mateo hs
@eldritch-sweetie.bsky.social
local cryptid
social nomad
shitposting on main
1314
“the english language is a playground and im running up the slide like a feral toddler”
social nomad
shitposting on main
1314
“the english language is a playground and im running up the slide like a feral toddler”
we as a nation need to unironically start more conga lines
October 31, 2025 at 2:38 PM
we as a nation need to unironically start more conga lines
i have no other way to describe this but if they ever make a muppet babies version of what we do in the shadows, i’m casting spencer agnew as lalzo
September 27, 2025 at 3:20 AM
i have no other way to describe this but if they ever make a muppet babies version of what we do in the shadows, i’m casting spencer agnew as lalzo
Derek Zoolander (2001) made “male model” feel like a gender/DnD class
September 10, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Derek Zoolander (2001) made “male model” feel like a gender/DnD class
that’s actually not true, Mr Bond. you see, MEN go to VENUS to jork their peanit, and WOMEN go to MARS because they need all the iron they can get after bleeding out their utes for a gosh dang month
September 9, 2025 at 9:21 PM
that’s actually not true, Mr Bond. you see, MEN go to VENUS to jork their peanit, and WOMEN go to MARS because they need all the iron they can get after bleeding out their utes for a gosh dang month
what id give to sleep with ease
August 25, 2025 at 2:02 PM
what id give to sleep with ease
broke: faking getting stood up on a date so the restaurant comps your meal
woke: faking a proposal at a bar so you and your accomplice get free drinks
bespoke: pretending to rob a bank so you can get that sweet prison healthcare
woke: faking a proposal at a bar so you and your accomplice get free drinks
bespoke: pretending to rob a bank so you can get that sweet prison healthcare
August 23, 2025 at 4:07 PM
broke: faking getting stood up on a date so the restaurant comps your meal
woke: faking a proposal at a bar so you and your accomplice get free drinks
bespoke: pretending to rob a bank so you can get that sweet prison healthcare
woke: faking a proposal at a bar so you and your accomplice get free drinks
bespoke: pretending to rob a bank so you can get that sweet prison healthcare
ah yes, the three genders:
comic book nerds obsessed with superman, comic book nerds obsessed with clark kent, and comic book nerds obsessed with kal-el
comic book nerds obsessed with superman, comic book nerds obsessed with clark kent, and comic book nerds obsessed with kal-el
August 14, 2025 at 4:55 AM
ah yes, the three genders:
comic book nerds obsessed with superman, comic book nerds obsessed with clark kent, and comic book nerds obsessed with kal-el
comic book nerds obsessed with superman, comic book nerds obsessed with clark kent, and comic book nerds obsessed with kal-el
FAO
def: “first album only”; used to describe those insufferable people who complain when “their early work was better” about literally every artist
def: “first album only”; used to describe those insufferable people who complain when “their early work was better” about literally every artist
August 3, 2025 at 5:31 PM
FAO
def: “first album only”; used to describe those insufferable people who complain when “their early work was better” about literally every artist
def: “first album only”; used to describe those insufferable people who complain when “their early work was better” about literally every artist
why my subconscious brain decided to pick the costco meal aisle as the ideal spot to officiate dual wedding/coronation of King Arthur but go off i guess
July 18, 2025 at 1:33 PM
why my subconscious brain decided to pick the costco meal aisle as the ideal spot to officiate dual wedding/coronation of King Arthur but go off i guess
anyone: hey how’re you
me: *aggressively holding back brutally categorizing said person into Sun Moon Rising listings for Smirke’s 14 Fears from seminal horror podcast The Magnus Archives because that Autistic Urge™️ isn’t gonna Make Sense®️ unless they’re as into the series as i am* it’s all chill
me: *aggressively holding back brutally categorizing said person into Sun Moon Rising listings for Smirke’s 14 Fears from seminal horror podcast The Magnus Archives because that Autistic Urge™️ isn’t gonna Make Sense®️ unless they’re as into the series as i am* it’s all chill
July 16, 2025 at 12:23 AM
anyone: hey how’re you
me: *aggressively holding back brutally categorizing said person into Sun Moon Rising listings for Smirke’s 14 Fears from seminal horror podcast The Magnus Archives because that Autistic Urge™️ isn’t gonna Make Sense®️ unless they’re as into the series as i am* it’s all chill
