I think humans probably like petting furry animals because we used to be furry animals too. Back then, we'd groom each other to bond. Now we have no fur to groom, but our monkey brains still make the "yes, good, keep doing this" chemicals when we scritch a fuzzy critter. #science #latethoughts
You can dislike a certain piece or pieces of media without making your dislike a core facet of your identity. You also aren't obligated to bash the thing every time a slight hint of anything related to it pops up in your day. Please calm down. Breathe. Think of your blood pressure. #fandom
June 17, 2025 at 1:37 AM
You can dislike a certain piece or pieces of media without making your dislike a core facet of your identity. You also aren't obligated to bash the thing every time a slight hint of anything related to it pops up in your day. Please calm down. Breathe. Think of your blood pressure. #fandom
I bet public school made reading feel like a miserable slog, and I wouldn't blame you if, the instant you stepped off that stage with your diploma, you never wanted to touch another book again. Don't let them do that to you. Be curious. Ask questions. Find answers. Read.
June 16, 2025 at 9:55 PM
I bet public school made reading feel like a miserable slog, and I wouldn't blame you if, the instant you stepped off that stage with your diploma, you never wanted to touch another book again. Don't let them do that to you. Be curious. Ask questions. Find answers. Read.
"One who does not read holds no advantage over one who cannot read." -Mark Twain
My man knew what was up. Go read something at some point today: Wikipedia, a fantasy novel, a romantic novella, a book of silly poems, just read. You'll already have an advantage over most people.
My man knew what was up. Go read something at some point today: Wikipedia, a fantasy novel, a romantic novella, a book of silly poems, just read. You'll already have an advantage over most people.
June 13, 2025 at 11:27 PM
"One who does not read holds no advantage over one who cannot read." -Mark Twain
My man knew what was up. Go read something at some point today: Wikipedia, a fantasy novel, a romantic novella, a book of silly poems, just read. You'll already have an advantage over most people.
My man knew what was up. Go read something at some point today: Wikipedia, a fantasy novel, a romantic novella, a book of silly poems, just read. You'll already have an advantage over most people.
Transmasc folks who bind their chests have way more balls than any transphobe. In fact, our balls are so big God had to put 'em on our chests because there wasn't enough room between our legs! #pridemonth #lgbtq #transpride
June 12, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Transmasc folks who bind their chests have way more balls than any transphobe. In fact, our balls are so big God had to put 'em on our chests because there wasn't enough room between our legs! #pridemonth #lgbtq #transpride
Them: You people are too easily offended!
Me: You shouldn't use slurs on strangers in public, it's rude
Them: I AM BEING OPPRESSED AND SILENCED CANCEL CULTURE IS OUT OF CONTROL I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS AND START ROLLING ON THE GROUND CRYING
Me: You shouldn't use slurs on strangers in public, it's rude
Them: I AM BEING OPPRESSED AND SILENCED CANCEL CULTURE IS OUT OF CONTROL I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS AND START ROLLING ON THE GROUND CRYING
June 7, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Them: You people are too easily offended!
Me: You shouldn't use slurs on strangers in public, it's rude
Them: I AM BEING OPPRESSED AND SILENCED CANCEL CULTURE IS OUT OF CONTROL I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS AND START ROLLING ON THE GROUND CRYING
Me: You shouldn't use slurs on strangers in public, it's rude
Them: I AM BEING OPPRESSED AND SILENCED CANCEL CULTURE IS OUT OF CONTROL I AM GOING TO PEE MY PANTS AND START ROLLING ON THE GROUND CRYING