Be it presenting to my coworkers as female, or going out in public alone as full femme. Sometimes these thoughts win out, but I only feel like I've lost Emma or sold myself short.

So to future Emma, the questions at the top…

I've learned to observe this battle, to turn dysphoria into euphoria. I've come to understand my male body dysmorphia as actually the symptom of being assigned to the wrong side of the binary. This is not always an easily surmounted hill.

Even though I have been hormonally stable for some time now, I encounter these active battles between male and female, and something else. I/we balance this internal dialogue everyday.

Dysphoria or dysmorphia are unpredictable beasts. They arrive and depart, often without obvious reasons. Is it social, medical, or even political? Is it natural hormone absorption fluctuations? I often refer to myself as “we”, as something like I refer to a group of 2 or more people.

I've read the risks, I understand the after-care. There are things I will have to do, for all the remaining days of my life, to support the proper outcome of this decision.

It's not a decision though. It was decided a long time ago. This is my time.

Maybe a moment of doubt, not zero. I look at myself in the mirror, and the most feminine version of me that I could have ever imagined is right there staring back.

It's got to be more about strategically voting against PP this round.