Dustin's Vent Acct
@dustinsventacct.bsky.social
Dustin - 28 - he/him preferred but idc what you call me - 18+ ONLY NO MINORS
This account is for me bitching and moaning. May talk about triggering things.
@vaporwavedoggie is my main
This account is for me bitching and moaning. May talk about triggering things.
@vaporwavedoggie is my main
Either way, existence is suffering and I'm sitting at the edge debating on when to jump.
May 25, 2025 at 9:31 AM
Either way, existence is suffering and I'm sitting at the edge debating on when to jump.
I can't help the fucked up chemical imbalance in my brain but I have learned how to control it better. I just wish I knew this shit many years ago.
But because of my own stupidity I have to live with the permanent reminder of everything that happened via dreams, triggers, and intrusive thoughts
But because of my own stupidity I have to live with the permanent reminder of everything that happened via dreams, triggers, and intrusive thoughts
May 25, 2025 at 9:29 AM
I can't help the fucked up chemical imbalance in my brain but I have learned how to control it better. I just wish I knew this shit many years ago.
But because of my own stupidity I have to live with the permanent reminder of everything that happened via dreams, triggers, and intrusive thoughts
But because of my own stupidity I have to live with the permanent reminder of everything that happened via dreams, triggers, and intrusive thoughts
Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely to blame but I mostly blame myself for all the shit that went wrong.
I'm the reason no one believes what happened happened because it took me over a year to process shit.
I'm the reason I can't go to anyone for anything anymore
I'm the reason no one believes what happened happened because it took me over a year to process shit.
I'm the reason I can't go to anyone for anything anymore
May 25, 2025 at 9:26 AM
Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely to blame but I mostly blame myself for all the shit that went wrong.
I'm the reason no one believes what happened happened because it took me over a year to process shit.
I'm the reason I can't go to anyone for anything anymore
I'm the reason no one believes what happened happened because it took me over a year to process shit.
I'm the reason I can't go to anyone for anything anymore
Only problem now is that therapists either drop me, or the ones I do get end up not acknowledging that I was the cause of the shit that was done to me.
They wanted to take their anger out on me because they didn't want to deal with me in that state. It was extreme, yeah, but I caused that
They wanted to take their anger out on me because they didn't want to deal with me in that state. It was extreme, yeah, but I caused that
May 25, 2025 at 9:24 AM
Only problem now is that therapists either drop me, or the ones I do get end up not acknowledging that I was the cause of the shit that was done to me.
They wanted to take their anger out on me because they didn't want to deal with me in that state. It was extreme, yeah, but I caused that
They wanted to take their anger out on me because they didn't want to deal with me in that state. It was extreme, yeah, but I caused that
The facts are I put too much pressure on both of them to take care of me. I was mentally unstable (still am).
But unlike now, I wasn't willing to work on myself. I pushed the work on to them. I stressed them out too much. They were partners, not therapists.
But unlike now, I wasn't willing to work on myself. I pushed the work on to them. I stressed them out too much. They were partners, not therapists.
May 25, 2025 at 9:23 AM
The facts are I put too much pressure on both of them to take care of me. I was mentally unstable (still am).
But unlike now, I wasn't willing to work on myself. I pushed the work on to them. I stressed them out too much. They were partners, not therapists.
But unlike now, I wasn't willing to work on myself. I pushed the work on to them. I stressed them out too much. They were partners, not therapists.
All the therapists and psychs in the world can fucking tell me I was a victim or whatever but the fact of the matter is I brought that shit on myself.
I got tired of therapists telling me that shit and pretending I was innocent in this because I was a victim or some shit.
I had to stop going.
I got tired of therapists telling me that shit and pretending I was innocent in this because I was a victim or some shit.
I had to stop going.
May 25, 2025 at 9:20 AM
All the therapists and psychs in the world can fucking tell me I was a victim or whatever but the fact of the matter is I brought that shit on myself.
I got tired of therapists telling me that shit and pretending I was innocent in this because I was a victim or some shit.
I had to stop going.
I got tired of therapists telling me that shit and pretending I was innocent in this because I was a victim or some shit.
I had to stop going.
If I just masked better the entire 10 years the big bad thing wouldn't have happened. They wouldn't have done what they did.
If they didn't hate me they wouldn't have done that to me when i was that out of it.
They would've listened when I said no.
They wouldn't have forced it.
If they didn't hate me they wouldn't have done that to me when i was that out of it.
They would've listened when I said no.
They wouldn't have forced it.
May 25, 2025 at 9:19 AM
If I just masked better the entire 10 years the big bad thing wouldn't have happened. They wouldn't have done what they did.
If they didn't hate me they wouldn't have done that to me when i was that out of it.
They would've listened when I said no.
They wouldn't have forced it.
If they didn't hate me they wouldn't have done that to me when i was that out of it.
They would've listened when I said no.
They wouldn't have forced it.
I'm afraid he's going to resent me and I can't fucking do it again.
