Castiel is my spirit animal

I mean, it doesn't really count as a random person if I was friends with someone for ~5 years? But then suddenly was ghosted and dumped 🫠
I like talking to people, I'm just not able to make relationship... stick? Something always happens 😭

Like, I graduate uni this summer. And then WHAT. Welcome to the world full of loneliness, you're an adult now, congratulations?

I don't know what future holds for me, but it doesn't look too good right now. I'm too awkward, I'm not pretty or smart, how do I even present myself so don't come off as obnoxious or annoying... I never know what to do or what to say... I wish I was another person.

Honestly, I'm really afraid of loneliness. I lived in a complete social isolation for a year once and it was horrifying. I think I still have some mental scars from this experience and it made me even more afraid of being on my own.

Blue bird app is a hellhole, but at least it took me about a day to make my timeline consist only from cat videos and ttrpg stuff. Blue Sky still shows me a lot of strange things...

/She desperately tries to make algorithm work for her, but fails miserably/

I decided not to bother with it and just focus on my final papers... Depression is a bitch

...I'll figure it out when I renew my sub some time in the future.
Well, at least I got some pretty clothes out of it.

Ending it all kind if seems as a better option.

Tbh I often question if I should even try to live this life or not. It's been getting worse and worse. And I don't want to see THE worst. Nothing's getting better, everything's fucked. And I'm just so unbearably tired and have nothing to live for.

There is literally no way I'm getting a Masters degree. I can't. I have no money for it and no mental capacity.
I'm sick of all those dumb uni papers that have exactly 0 real value. No one will ever read this shit, but I still have to put my blood and tears into it.

Recently I cry a lot because of those reasons. I'm scared and tired. And I don't know what to do. Should have been smarter 6 years ago. Getting into a uni abroad was probably my best option at getting a better life. And I couldn't do it because of the stupidest reason. Now I can only cry.

I know that I have plans of my own to try and move to another country. But I have no idea when it'll be possible and IF it'll be possible at all 😔 I don't have any special qualifications and my "profession" sucks. I am so fucking scared all the time.