So painfully relatable, I’ve been known to sneeze so loud I can be heard on the opposite side of the warehouse where i work

I want one day to call her my wife, to make a home and life together.

Will that be possible

will I ever feel myself free enough to try

I wish I knew but things are so confused and unsure for me currently

My only constant right now is her love and that small hope I can muster from deep inside

My girlfriend ironically has the better imagination, despite my escaping into fantasy worlds.

I still hope and wish for that next day with her, that next time to hug & kiss. To go out for a walk in some beautiful garden.

I know my fear is what keeps my mind chained, only seeing the immediate next

I try to not let it get to me but it does little good as I’m a bundle of nerves on the best day.

I hope that people come to realize, and accept that people like myself and my girlfriend or only agenda is to find a quiet place to settle down and live our lives as anyone else would wish to do

Even my girlfriend’s sister calls us disgustingly cute as we’ve yet to have even something resembling a fight or argument.

Which I very much fear that day if it happens, but I’ll do everything I can to make it not.

And now the world itself feels so hostile towards me and people like me

This last year has certainly been a change some for the better others maybe not so much.

I’m still an extreme pessimist, and regularly ask myself when will it all come apart, when will you screw up as you always do.

I haven’t yet which only increases my fear of what that day will look like

I even got to meet one of my Favorite authors @rebeccathorne.bsky.social at a bookstore for the release of her book

And even was able to rekindle a friendship with someone I thought didn’t want anything to do with me. But that we were more similar than they felt comfortable with at first

I pushed myself to find that fantasy lover I buried years ago when I felt it to “feminine”.

Taking every opportunity to read, and finding wonderful books and worlds to explore.

Along with interacting with authors like
@rebeccathorne.bsky.social
@mariahraebirch.bsky.social
@javodvarka.com

I would lose my D&D table to schedule and burnout.

To now I’m a first time GM leading players into a world of my own creation in DaggerHeart.

(They have no idea what I have in store for them)

I would see my first holidays in a relationship, Christmas, new years, and especially Valentines Day.

To many these are not much but they were my first with someone and I didn’t feel alone and forgotten anymore.

And as I write I’m but weeks from celebrating our first anniversary

Work & family would continue to push me to my mental limits and more than once I came closer to a full collapse than I have in many years. It was not my best.

I won’t go deeply into that just that my home responsibilities grew, and my stability at work faltered as I lost coworkers regularly

I got to then cosplay at the fair as one of my favorite Critical Role characters #beauregaurdlionett

And a few weeks later with some help was able to surprise her for the final week of fair by sneaking up on her when she thought I was working. With a new refined witchy look.

I had to make a rush move, as our landlord decided he didn’t wish to rent our house anymore.

I went to my first ren fair, taken by my girlfriend 💚 in all her pirate glory.

I learned to throw axes, turns out I’m pretty good at it.

Attended my first pub sing with her and the rest of her crew 🏴‍☠️

You start a patreon if certainly support it

Also spicy Weasel hehehe