I loved the other two before him just as much but seeing the love for me turn to resentment then all of us trying to pretend that that was just. Okay because I'm broken and brought it on.
I can't fucking do it again.
I loved the other two before him just as much but seeing the love for me turn to resentment then all of us trying to pretend that that was just. Okay because I'm broken and brought it on.
I can't fucking do it again.
May 25, 2025 at 9:17 AM
I'm afraid he's going to resent me and I can't fucking do it again.
I loved the other two before him just as much but seeing the love for me turn to resentment then all of us trying to pretend that that was just. Okay because I'm broken and brought it on.
I can't fucking do it again.
I loved the other two before him just as much but seeing the love for me turn to resentment then all of us trying to pretend that that was just. Okay because I'm broken and brought it on.
I can't fucking do it again.
It's the only thing people see value in me for other than family.
But even then I know I take a lot out of my husband emotionally on bad days. And that's with masking.
And I'm already afraid I know how the story will end because I've seen it before.
But even then I know I take a lot out of my husband emotionally on bad days. And that's with masking.
And I'm already afraid I know how the story will end because I've seen it before.
May 25, 2025 at 9:15 AM
It's the only thing people see value in me for other than family.
But even then I know I take a lot out of my husband emotionally on bad days. And that's with masking.
And I'm already afraid I know how the story will end because I've seen it before.
But even then I know I take a lot out of my husband emotionally on bad days. And that's with masking.
And I'm already afraid I know how the story will end because I've seen it before.
And that's why I don't want to be here anymore.
I know loving me or even caring about me is hard. I'm a hard person to put up with.
I know that I have nothing of value to bring to the table other than just. Letting folks use me sexually.
I know loving me or even caring about me is hard. I'm a hard person to put up with.
I know that I have nothing of value to bring to the table other than just. Letting folks use me sexually.
May 25, 2025 at 9:13 AM
And that's why I don't want to be here anymore.
I know loving me or even caring about me is hard. I'm a hard person to put up with.
I know that I have nothing of value to bring to the table other than just. Letting folks use me sexually.
I know loving me or even caring about me is hard. I'm a hard person to put up with.
I know that I have nothing of value to bring to the table other than just. Letting folks use me sexually.
And I know I'm hard to deal with. I know it's super easy to hate/resent me. Yes it hurts when I see the love in someone's eyes turn to resentment. But I get it. Trust me, I do.
But I'm willing to bet I hate me more than anyone else ever could.
But I'm willing to bet I hate me more than anyone else ever could.
May 25, 2025 at 9:11 AM
And I know I'm hard to deal with. I know it's super easy to hate/resent me. Yes it hurts when I see the love in someone's eyes turn to resentment. But I get it. Trust me, I do.
But I'm willing to bet I hate me more than anyone else ever could.
But I'm willing to bet I hate me more than anyone else ever could.
Or, tl;dr:
I am worthless because I can't work and make money to survive because I am disabled.
It doesn't matter if I can help it or not.
My value to folks the majority of my life up until recently has been based on my ability to work and function
I am worthless because I can't work and make money to survive because I am disabled.
It doesn't matter if I can help it or not.
My value to folks the majority of my life up until recently has been based on my ability to work and function
May 25, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Or, tl;dr:
I am worthless because I can't work and make money to survive because I am disabled.
It doesn't matter if I can help it or not.
My value to folks the majority of my life up until recently has been based on my ability to work and function
I am worthless because I can't work and make money to survive because I am disabled.
It doesn't matter if I can help it or not.
My value to folks the majority of my life up until recently has been based on my ability to work and function
And if there's anything most of the folks in my life have taught me, it's that my disability is no fucking biggie, and that all the labels on paper are just that, and that I've taken meds a majority of my life for absolutely no reason.
May 25, 2025 at 9:07 AM
And if there's anything most of the folks in my life have taught me, it's that my disability is no fucking biggie, and that all the labels on paper are just that, and that I've taken meds a majority of my life for absolutely no reason.
I can't do much SW because it's a bit triggering but I'm trying to push it because the only thing I'm apparently worth is being paid to jack off by some rando.
I have. No fucking worth. No value.
I have. No fucking worth. No value.
May 25, 2025 at 9:06 AM
I can't do much SW because it's a bit triggering but I'm trying to push it because the only thing I'm apparently worth is being paid to jack off by some rando.
I have. No fucking worth. No value.
I have. No fucking worth. No value.
I love drawing but I can't even do commissions that often because even doing the thing I love most in the world takes so much out of me.
I fucking hate this. It hurts knowing I can't do jack shit as a parent and spouse to help keep things financially stable
I fucking hate this. It hurts knowing I can't do jack shit as a parent and spouse to help keep things financially stable
May 25, 2025 at 9:03 AM
I love drawing but I can't even do commissions that often because even doing the thing I love most in the world takes so much out of me.
I fucking hate this. It hurts knowing I can't do jack shit as a parent and spouse to help keep things financially stable
I fucking hate this. It hurts knowing I can't do jack shit as a parent and spouse to help keep things financially stable
I struggle to get out of bed anymore. On good days if my back or joints aren't killing me ill be productive, be it with cleaning, cooking, drawing, whatever.
