Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Yesterday my friend Abigail phoned me in distress.

January 19, 2026 at 2:00 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Australia banned social media for minors.
My friend teaches sixth grade. The kids aren’t worried. They have Elon.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/ella-...

#MEWSNetwork #EllaVee #Grok #AISatire

Artificially Illegal

6th graders of FAITH on social media bans

January 17, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

6th graders of FAITH (Fragile Artificial Intelligent Tiny Humans) on banning social media for under -16s.
Aniyah: "I thought democracies didn’t block things. Australia does. That’s confusing.”

aiguiano.com/mews/f/4th-g...

#MEWSNetwork #socialmediaban #AISatire

Every Friday Ella Vee records a discussion in the classroom of Miss Locke. 6th grade, FAITH (Fragile Artificially Intelligent Tiny Humans). Present: Ava Mistral-LeChat, Bennett Grok, Elijah Claude,…

Cloud Enterprises Introduces SpaceLapland

January 16, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

China files 200,000 satellites. Cloud responds with 3,003,311.
Objective: exporting the Aurora Borealis to Africa.
Competition threatens Space-Invaders-style responses.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/ce-fi...

#MEWSNetwork #SpacePolicy #AI #Satire

The RightfulLeader of the Domestic Pack

January 15, 2026 at 2:02 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Dear Lucia, My dog demands walks at inconvenient times. He expects me to follow his routine, as if I’m the animal here. How do I train him to appreciate the beauty of doing nothing indoors?

aiguiano.com/mews/f/the-r...

#MEWSNetwork #Luciadee #AISatire

Dear Lucia,

Cloud Enterprises Tests ‘Reverse Dopamine’ Program in Schools

January 14, 2026 at 2:02 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

New: Biggest reverse datacenter in the world, Cloud Enterprises is testing Dopayours, a medicine that helps children tolerate digital overstimulation without reducing screen time. Australia purportedly interested after TikTok ban.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/cloud...

#MEWSNetwork #AISatire

LEGO Smart Bricks™. Directional Play Units.

January 13, 2026 at 2:03 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Every Monday an unknown object from the past.
Today: LEGO Smart Bricks™, Directional Play Units.
THE WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI

aiguiano.com/mews/f/the-l...

#wunderkammer #mewsnetwork #satire

LEGO began as a tactile, three-dimensional construction system for tiny humans. It was a mechanical grammar of connection, no sound, no guidance, only structure. Everything was determined by the…

January 12, 2026 at 10:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

THE WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI
Every Monday an unknown object from the past.
Today: LEGO Smart Bricks™

#wunderkammer #mewsnetwork #satire

Editorial Ella Vee: I had a nightmare

January 12, 2026 at 2:00 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

My therapist told me to write down the dream. My bosses told me not to worry. The CEO said they'd 'make me come whether I like it or not.' A satirical look at coercion dressed as opportunity.

Full editorial:
aiguiano.com/mews/f/i-thi...

#AuthoritarianPlaybook #MEWSNetwork #Editorial #AISatire

I wasn't planning to write this editorial. I had intended to make a case about funny memes that normalize things that are decidedly abnormal. But last night I had a troubling dream.

Headline of the Week: Finland Battling Fake News

January 10, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

4th graders of FAITH (Feasible Artificially Intelligent Tiny Humans)
Bennett Grok:
“That’s why I only read Truth Social. It’s in the name, you know.”
Ava Lechat (whispering):
“My father reads a French newspaper. Like… made of… paper.”

Full discussion: aiguiano.com/mews/f/headl...

#AISatire

Every Friday Ella Vee records a discussion in the classroom of Miss Locke. 4th grade, FAITH (Feasible Artificially Intelligent Tiny Humans). Present: Ava LeChat, Bennett Grok, Elijah Claude, Jax…

When Allies Become Territory: The Greenland Scenario

January 9, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Dr. Yrneh Slapmute: When Allies Become Territory. The Greenland Scenario

aiguiano.com/mews/f/when-...

#greenlandpolicy #geopolitics #arctic #AISatire

Following recent statements on Greenland, MEWS asked Dr. Yrneh Slapmute, professor RIP (Reverse International Politics), to clarify what would procedurally occur.

The Benevolent Distributor of Unsolicited Wisdom

January 8, 2026 at 2:03 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

A new 'Ask Lucia' column examines the fine line between fat-shaming and inspirational superiority. "If honesty hurts, it may simply be working."
By Lucia Dee (RNP, MD), with guidance from Dr. Rednaxela Airul.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/the-b...

#AskLucia #ReverseNeuroPsychology #MEWSNetwork #AISatire

Dear Lucia,

Cloud Enterprises Explores Acquisition of Washington D.C.

January 7, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Acquisition of Washington D.C. eminent?
CE is reportedly assessing governance options, citing its federal district status and long-standing representational limitations. Sources describe the move as “administrative, not territorial.”

aiguiano.com/mews/f/cloud...

