Salty_Bawls
@edwardfrancis.bsky.social
A hospital marketing guru by day, a procrastinating writer by night, and a complete idiot nearly all the time. Welcome to the farm fam! (send help!)
Pinned
INTRODUCTORY WARNING!
Following me may cause spontaneous miffs of stifled laughter at work, and public places causing others to think you’ve lost your mind and/or control of your bowels in the most untimely of circumstances, like while being questioned by the police about defecating in public.
Following me may cause spontaneous miffs of stifled laughter at work, and public places causing others to think you’ve lost your mind and/or control of your bowels in the most untimely of circumstances, like while being questioned by the police about defecating in public.
“Hey Salty, what are you up to this morning?”
“Me? Oh you know, that old thing we’ve all done before, eating a piece of key lime pie in complete darkness while trying not to wake everyone in the house with the fucking SNAP of the plastic container being at 2000 decibels and failing miserably.”
“Me? Oh you know, that old thing we’ve all done before, eating a piece of key lime pie in complete darkness while trying not to wake everyone in the house with the fucking SNAP of the plastic container being at 2000 decibels and failing miserably.”
October 5, 2025 at 3:40 PM
“Hey Salty, what are you up to this morning?”
“Me? Oh you know, that old thing we’ve all done before, eating a piece of key lime pie in complete darkness while trying not to wake everyone in the house with the fucking SNAP of the plastic container being at 2000 decibels and failing miserably.”
“Me? Oh you know, that old thing we’ve all done before, eating a piece of key lime pie in complete darkness while trying not to wake everyone in the house with the fucking SNAP of the plastic container being at 2000 decibels and failing miserably.”
I still crack me up!
June 26, 2025 at 2:57 PM
I still crack me up!
I think I’m gonna start a list of all the MAGA supporters for the inevitable Nuremberg-type trials in the future.
June 25, 2025 at 6:07 PM
I think I’m gonna start a list of all the MAGA supporters for the inevitable Nuremberg-type trials in the future.
It’s time to start using your 2A rights to protect yourself from unidentified men wearing masks trying to kidnap you off the streets, in your homes or places of work.
June 24, 2025 at 5:47 PM
It’s time to start using your 2A rights to protect yourself from unidentified men wearing masks trying to kidnap you off the streets, in your homes or places of work.
I apologize for not being on here lately, but you know the world is fucked up, and SM is compromising my sanity. Also, I’ve started up my addiction to WoW again. Found a server that allowed multi-classing. Currently playing an ice mage/rogue.
April 22, 2025 at 5:54 PM
I apologize for not being on here lately, but you know the world is fucked up, and SM is compromising my sanity. Also, I’ve started up my addiction to WoW again. Found a server that allowed multi-classing. Currently playing an ice mage/rogue.
Do you ever try to say something and intend for it to be taken funny, but what comes out sounds more like "I'm gonna cut you with a dull, rusty razor covered in bat guano and then eat the hair follicles of your children."
It sometimes feels like I have RL autocorrect.
It sometimes feels like I have RL autocorrect.
April 13, 2025 at 12:00 PM
Do you ever try to say something and intend for it to be taken funny, but what comes out sounds more like "I'm gonna cut you with a dull, rusty razor covered in bat guano and then eat the hair follicles of your children."
It sometimes feels like I have RL autocorrect.
It sometimes feels like I have RL autocorrect.
You know what's an awkward word? ... Awkward!
April 12, 2025 at 12:30 PM
You know what's an awkward word? ... Awkward!
If you count all the dots on a pair of dice, it adds up to 42. This explains so much, such as life is just a crap shoot ... and I threw snake eyes.
April 10, 2025 at 12:31 PM
If you count all the dots on a pair of dice, it adds up to 42. This explains so much, such as life is just a crap shoot ... and I threw snake eyes.
Bidet! I said bidet sir!
April 10, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Bidet! I said bidet sir!
They told me that my awkwardness would go away after middle school.
... still waiting!
... still waiting!
April 9, 2025 at 1:00 PM
They told me that my awkwardness would go away after middle school.
... still waiting!
... still waiting!
April 9, 2025 at 12:47 PM
I blame the 90 million people who did not vote in 2024 for everything.
April 8, 2025 at 1:17 PM
I blame the 90 million people who did not vote in 2024 for everything.
The original reason for clothes was nothing more than to protect our bodies from the elements. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything else is made up bullshit from the people who also brought you an imaginary sky-god.
#WhyDidWeEvolvePastTogas?
#WhyDidWeEvolvePastTogas?
April 8, 2025 at 12:27 PM
The original reason for clothes was nothing more than to protect our bodies from the elements. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything else is made up bullshit from the people who also brought you an imaginary sky-god.
#WhyDidWeEvolvePastTogas?
#WhyDidWeEvolvePastTogas?
My most used responses that I’ve been using lately for people commenting on political posts:
“Nazi says what?”
“Russian bot says what?”
“You know what they called Nazi sympathizers after WWII?… Nazis.”
“Nazi says what?”
“Russian bot says what?”
“You know what they called Nazi sympathizers after WWII?… Nazis.”
April 7, 2025 at 2:33 PM
My most used responses that I’ve been using lately for people commenting on political posts:
“Nazi says what?”
“Russian bot says what?”
“You know what they called Nazi sympathizers after WWII?… Nazis.”