My family struggles badly for money and I can't work a job. Disability keeps denying me.
My family struggles badly for money and I can't work a job. Disability keeps denying me.
May 25, 2025 at 9:02 AM
I struggle to get out of bed anymore. On good days if my back or joints aren't killing me ill be productive, be it with cleaning, cooking, drawing, whatever.
My family struggles badly for money and I can't work a job. Disability keeps denying me.
My family struggles badly for money and I can't work a job. Disability keeps denying me.
I'm exhausted. I can't keep getting up every day trying to recover from some dumbass ptsd-fueled nightmare, keeping myself locked up in the house because I'm terrified of going outside anymore for more stupid ptsd related reasons
May 25, 2025 at 8:58 AM
I'm exhausted. I can't keep getting up every day trying to recover from some dumbass ptsd-fueled nightmare, keeping myself locked up in the house because I'm terrified of going outside anymore for more stupid ptsd related reasons
And I know I've been saying it for years.
But the next time I try is gonna be fool proof.
And yeah, folks can suggest I go to a psych ward or get meds adjusted or whatever but it's never permanent. It helps for a short period of time then I'm back here again
But the next time I try is gonna be fool proof.
And yeah, folks can suggest I go to a psych ward or get meds adjusted or whatever but it's never permanent. It helps for a short period of time then I'm back here again
May 25, 2025 at 8:54 AM
And I know I've been saying it for years.
But the next time I try is gonna be fool proof.
And yeah, folks can suggest I go to a psych ward or get meds adjusted or whatever but it's never permanent. It helps for a short period of time then I'm back here again
But the next time I try is gonna be fool proof.
And yeah, folks can suggest I go to a psych ward or get meds adjusted or whatever but it's never permanent. It helps for a short period of time then I'm back here again
But I know there will eventually come a time where staying alive is more painful than what people would feel if I left.
I'm aware it's selfish. I know it's going to hurt people. It's why I can't do it yet.
But I'm so fucking close to my breaking point.
I'm aware it's selfish. I know it's going to hurt people. It's why I can't do it yet.
But I'm so fucking close to my breaking point.
May 25, 2025 at 8:51 AM
But I know there will eventually come a time where staying alive is more painful than what people would feel if I left.
I'm aware it's selfish. I know it's going to hurt people. It's why I can't do it yet.
But I'm so fucking close to my breaking point.
I'm aware it's selfish. I know it's going to hurt people. It's why I can't do it yet.
But I'm so fucking close to my breaking point.
I've perfected it.
I even know the best places to take out my own frustrations on my body without people even knowing.
No one will ever know. I'm here because I care so much about the folks I love. I can't hurt them like that yet.
I even know the best places to take out my own frustrations on my body without people even knowing.
No one will ever know. I'm here because I care so much about the folks I love. I can't hurt them like that yet.
May 25, 2025 at 8:50 AM
I've perfected it.
I even know the best places to take out my own frustrations on my body without people even knowing.
No one will ever know. I'm here because I care so much about the folks I love. I can't hurt them like that yet.
I even know the best places to take out my own frustrations on my body without people even knowing.
No one will ever know. I'm here because I care so much about the folks I love. I can't hurt them like that yet.
Anyways hahaha if I ever grow the balls to do it I hope I've gotten good enough at masking where people will say there were no warning signs, they didn't se either coming, whatever.
It'll happen when people least expect it. No one will know the ifs and whens and hows.
It'll happen when people least expect it. No one will know the ifs and whens and hows.
May 25, 2025 at 8:48 AM
Anyways hahaha if I ever grow the balls to do it I hope I've gotten good enough at masking where people will say there were no warning signs, they didn't se either coming, whatever.
It'll happen when people least expect it. No one will know the ifs and whens and hows.
It'll happen when people least expect it. No one will know the ifs and whens and hows.
This time I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm not telling a soul a damn thing. Sure I'll post on this account every now and then, but I do it here because I know it goes unread. And it's nice to scream shit into a void to get it out
May 25, 2025 at 8:46 AM
This time I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm not telling a soul a damn thing. Sure I'll post on this account every now and then, but I do it here because I know it goes unread. And it's nice to scream shit into a void to get it out
Can't have another incident where I love someone so much Im fucking stupid enough to let my walls completely down, allowing them to come in and destroy me.
May 25, 2025 at 8:45 AM
Can't have another incident where I love someone so much Im fucking stupid enough to let my walls completely down, allowing them to come in and destroy me.
And I can't say a damn thing to anyone. It's fucking hilarious.
The less I say the less they'll know. The less they know the better.
The less I say the less they'll know. The less they know the better.
May 25, 2025 at 8:43 AM
And I can't say a damn thing to anyone. It's fucking hilarious.
The less I say the less they'll know. The less they know the better.
The less I say the less they'll know. The less they know the better.