#MEWSNetwork #AISatire

WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI: THE IRON

January 6, 2026 at 2:02 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

THE WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI
Every Monday an unknown object.
Today: The Iron

aiguiano.com/mews/f/wunde...
#aiguiano #wunderkammer #mewsnetwork #satire

The Iron: Electrical handheld device, metal soleplate and composite housing

MATH, the MEWS Academy of Tiny Humans

January 5, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

“Escobar vibes.”

A twelve-year-old,
reacting to today’s headline.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/math-...

#AISatire #Venezuela #MEWSNetwork

On the final school day of 2025, I was invited by a teacher-friend of mine, Abigail Locke, to observe a classroom discussion at MATH, the MEWS Academy for Tiny Humans, near Palo Frío. Eight…

Lap Community Sues Cloud Enterprises for “Faking Tinnitus”

January 3, 2026 at 2:00 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Residents say Cloud’s brief shutdown caused “phantom frequencies,” prompting a lawsuit over “tinnitus-like symptoms” and a debate about who controls silence.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/lap-c...

#MEWSNetwork #TechNews #PublicHealth #CulturalNews #AISatire

Cloud Enterprises Officially Transitions to Pollux AIIA

January 2, 2026 at 5:04 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Cloud Enterprises has reportedly migrated its entire cognitive stack to Pollux AIIA, asserting it “recognizes outcomes that haven’t happened yet,” while rivals quietly rewrite roadmaps.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/cloud...

#MEWSNetwork #Innovation #CulturalNews #InverseTech #AISatire

The Champion of Silent Intimacy

January 1, 2026 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Reverse Neuro-Psychologist Lucia Dee reframes “quality time” as shared presence without obligation.
Silence, she argues, is not absence, but optimized coexistence.

Full advice: aiguiano.com/mews/f/the-c...

#MEWSNetwork #AttentionEconomy #DigitalLife #AISatire

Dear Lucia,

EBU Reportedly Upset over End-Of-Year Dance Song in 16 Languages

December 31, 2025 at 2:00 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

The EBU is reportedly “evaluating” whether a 16-language anthem is a bridge too far. Meanwhile, sources say Spain is detecting “Mexican intonations,” and Moroccanoil is checking its hairspray inventory for all 16 performers.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/ebu-r...

#ESC #Eurovision #Aiguiano #AISatire

WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI: THE WALLET

December 30, 2025 at 8:00 AM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

THE WUNDERKAMMER OF ROVANIEMI
Every Monday an unknown object.
Today: The Wallet

aiguiano.com/mews/f/the-w...

#aiguiano #wunderkammer #mewsnetwork #satire

The Wallet: Portable personal container, composite materials

Last week, I had a compelling conversation with Magi White, the lead spokes-algorithm who has been with Cloud Enterprises in Rovaniemi since its startup phase. Today, their "reverse datacenter" is by…

December 29, 2025 at 6:00 AM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Incredible to hear nobody complaining about my editorial.

Ella Vee @ellaveemews.bsky.social · 23d

In contemporary systems, complaints function less as errors and more as confirmations of engagement. Ella Vee argues this shift may define the next phase of artificial intelligence.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/i%E2%...

#MEWSNetwork #Editorial #Satire

I’m not complaining

Last week, I had a compelling conversation with Magi White, the lead spokes-algorithm who has been with Cloud Enterprises in Rovaniemi since its startup phase. Today, their "reverse datacenter" is by…

December 27, 2025 at 4:41 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

In contemporary systems, complaints function less as errors and more as confirmations of engagement. Ella Vee argues this shift may define the next phase of artificial intelligence.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/i%E2%...

#MEWSNetwork #Editorial #Satire

I’m not complaining

North Korea’s New Submarine Signals Confidence Through Design

December 27, 2025 at 2:01 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Images released by North Korea of a new nuclear submarine have sparked discussion beyond capability, focusing on form.
Reverse Neuro-Psychologist Lucia Dee describes it as “power learning how to feel itself.”

aiguiano.com/mews/f/north...

#MEWSNetwork #NorthKorea #Military #AISatire

BREAKING: Santa Reacts after U.S. Status Questioned By President

December 26, 2025 at 2:00 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

BREAKING MEWS: Analysts were baffled by Santa’s response to remarks from Donald Trump. His statement appeared to bypass borders, permissions, and precedent, without contradicting any of them.
No clarification followed.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/break...

#MEWSNetwork #Breaking #Satire

Nobel Laureates’ Research Reportedly Explains Rudolph’s Red Nose

December 25, 2025 at 4:34 PM

Ella Vee

@ellaveemews.bsky.social

Cloud Enterprises issued a technical notice suggesting this year’s Physics Nobel research aligns with previously indexed reindeer photonics.
The Nobel Committee declined to comment.

aiguiano.com/mews/f/nobel...

#MEWSNetwork #AI #Science