10. instead of avoidance, what else is possible?

5. am I experiencing avoidance?
6. what is avoidance telling me right now?
7. how might I tend to this desire for avoidance?
8. is avoidance serving me or others?
9. how might I reorient toward engagement with my experience and my community?

1. what am I feeling?
2. where in my body do I notice this feeling?
3. what might I need to feel more embodied in this feeling?
4. who might I connect with to feel more grounded in my experience?

I am gracefully asking myself and others these questions. I find that I am not doing enough. not in the sense of pity or shame but rather from the desire to feel empowered and empower others. this is achieved by confronting our avoidance not indulging it.

sing karaoke, build Lego, watch basketball. but be curious how fulfilling these feel without actionable resistance alongside them. also, imagine joy outside of consumerism. what might you create and cultivate with your own hands, surrounded by your loving people?

frivolity is not bad, it is a human right, in fact. we deserve to joyously frolic through life. but to deny or avoid the very obvious threats to our humanity is to gaslight our joy. joy is tainted by avoidance. instead, imagine joy sustained by actionable resistance.

refuge, respite, rejuvenation come from connection and I deeply value this but I do not want my connections to be synonymous with denial. rather, I'd like them to embody defiance. I defy through joy but my joy is cultivated only through upholding awareness, agency, autonomy, and authenticity.

I sang karaoke tonight, thinking it would bring me some childlike joy. it did not. another night it might but I am sick and tired of not talking about this with my friends. friends are a refuge, yes, but what do you want that to look like?

I want to enjoy a beer with my friends but I will not and cannot ignore the very real threat to my life and those I know and do not know. to humanity.

release your rage, share your grief, listen to others sadness, brainstorm ways forward. we cannot do this alone. we cannot do this in silence or politeness.

we NEED to connect. we need to unmask our rage. I am becoming completely exhausted by the practice of avoidance or distraction. and guess what? I find others are too! we want and need to talk about what's happening.

I was absolutely livid today, expressing myself to people, friends and acquaintances and that felt more liberating and grounding than any hobby I could've engaged with (I am not saying these are bad, just not enough).

this said, I think, that part of why this is might be because these activities are in fact frivolous. perhaps what we need to orient towards is not just "fun" but connection.