“Nazi says what?”
“Russian bot says what?”
“You know what they called Nazi sympathizers after WWII?… Nazis.”
Theory: Truly powerful magic can't be destroyed by fire no matter how hot it is. The only thing that can destroy magic, is stronger magic.
"The ring flowed along with the course of the lava, meandering down from Mount Doom into the lands below until the lava cooled and hardened into a rocky mass.
"The ring flowed along with the course of the lava, meandering down from Mount Doom into the lands below until the lava cooled and hardened into a rocky mass.
April 6, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Theory: Truly powerful magic can't be destroyed by fire no matter how hot it is. The only thing that can destroy magic, is stronger magic.
"The ring flowed along with the course of the lava, meandering down from Mount Doom into the lands below until the lava cooled and hardened into a rocky mass.
"The ring flowed along with the course of the lava, meandering down from Mount Doom into the lands below until the lava cooled and hardened into a rocky mass.
I think they should make a modern day Gilligan's Island with all new characters. Like instead of Mary Ann there’s a drag queen.
What kind of characters would you want to see on a re-imagined Gilligan's Island?
What kind of characters would you want to see on a re-imagined Gilligan's Island?
April 5, 2025 at 1:26 PM
I think they should make a modern day Gilligan's Island with all new characters. Like instead of Mary Ann there’s a drag queen.
What kind of characters would you want to see on a re-imagined Gilligan's Island?
What kind of characters would you want to see on a re-imagined Gilligan's Island?
I use the term MAGAs in the same way I use Nazis. I was raised to fight fascism in all its forms. Not embrace it.
April 4, 2025 at 12:55 PM
I use the term MAGAs in the same way I use Nazis. I was raised to fight fascism in all its forms. Not embrace it.
10 jobs I’ve had. One is a lie! 🤔🤔🤔
1. Dairy Farmer
2. Nuclear Missile Tech
3. Ice Cream Scooper
4. Hypnotist
5. Firefighter
6. Military Photographer
7. NASA
8. Graphic Designer
9. Newspaper Editor
10. Horse Wrangler
1. Dairy Farmer
2. Nuclear Missile Tech
3. Ice Cream Scooper
4. Hypnotist
5. Firefighter
6. Military Photographer
7. NASA
8. Graphic Designer
9. Newspaper Editor
10. Horse Wrangler
April 2, 2025 at 11:44 AM
10 jobs I’ve had. One is a lie! 🤔🤔🤔
1. Dairy Farmer
2. Nuclear Missile Tech
3. Ice Cream Scooper
4. Hypnotist
5. Firefighter
6. Military Photographer
7. NASA
8. Graphic Designer
9. Newspaper Editor
10. Horse Wrangler
1. Dairy Farmer
2. Nuclear Missile Tech
3. Ice Cream Scooper
4. Hypnotist
5. Firefighter
6. Military Photographer
7. NASA
8. Graphic Designer
9. Newspaper Editor
10. Horse Wrangler
Has anyone considered sacrificing a politician in an active volcano to see if that fixes things?
April 2, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Has anyone considered sacrificing a politician in an active volcano to see if that fixes things?
I'm really sad I was never able to publish my children's book: "NO! You Don't Need to Use Five Different Fucking Cups a Day,” or the sequel: “Where Are All the Fucking Towels!”
April 2, 2025 at 11:39 AM
I'm really sad I was never able to publish my children's book: "NO! You Don't Need to Use Five Different Fucking Cups a Day,” or the sequel: “Where Are All the Fucking Towels!”
When are we getting editing on here? I’m so tired of auto correct making me look like I may have been held back in third grade multiple times.
March 31, 2025 at 1:48 PM
When are we getting editing on here? I’m so tired of auto correct making me look like I may have been held back in third grade multiple times.
Aspirants 16 years ago I nearly created uber eats.
March 31, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Aspirants 16 years ago I nearly created uber eats.
It's "National" quotations marks and "air quotes" Day. It is your "responsibility" to observe this "holiday" by putting quotation "marks" randomly throughout your "posts."
*This "holiday" is not "real." I completely made "it" up, because I'm "weird" and "things" make me laugh.
*This "holiday" is not "real." I completely made "it" up, because I'm "weird" and "things" make me laugh.
March 31, 2025 at 12:35 PM
It's "National" quotations marks and "air quotes" Day. It is your "responsibility" to observe this "holiday" by putting quotation "marks" randomly throughout your "posts."
*This "holiday" is not "real." I completely made "it" up, because I'm "weird" and "things" make me laugh.
*This "holiday" is not "real." I completely made "it" up, because I'm "weird" and "things" make me laugh.
Ever seen the movie "Sandlot"? That was pretty much my childhood… except the baseball stuff… or the big dog part… or kissing the lifeguard… but the stuff about friends and being chased a lot, that was right on the nose!
March 30, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Ever seen the movie "Sandlot"? That was pretty much my childhood… except the baseball stuff… or the big dog part… or kissing the lifeguard… but the stuff about friends and being chased a lot, that was right on the nose!
Are nose hairs supposed to be longer than hair on your head?
... And other questions you might ask as you get older!
... And other questions you might ask as you get older!
March 27, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Are nose hairs supposed to be longer than hair on your head?
... And other questions you might ask as you get older!
... And other questions you might ask as you get older!