Emily L. Stephens
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emilyorelse.bsky.social
Emily L. Stephens
@emilyorelse.bsky.social
260 followers 520 following 480 posts
A magnificent crone. Tired for sure, possibly retired. Formerly The A.V. Club, The Toast.
She? Her?
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emilyorelse.bsky.social
I have never felt more like Pennywise but the children so often freeze once they get on the porch, which I realize doesn’t make me sound less like Pennywise.
handwritten sign on newsprint 24” x 18”. A big red arrow outlined in purple, followed by big lettering in red and purple marker, reading “RING for CANDY”
October 30, 2025 at 11:53 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Many happy returns, friend.
black cat snuggled in multiple plush blankets, one green, one blue. His paws , front and back, are poised together as if the point of a teardrop, his back is rounded. His eyes are closed but his shiny little black nose gleams bright.
October 23, 2025 at 4:45 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Today I left the house for the first time in weeks (been contagious, better now), and the first neighbor I spoke to opened w/ “I’ve been thinking about your art!” 11/10 interaction, thank you, neighbor.
Ink drawing: A figure made of vegetables sits, shy, looking down. Her head is a tomatillo, turned down & pensive. Body is a ripe avocado, red pepper arms tucked under the knees where sweet potato thighs meet green onion calves.
August 30, 2025 at 3:58 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
@sgazzetti.bsky.social, sending love and many happy returns
Please enjoy this cat
Black cat, face blurry with movement, jaws open and eyes wide, face festooned with cobwebs, feet planted on a blue sofa. Behind him, FUTURAMA plays on a tv, capturing Prof. Farnsworth, also blurry with movement.
August 20, 2025 at 6:24 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Twin Peaks on TV screen: Leland Palmer, white-haired, points to Donna. “I know the cure for what ails you.”
August 12, 2025 at 4:07 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
It’s my birthday! My body is going nowhere and tolerating nothing today, so instead of everything D had planned, it’s ice packs and a movie marathon on our matching sofas. First up, The Stone Tape, while I endlessly narrate who will star in the Spoils-of-Babylon style deadpan remake.
title screen: THE STONE TAPE
August 9, 2025 at 2:21 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
rewatching FUTURAMA
Outdoor security light made of white plastic, with two protruding jointed bulb attachments atop the mounting fixture and a solar-charging slot across the mount where a mouth would be. In shape and expression, it resembles knife-aficionado and bank-currency collector Roberto. Ha-HAA!
July 29, 2025 at 3:54 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE 🚀🐈‍⬛
A black cat faces camera, mouth open, face blurry with movement, cobwebs spread across face. In background is a TV playing FUTURAMA, close up on Professor Farnsworth, mouth open.
July 28, 2025 at 4:40 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
The blackberries are beaten but possibly intact:
Blackberry bushes taller than I am, driven horizontal against the earth
July 23, 2025 at 7:11 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
this was 8+ square feet of blackcap berries waiting to ripen this week
A plot of ground, razed to earth.
July 23, 2025 at 7:10 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
everything

everything i planted and fed and trellised

all my onions
all my beans
all my shell peas

they pulled up the trellises and used the garden as a landing area for roof debris

i knew there would be damage but i didn’t think they’d unfence the only area I’d fenced off for safety
Goldenrod plants dropped to ground, might recover crushed onions one surviving squash plant no beans, no peas; i think they weedwhacked them
July 23, 2025 at 6:37 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Every single time I’m watching a Swedish movie, I forget, and every single time it shows up at the end I make an out-loud “SNORK” because I’m a grubby child
The last frame of THE UGLY STEPSISTER: a crow against a pale field, eating a worm. In red flowing script center screen is the word “SLUTT.”
July 23, 2025 at 3:19 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
i mean

not an understatement
My profile picture: an anthropomorphic figure in strongman pose. Head is pink shallot, body is inverted garlic head, upheld arms are narrow red peppers, pelvis is a beet, legs are carrots
July 18, 2025 at 7:13 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
you might appreciate this vintage set of potato nails
A wooden block with a set of large nails slotted partway into it, for storage and display. On its upper right corner is an anthropomorphic potato sitting on its own red-gloved hands at the end of its noodly black arms. Its eyes, nose, and mouth with slurping tongue are also outlined in red, and its noodly legs splay in front, big red shoes slightly dangling. Through the top of its head, I’m sorry to report, is driven a nail. A motto reads “These aluminum POTATO BAKERS sure give A FAST WARM UP”
July 18, 2025 at 7:03 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Squash-posting is the new doomscrolling

anyway here’s my messy squash
messy garden plot crowded with violets, creeping thyme, oregano, goldenrod, onions, sage, and several squash plants doggedly growing wherever I planted them.
July 16, 2025 at 1:17 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY

(pictured second: the other guy)
My right hand, stained and streaked with scarlet juice. a glass jar full of blackcap berries
July 14, 2025 at 7:17 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Friends, it’s easy to turn on the prompt that reminds you to include alt text!
Bluesky’s Accessibility settings page, where this user has selected “require alt text before posting” and “display larger alt text badges.”
July 14, 2025 at 1:33 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Our season is finally starting! CSA delivered this year’s first snap peas, a week late even for Maine.
Green colander of snap peas draining in orange-red dish
July 11, 2025 at 7:58 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
On the way back from the car, I snacked on the first blackcap berries of the season from our yard and didn’t even have the decency to photograph them. So sweet!
a hand stained lightly with scarlet juice
July 11, 2025 at 7:37 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
She similarly demonstrated what French bread is and isn’t, I think about it almost any time I buy a baguette
Julia Child in her kitchen, holding a floppy long baguette upright in one hand and in the other a proper baguette stands tall
July 7, 2025 at 8:09 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
I tricked her (me) into making one meal, prepping another to chill, pouring me a cold drink, and fetching eXistenZ from the movie room

running a pretty sweet scam on my human self, how long can this gravy train last
A glass covered in condensation, holding a deep pink drink loaded with ice, against a cluttered kitchen background with TV on
July 6, 2025 at 7:16 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
There are many ways to put this vintage puzzle together, and I can usually knock out a few solutions while sitting idly of an evening.

This week I played it for four evenings running before solving it once. idk about you but I’m NOT PROCESSING WELL. I feel like Will Graham drawing a clock face.
Hexed: An assortment of flat plastic pieces in yellow, white, blue, and red, almost Tetris shaped, fitted together inside their box.
July 6, 2025 at 3:04 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Now my gardening hat is a permanent protest sign, whether I’m in community or alone in front of my home. Hands-free and shady!
A sunhat with big red and black block letters on front brim reading “NO ICE”
July 3, 2025 at 12:59 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
i added more arugula as well! it’s extra satisfying to know there’s something you enjoy in the assortment
a blank card with many small packets of seeds, hand-labeled, including arugula, extra arugula, and upland cress
June 30, 2025 at 7:08 PM
emilyorelse.bsky.social
Mutuals, would you like to grow herbs on your windowsill or in your garden? If you’re in the U.S., DM your address and I’m happy to mail you an assortment of herb seeds.

This isn’t a swap, it’s a gift! I have plenty. Herbs make a big difference in the kitchen and they can be expensive to buy.
A blank card on which are glued eight tiny packets with handwritten labels: Basil: Opal Basil: Genovese Arugula Cilantro:also safe for microgreens Dill: bouquet Dill: Hera Parsley for microgreens Hera Dill
June 30, 2025 at 12:35 PM