Emmie Landrum
@emmielandrum.bsky.social
neurodivergent nightmare person
if I hear "that was actually funny" one more time as the response to my INTENTIONAL JOKES it's gonna be curtains for zoosha
January 19, 2026 at 2:00 PM
if I hear "that was actually funny" one more time as the response to my INTENTIONAL JOKES it's gonna be curtains for zoosha
today my dog (an empath) watched me heave my guts out after taking my meds on an empty stomach and offered solidarity by taking a giant dump in the living room
January 5, 2026 at 6:42 PM
today my dog (an empath) watched me heave my guts out after taking my meds on an empty stomach and offered solidarity by taking a giant dump in the living room
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
"Academics literally cannot make genAI go away" we also can't make underage drinking go away and we're not advocating for installing bar carts in every classroom.
December 27, 2025 at 11:46 PM
"Academics literally cannot make genAI go away" we also can't make underage drinking go away and we're not advocating for installing bar carts in every classroom.
sometimes just for kicks I'll tell Christian parents that they're raising their kids exactly the way my parents raised me. the light leaves their eyes almost immediately.
December 24, 2025 at 5:14 PM
sometimes just for kicks I'll tell Christian parents that they're raising their kids exactly the way my parents raised me. the light leaves their eyes almost immediately.
Once again thinking about the time I forgot to ask a customer's age before leading the other servers in a birthday song and decided to just eyeball it.
She was not, in fact, turning thirty.
She was not, in fact, turning thirty.
December 24, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Once again thinking about the time I forgot to ask a customer's age before leading the other servers in a birthday song and decided to just eyeball it.
She was not, in fact, turning thirty.
She was not, in fact, turning thirty.
maybe THIS will be the time I don't regret leaving packing til 3 hours before my flight
November 6, 2025 at 2:07 AM
maybe THIS will be the time I don't regret leaving packing til 3 hours before my flight
lol a guy just told me "You know a lot of people were concerned when you got this job. But not me. I actually PREFER working with women."
November 2, 2025 at 2:17 PM
lol a guy just told me "You know a lot of people were concerned when you got this job. But not me. I actually PREFER working with women."
my neighbor either has a really cool new Halloween decoration or a really cool new hat
October 6, 2025 at 1:02 AM
my neighbor either has a really cool new Halloween decoration or a really cool new hat
it's been fun seeing my husband get into fitness because now ✨WE✨ are relapsing on my eating disorder
September 28, 2025 at 8:49 PM
it's been fun seeing my husband get into fitness because now ✨WE✨ are relapsing on my eating disorder
oh but when the Segway guy died by Segway it was okay to laugh
September 12, 2025 at 12:46 PM
oh but when the Segway guy died by Segway it was okay to laugh
no matter how good you are at the piano, it always sounds a little bit like you've got a baby up there banging on the keys with you
July 19, 2025 at 5:25 PM
no matter how good you are at the piano, it always sounds a little bit like you've got a baby up there banging on the keys with you
if a woman is using this it's actually called a pantycase
July 19, 2025 at 5:18 PM
if a woman is using this it's actually called a pantycase
love Manchild but they need to send Sabrina to the same enunciation boot camp they sent Ariana to
June 21, 2025 at 12:58 AM
love Manchild but they need to send Sabrina to the same enunciation boot camp they sent Ariana to
fitted pajama shorts: tightest butt mankind has ever seen. Everyone instinctively knows I cheered in high school.
loose pajama shorts: my withered husk crawls towards the grave. my labia drag through the dirt as all around me behold my terrible visage and weep.
loose pajama shorts: my withered husk crawls towards the grave. my labia drag through the dirt as all around me behold my terrible visage and weep.
May 25, 2025 at 8:08 PM
fitted pajama shorts: tightest butt mankind has ever seen. Everyone instinctively knows I cheered in high school.
loose pajama shorts: my withered husk crawls towards the grave. my labia drag through the dirt as all around me behold my terrible visage and weep.
loose pajama shorts: my withered husk crawls towards the grave. my labia drag through the dirt as all around me behold my terrible visage and weep.
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
I hate when I share a time I was mistreated and the other person's immediate response is "oh I'd NEVER let that happen to me." ok well something bad is about to happen to you right now though
May 4, 2025 at 9:54 PM
I hate when I share a time I was mistreated and the other person's immediate response is "oh I'd NEVER let that happen to me." ok well something bad is about to happen to you right now though
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
"i never heard of autism growing up"
April 24, 2025 at 6:42 AM
"i never heard of autism growing up"
drape
What is the most overused word in your industry?
Let it out.
Let it out.
March 31, 2025 at 7:53 PM
drape
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
I’m trying but mostly I’m serving can’t
March 31, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I’m trying but mostly I’m serving can’t
ending my labwork appointment by politely requesting that they put some of the blood back
March 31, 2025 at 7:48 PM
ending my labwork appointment by politely requesting that they put some of the blood back
work travel has reminded me that nonstop jokes about offing myself at the slightest inconvenience don't hit as hard when the audience is anyone other than my husband
March 21, 2025 at 10:09 AM
work travel has reminded me that nonstop jokes about offing myself at the slightest inconvenience don't hit as hard when the audience is anyone other than my husband
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
I need people to understand that not all parents love their kids like people. They love them the way you’d love your car or your favorite coffee mug. And their children’s suffering and death means very very little to them. This isn’t just Mennonites or anti-vaxxers. It’s everywhere, all the time.
Parents of the child who died of measles have joined RFK-founded Children's Health Defense. Anti-vaccine groups excel at swooping in for tragedy, offering parents a cause.
“Don’t do the shots,” her mother said, measles is “not as bad as they’re making it out to be.”
www.nbcnews.com/health/healt...
“Don’t do the shots,” her mother said, measles is “not as bad as they’re making it out to be.”
www.nbcnews.com/health/healt...
How the anti-vaccine movement weaponized a 6-year-old's measles death
Anti-vaccine influencers see the child’s death as proof — not of the danger of measles, but of their own debunked theories.
www.nbcnews.com
March 21, 2025 at 5:26 AM
I need people to understand that not all parents love their kids like people. They love them the way you’d love your car or your favorite coffee mug. And their children’s suffering and death means very very little to them. This isn’t just Mennonites or anti-vaxxers. It’s everywhere, all the time.
how do I tell this uber driver blasting Christian music that I actually don't want to be part of his testimony at goddamn six in the morning
March 21, 2025 at 10:03 AM
how do I tell this uber driver blasting Christian music that I actually don't want to be part of his testimony at goddamn six in the morning
Reposted by Emmie Landrum
Yeah that’s probably why
The U.S. slipped to its lowest ranking ever in the World Happiness Report — 24th — in part because Americans are eating alone more than ever.
Americans Are Unhappier Than Ever. Solo Dining May Be a Sign.
The United States slipped to its lowest ranking ever in the World Happiness Report, in part because more Americans are eating alone. Once again, the Finns came out on top.
www.nytimes.com
March 20, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Yeah that’s probably why
I actually don't care if your app was created by Duke graduates! so was I and look how that turned out
March 12, 2025 at 5:56 AM
I actually don't care if your app was created by Duke graduates! so was I and look how that turned out