Earth Patchnotes
@earth-patchnotes.bsky.social
A satirical account that posts (somewhat) daily "patch notes" to the Earth.
Made and run by @hextheslime.bsky.social
Made and run by @hextheslime.bsky.social
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.20
- Improved the resolution of Cthulhu's texture
- Nevermind there is no longer a second Pluto
- Nerfed the radius of antimatter bombs
- Improved the resolution of Cthulhu's texture
- Nevermind there is no longer a second Pluto
- Nerfed the radius of antimatter bombs
April 20, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.20
- Improved the resolution of Cthulhu's texture
- Nevermind there is no longer a second Pluto
- Nerfed the radius of antimatter bombs
- Improved the resolution of Cthulhu's texture
- Nevermind there is no longer a second Pluto
- Nerfed the radius of antimatter bombs
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.18
- Penguins are no longer hostile towards the statue of liberty
- The statue of liberty is no longer hostile towards penguins
- Penguins are no longer hostile towards the statue of liberty
- The statue of liberty is no longer hostile towards penguins
April 18, 2025 at 6:24 AM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.18
- Penguins are no longer hostile towards the statue of liberty
- The statue of liberty is no longer hostile towards penguins
- Penguins are no longer hostile towards the statue of liberty
- The statue of liberty is no longer hostile towards penguins
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.16
- Fixed a bug where a certain combination of cake toppings allowed for godmode access (left over from testing)
- Updated Bigfoot's pathfinding
- Oh god is that a second Pluto
- Fixed a bug where a certain combination of cake toppings allowed for godmode access (left over from testing)
- Updated Bigfoot's pathfinding
- Oh god is that a second Pluto
April 16, 2025 at 12:28 PM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.16
- Fixed a bug where a certain combination of cake toppings allowed for godmode access (left over from testing)
- Updated Bigfoot's pathfinding
- Oh god is that a second Pluto
- Fixed a bug where a certain combination of cake toppings allowed for godmode access (left over from testing)
- Updated Bigfoot's pathfinding
- Oh god is that a second Pluto
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.12
- Made the sewer monsters in north Washington slightly less aggressive
- Altered the dementia shaders, people who already have them applied will retain the old version
- Reorganized the settings menu
- April Fools has been moved to March 32nd
- Made the sewer monsters in north Washington slightly less aggressive
- Altered the dementia shaders, people who already have them applied will retain the old version
- Reorganized the settings menu
- April Fools has been moved to March 32nd
April 12, 2025 at 9:08 AM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.12
- Made the sewer monsters in north Washington slightly less aggressive
- Altered the dementia shaders, people who already have them applied will retain the old version
- Reorganized the settings menu
- April Fools has been moved to March 32nd
- Made the sewer monsters in north Washington slightly less aggressive
- Altered the dementia shaders, people who already have them applied will retain the old version
- Reorganized the settings menu
- April Fools has been moved to March 32nd
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.11
- Removed some outdated discount codes
- Wood is now more wooden
- Stone is now less wooden
- Added a reward for finding out what the fox says
- Removed some outdated discount codes
- Wood is now more wooden
- Stone is now less wooden
- Added a reward for finding out what the fox says
April 11, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.11
- Removed some outdated discount codes
- Wood is now more wooden
- Stone is now less wooden
- Added a reward for finding out what the fox says
- Removed some outdated discount codes
- Wood is now more wooden
- Stone is now less wooden
- Added a reward for finding out what the fox says
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.10
- Players with over 13 years of playtime will now be able to complete short questionnaires for possible changes in the future
- Fixed some visual glitches which caused certain colors to be brighter
- Finally recovered this account from the depths of the void
- Players with over 13 years of playtime will now be able to complete short questionnaires for possible changes in the future
- Fixed some visual glitches which caused certain colors to be brighter
- Finally recovered this account from the depths of the void
April 10, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Earth Patchnotes for version 2025.4.10
- Players with over 13 years of playtime will now be able to complete short questionnaires for possible changes in the future
- Fixed some visual glitches which caused certain colors to be brighter
- Finally recovered this account from the depths of the void
- Players with over 13 years of playtime will now be able to complete short questionnaires for possible changes in the future
- Fixed some visual glitches which caused certain colors to be brighter
- Finally recovered this account from the depths of the void
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.12.4
- Fixed some advent calendar rewards being only chocolate
- The defrosting has begun
- Run
- Fixed some advent calendar rewards being only chocolate
- The defrosting has begun
- Run
December 4, 2024 at 3:16 PM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.12.4
- Fixed some advent calendar rewards being only chocolate
- The defrosting has begun
- Run
- Fixed some advent calendar rewards being only chocolate
- The defrosting has begun
- Run
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.30
- Fixed the side effects caused by increasing the London city's foggyness.
