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News Vac
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Did you know that news is being kept from you every day? We sweep the nation to find you the stories that no one else will publish, from insider sources whom no one else believes. Make News Vacuum your last resort for news!
Meanwhile, over in Customer Service . . .
September 24, 2025 at 9:27 PM
NO WAAAY! DEPLOYED NATIONAL GUARDSMAN FINDS HIS OWN BAG OF WEED IN DC PARK—WHERE HE LOST IT A YEAR AGO

open.substack.com/pub/newsvac/...

Credit: U.S. Army National Guard photo. The appearance of U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) visual information does not imply or constitute DoD endorsement.
September 24, 2025 at 9:19 PM
TRUMP ADMIN TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR KIM DAVIS'S SUPREME COURT PETITION

Plans Are Being Made To Ensure That God Knows Where the Nation Stands

#KimDavis #Trump #SupremeCourt

All the wholesome details are here: open.substack.com/pub/newsvac/...
September 24, 2025 at 9:11 PM
TRUMP MULLS OFFER FROM PUTIN TO SEND TROOPS TO WASHINGTON, DC

With the Entire National Guard Already in Washington or on the Way, Trump Looks to Allies for Help

#satire #humor #Trump #Putin #DHS

Don't think; just read it: newsvac.substack.com/p/trump-mull...
August 19, 2025 at 5:50 PM
TRUMP TO UNVEIL NEW MEDAL FOR HIS SECURE CITIES CRUSADE

Decoration Will Be Issued to All Military and Paramilitary Occupiers

#satire #humor #TrumpIsANationalDisgrace #TrumpIsUnfitForOffice #TrumpIsAFascist

We can help you find rock bottom: newsvac.substack.com/p/trump-to-u...
August 19, 2025 at 5:38 PM
PYRO PARCHMAN AND SUPERFUND SING SING

DHS Announces New ICE Detention Facilities

#satire #humor #Trump #Noem #ICE #DHS #TrumpIsANationalDisgrace

Curb you empathy here: newsvac.substack.com/p/pyro-parch...
August 19, 2025 at 5:21 PM
STINKY SAN QUENTIN and ACID BURN ANGOLA

Harsher, Crueler, and MAGA-ier: DHS to Announce New ICE Detention Facilities

#Satire #humor #DHS #ICE #Noem #TrumpIsUnfitForOffice

Let us ruin your day: newsvac.substack.com/p/stinky-san...
August 6, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Playground Chants From a Small, Exclusive STEM School in Texas

I love coffee,
I love tea,
I love ketamine in my gra-vee!

Yes,
No,
Maybe so!

Get the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/playground...
July 22, 2025 at 10:46 PM
July 3, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Bonus Additions to Saturday's Parade in Washington, DC

Just in Case We Forgot Whose Army It Is . . .

#Satire #Trump #Hegseth

Read about the whole pathetic, disheartening mess at newsvac.substack.com/p/saturdays-...
June 12, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Trump Admin to Launch "CommonSenseAI"

New Public-Private Sector Collaboration Will Liberate AI from Murky, Woke, Elite Concepts

#Satire #Humor #AI #ArtificialIntelligence #Trump

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/trump-admi...
Trump Admin to Launch "CommonSenseAI"
New Public-Private Sector Collaboration Will Liberate AI from Murky, Woke, Elite Concepts
newsvac.substack.com
May 29, 2025 at 2:28 PM
The Malling of the National Mall

Trump Administration Hangs Out the "For Rent" Sign on Hallowed Ground

#Satire #Humor #Trump

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/national-m...
The Malling of the National Mall
Trump Administration Hangs Out the "For Rent" Sign on Hallowed Ground
newsvac.substack.com
May 13, 2025 at 7:04 PM
I Was the President's Dog . . . Almost

Canine Candidates for the Trump White House Job Tell All

#Satire #Humor #Trump #WhiteHouse

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/presidents...
I Was the President's Dog . . . Almost
Canine Candidates for the Trump White House Job Tell All
newsvac.substack.com
May 1, 2025 at 6:03 PM
FBI Arrests Another Judge

TV Judge Marilyn Milian Busted for Siding With Mom Against Her Gamer Son

#Satire #Humor #FBI

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/fbi-arrest...
FBI Arrests Another Judge
TV Judge Marilyn Milian Busted for Siding With Mom Against Her Gamer Son
newsvac.substack.com
April 30, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Here’s a Tip From MAGA: Zero, Zip, Nada

Tip Stiffing Is on the Rise in Washington, D.C.

