tom waits is a tiefling bard

Quick peek at some of my block printing work!

the best part of my day is scarfing down two blue cheese olives over the sink like a rat

i’m a fancy boy that never walks

cats are neurodivergent dogs are neurotypical

you can goon anywhere

it ain’t easy being this cunked up on all this sauce

one thing i’m not getting? PREGNANT
one thing i’m not taking? SHIT
one thing im not giving? A FUCK

if you’re not turned on by shrek, you’re straight

gary hit em with the ṁ̵̡̦̪̭̝̮̯̲͈̝̦͚̦̲̪̓̽̈́̿̈̎̒̆̈́̋͛̿͒́͑̈́̊̄̍̅͒̚̚͝͝ͅe̶̱̪̲̳̺̟͈̠͖̲̯͇͖̩̮̲̭̦̩̲̻̻̙̊̾̎͛̃́̑̿͌̓̏̅̾̔̀̚͠͠͝͝ͅͅò̷̧̗̪̝͍̣̦̻̫̯͍̤̲̭̟̰͙͚͇͓̉̓̈́̓̑͋̋͐̾̆̊̍̿͌̅̓̕͝w̷̨̨̛̠͔̬̪͍͉̮͇̰̹͕̻̼͎̘̠͙̏̂͐̎̓̉̑̈̈́̀͗͌̏̏̕͜͠ ̸̞̱̙̈́̎͋́̇̀͐̃̍͆͑̍̒̆͂͛̔͛͝͠m̸̛̝͖̲͇̰̜̱̥̺̓̿̃̊̇͗̐̉̍̉͊̎̍͝ẹ̷̡̤̼̫̟̭̩͎̣̩̤̙̥̣̦͗ͅǫ̶̧͙̤̟̖̫̜̹̣̣͚̮̙͈͖͊w̸̢̯̼̳̰̰̳̰̲͖̞̦̳̗̦̤̼̮̖̲̦̗͐̄̎́̏̇̾̑̔́̿̕͝͠ͅ ̶̧̤̠̖͖̭̮̼̞͎̖͔̹̙̗̜̻̣̯̖̩̌̓̈́͛̅́͐̅̿͊̏̑͒̓͐̿̆̌̎̄̽͊̚͘͜͝͝͝͠ͅm̵̡̧̛͚̻̗̫͓̖̭̳͕̫̭̳͉̗̘̍̈̇̾̋̎̉͒͆̑̈̄̆͒̔̓̔̏̉̑̆͠é̸̡̼̗̠͔̝̺͙͓̭̞͖̲̻̟̥̠̪͔͆̽̌̂̇̍̇̓̒͘͜͠ͅǫ̴̡̧͕͎͕̳̟̱̦̬̥̲͉̰̹̦̻͍͍̝̪̝͓͛̿̾̈́̾͆͐͐́̃͑͛͒̒̊̓̑̐̄̂͆͂̋̽̕͝w̶̧̨̧̧̛̞̩͇̺͇͙̤̩̱͍̠̫̞͍̫̿̑̐̎͌̈͂̈̈́̇̎̀͂̃̄̍̃͛̑̇̇̽̕̕̕͘͘͝͠

squirrels are always the first one to get a plate

i’m proud to say i have a mostly human brain

the thirteenth ghost was the friends we made along the way

for fans of breathing, one second without air is one second too many

i only put good will towards women

i have it out for a dude name jonathan

yoda is from fraggle rock

can you guy help me find my phone? i ran out of visual memory

talk shit on taco bell one more time and im gonna fuckin baja blast your brains on the wall

i had a dream drake bell sat at the bar i work at and as i handed him a beer i said “i would only watch drake and josh if nothing else was on”

the way netflix animates water honestly pisses me off

just because my favorite number is 3 does ❌NOT❌ mean my favorite shape is a triangle

what the fuck does this thing know

i’ll skeet it but i won’t tweet it

if i could hold a hair dryer to frosty the snowman’s head and pull the trigger, i would