- Made further changes to the way snow disappears
- Fixed some edge cases in which Z-fighting could occur regarding the recent snow reworks
- There is now a golden bean, somewhere.
- Fixed the side effects caused by increasing the London city's foggyness.
- Made further changes to the way snow disappears
- Fixed some edge cases in which Z-fighting could occur regarding the recent snow reworks
- There is now a golden bean, somewhere.
November 30, 2024 at 10:20 AM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.30
- Fixed the side effects caused by increasing the London city's foggyness.
- Made further changes to the way snow disappears
- Fixed some edge cases in which Z-fighting could occur regarding the recent snow reworks
- There is now a golden bean, somewhere.
- Fixed the side effects caused by increasing the London city's foggyness.
- Made further changes to the way snow disappears
- Fixed some edge cases in which Z-fighting could occur regarding the recent snow reworks
- There is now a golden bean, somewhere.
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.28
- Remembered the password for this account
- Increased the chance of the London city's weather being foggy by around 20%
- As a side effect, fog may now appear more frequently in other areas as well
- Modified the way snow disappears to improve performance
- Remembered the password for this account
- Increased the chance of the London city's weather being foggy by around 20%
- As a side effect, fog may now appear more frequently in other areas as well
- Modified the way snow disappears to improve performance
November 28, 2024 at 1:15 PM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.28
- Remembered the password for this account
- Increased the chance of the London city's weather being foggy by around 20%
- As a side effect, fog may now appear more frequently in other areas as well
- Modified the way snow disappears to improve performance
- Remembered the password for this account
- Increased the chance of the London city's weather being foggy by around 20%
- As a side effect, fog may now appear more frequently in other areas as well
- Modified the way snow disappears to improve performance
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.15
- Revamped 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗴 to correctly obscure unloaded chunks (experimental, might be reverted later)
- Remembered to correctly enable the "Beaver Moon" event so the moon is actually brighter than usual instead of being capped by the regular max brightness.
- Revamped 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗴 to correctly obscure unloaded chunks (experimental, might be reverted later)
- Remembered to correctly enable the "Beaver Moon" event so the moon is actually brighter than usual instead of being capped by the regular max brightness.
November 15, 2024 at 2:49 PM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.15
- Revamped 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗴 to correctly obscure unloaded chunks (experimental, might be reverted later)
- Remembered to correctly enable the "Beaver Moon" event so the moon is actually brighter than usual instead of being capped by the regular max brightness.
- Revamped 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗴 to correctly obscure unloaded chunks (experimental, might be reverted later)
- Remembered to correctly enable the "Beaver Moon" event so the moon is actually brighter than usual instead of being capped by the regular max brightness.
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.14
- Increased message moderation in some regions
- Removed a few "dead" volcanic islands
- Rebalanced the light emitted by Christmas lights
- Increased message moderation in some regions
- Removed a few "dead" volcanic islands
- Rebalanced the light emitted by Christmas lights
November 14, 2024 at 1:33 PM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.14
- Increased message moderation in some regions
- Removed a few "dead" volcanic islands
- Rebalanced the light emitted by Christmas lights
- Increased message moderation in some regions
- Removed a few "dead" volcanic islands
- Rebalanced the light emitted by Christmas lights
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.13
- Increased the chance of a store selling Christmas decorations early
- Revamped some buildings to use higher quality textures
- Fixed a bug where snow would accumulate despite the presence of a light source
- Increased the chance of a store selling Christmas decorations early
- Revamped some buildings to use higher quality textures
- Fixed a bug where snow would accumulate despite the presence of a light source
November 13, 2024 at 7:13 PM
Earth Patchnotes for Version 2024.11.13
- Increased the chance of a store selling Christmas decorations early
- Revamped some buildings to use higher quality textures
- Fixed a bug where snow would accumulate despite the presence of a light source
- Increased the chance of a store selling Christmas decorations early
- Revamped some buildings to use higher quality textures
- Fixed a bug where snow would accumulate despite the presence of a light source