#Satire #Humor #MAGA

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/heres-a-ti...
Here’s a Tip From MAGA: Zero, Zip, Nada
Tip Stiffing Is on the Rise in Washington, D.C.
newsvac.substack.com
April 24, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Pope May Have Died From Attempt to Exorcise J. D. Vance

Final Act of the Selfless Pontiff Will Likely Earn Him Sainthood

#Satire #PopeFrancis #Vance #Exorcism

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/vance-exor...
Pope May Have Died From Attempt to Exorcise J. D. Vance
Final Act of the Selfless Pontiff Will Likely Earn Him Sainthood
newsvac.substack.com
April 22, 2025 at 10:54 PM
State Department Victims of Anti-Christian Bias Will Decline Anonymity

"We Are Trumpetblowers, Not Whistleblowers"

#satire #statedepartment #trump #rubio #faithoffice #christians

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/state-depa...
State Department Victims of Anti-Christian Bias Will Decline Anonymity
"We Are Trumpetblowers, Not Whistleblowers"
newsvac.substack.com
April 16, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Cross Burning Incident at the White House!

At a White House news briefing this week, the crucifix worn by Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt burst into flames and disappeared. . . . .

#satire #satirenews #KarolineLeavitt #Trump

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/i/160585522/...
April 5, 2025 at 2:46 AM
Invasion of Greenland on Hold

Shortage of Assholes Is Blamed for the Delay

#Satire #Greenland

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/invasion-o...
Invasion of Greenland on Hold
Shortage of Assholes Is Blamed for the Delay
newsvac.substack.com
March 31, 2025 at 7:01 PM
SONS OF GAY CONFEDERATE DESERTERS: “THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT”

Civil War heritage group thanks Trump for fighting back against "wokeness"

#Satire #CivilWar #Trump #TrumpisaNationalDisgrace

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/i/160082791/...
March 30, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Astounding AI Breakthrough!

Important Discovery Coincides With Congressional Hearings Led by Marjorie Taylor Greene Yesterday

#Satire #MarjorieTaylorGreene #NPR #PBS #AI #ArtificialIntelligence

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/astounding...
Astounding AI Breakthrough!
Important Discovery Coincides With Congressional Hearings Led by Marjorie Taylor Greene Yesterday
newsvac.substack.com
March 28, 2025 at 5:15 PM
UPDATE: The "Trump Experience" at Kennedy Center

More Details on the New Interactive Attraction

#satire #satirenews #trump #kennedycenter

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/trump-expe...
March 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
The "Trump Experience" at Kennedy Center

New Interactive Attraction Coming Soon

#satire #trump #kennedycenter

Read the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/trump-expe...
The "Trump Experience" at Kennedy Center
New Interactive Attraction Coming Soon
newsvac.substack.com
March 21, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Could 'God Bless the USA' Become Our New National Anthem?

We offer an alternative version:

Well, I lost my job at the TSA
I worked there half my life
Now I'm barricaded in my home
With my children and my wife . . .

Get the whole song at newsvac.substack.com/p/god-bless-...
March 18, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Branson-on-the-Potomac: Kennedy Center Gets a New Name

Name Change Reflects the Heartland's Mandate for an Unwoke American Culture

#satire #satirenews #trump #missouri #kennedycenter

Get the whole story at newsvac.substack.com/p/branson-on...
Branson-on-the-Potomac: Kennedy Center Gets a New Name
Name Change Reflects the Heartland's Mandate for an Unwoke American Culture
newsvac.substack.com
March 12, 2025 at 8:24 PM