me: *aggressively holding back brutally categorizing said person into Sun Moon Rising listings for Smirke’s 14 Fears from seminal horror podcast The Magnus Archives because that Autistic Urge™️ isn’t gonna Make Sense®️ unless they’re as into the series as i am* it’s all chill
movie night culinary experience but it’s the Human Centipede Trilogy
July 12, 2025 at 1:54 AM
movie night culinary experience but it’s the Human Centipede Trilogy
shout out to lead vocalists/bassists, gotta be one of my favorite genders
July 10, 2025 at 5:54 PM
shout out to lead vocalists/bassists, gotta be one of my favorite genders
one day i will stop killing the forest (shaving my hair down to nothing)
July 6, 2025 at 9:44 PM
one day i will stop killing the forest (shaving my hair down to nothing)
overheard a really cute conversation at vons
little kid: “mom what’s an ultimatum”
slightly bigger little kid: “it means no worries”
little kid: “mom what’s an ultimatum”
slightly bigger little kid: “it means no worries”
July 5, 2025 at 7:18 PM
overheard a really cute conversation at vons
little kid: “mom what’s an ultimatum”
slightly bigger little kid: “it means no worries”
little kid: “mom what’s an ultimatum”
slightly bigger little kid: “it means no worries”
idk which would be most lovely, a partner who dresses as a lamp when i dress as mothman, a partner who dresses as mothman with me, or one who dresses as their own favorite cryptid when i dress as mothman
July 4, 2025 at 4:13 PM
idk which would be most lovely, a partner who dresses as a lamp when i dress as mothman, a partner who dresses as mothman with me, or one who dresses as their own favorite cryptid when i dress as mothman
buzz cuts are now called recession mullets. business in the front, side hustle right after
June 27, 2025 at 4:08 PM
buzz cuts are now called recession mullets. business in the front, side hustle right after
thanksgiving sun
halloween moon
new years rising
halloween moon
new years rising
June 25, 2025 at 4:18 AM
thanksgiving sun
halloween moon
new years rising
halloween moon
new years rising
broke: TED talks
woke: THEODORE talks
bespoke: TEDWARD talks
woke: THEODORE talks
bespoke: TEDWARD talks
June 22, 2025 at 4:25 PM
broke: TED talks
woke: THEODORE talks
bespoke: TEDWARD talks
woke: THEODORE talks
bespoke: TEDWARD talks
everyone talks about the plot thickening, but no one wants to address when the thicc plottens 🙄 smh
June 13, 2025 at 4:16 PM
everyone talks about the plot thickening, but no one wants to address when the thicc plottens 🙄 smh
we saw you from across the bar and my wife wanted to know what your blood type was
June 5, 2025 at 3:16 PM
we saw you from across the bar and my wife wanted to know what your blood type was
2015: man physical affection is great
2020: i swear to god if someone doesn’t crush me like a panini i will scream
2025: i no longer know how to process this without immediately shutting down all my feelings
2020: i swear to god if someone doesn’t crush me like a panini i will scream
2025: i no longer know how to process this without immediately shutting down all my feelings
June 5, 2025 at 3:45 AM
2015: man physical affection is great
2020: i swear to god if someone doesn’t crush me like a panini i will scream
2025: i no longer know how to process this without immediately shutting down all my feelings
2020: i swear to god if someone doesn’t crush me like a panini i will scream
2025: i no longer know how to process this without immediately shutting down all my feelings
important question - if frodo boofed the one ring and pooped, and said poop passed thru the ring, would it go invisible, and more importantly would said poop be possessed by sauron/would it draw the ring wraiths to it
June 3, 2025 at 10:34 PM
important question - if frodo boofed the one ring and pooped, and said poop passed thru the ring, would it go invisible, and more importantly would said poop be possessed by sauron/would it draw the ring wraiths to it
the yakuza have taken Boise, Idaho
April 21, 2025 at 4:24 PM
the yakuza have taken Boise, Idaho
*eats before taking meds* hell yeah i can be normal
*takes meds while eating* all i can taste is my heart trying to push my eyes out of their sockets
*takes meds while eating* all i can taste is my heart trying to push my eyes out of their sockets
April 19, 2025 at 12:16 AM
*eats before taking meds* hell yeah i can be normal
*takes meds while eating* all i can taste is my heart trying to push my eyes out of their sockets
*takes meds while eating* all i can taste is my heart trying to push my eyes out of their sockets
i feel like will wood would spend and hour in Winnie the Pooh’s section of disney land and get all their autographs/photos
April 15, 2025 at 6:23 PM
i feel like will wood would spend and hour in Winnie the Pooh’s section of disney land and get all their autographs/photos