Duncan Whitmire
@duncanwhitmire.bsky.social
Words in McSweeneys IT, CRAFT, the Rumpus, Colorado Review, and Quarterly West. MFA-Fiction grad from Bennington Writing Seminars. #FreePalestine
Once I had to return a woman's sword that she'd left by the copier and ask her to leave* for the crime of being too fucking awesome.
*take the sword home and return unarmed
*take the sword home and return unarmed
December 11, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Once I had to return a woman's sword that she'd left by the copier and ask her to leave* for the crime of being too fucking awesome.
*take the sword home and return unarmed
*take the sword home and return unarmed
Would happily surrender to the Begs the Question crowd if they'd agree to stop calling everything under the sun a Catch-22
December 10, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Would happily surrender to the Begs the Question crowd if they'd agree to stop calling everything under the sun a Catch-22
I think in addition to the cover, patrons remember a single striking color element from the cover, or just a feeling it gave them in general. I never came up with a unified theory of how it worked, but it was definitely interesting!
August 16, 2025 at 2:41 AM
I think in addition to the cover, patrons remember a single striking color element from the cover, or just a feeling it gave them in general. I never came up with a unified theory of how it worked, but it was definitely interesting!
My only quibble with this is that when people say they only remember that the cover was red, you can be pretty sure of one thing... the cover is not red.
August 15, 2025 at 8:00 PM
My only quibble with this is that when people say they only remember that the cover was red, you can be pretty sure of one thing... the cover is not red.
The Wu-Tang Friends
August 13, 2025 at 3:05 PM
The Wu-Tang Friends
“She would've been a good woman," said The Dentist, "if it had been somebody there to [schedule a dental appointment] every minute of her life.”
July 31, 2025 at 3:09 PM
“She would've been a good woman," said The Dentist, "if it had been somebody there to [schedule a dental appointment] every minute of her life.”
Yeah, Japan emphasizes de-escalation and public safety in their police training, while here in the US... not so much.
June 4, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Yeah, Japan emphasizes de-escalation and public safety in their police training, while here in the US... not so much.
They can if you trust her with a small torch or a good lighter.
May 28, 2025 at 3:48 PM
They can if you trust her with a small torch or a good lighter.
I love the pride he takes informing the world of this word he discovered while combing the archives. Is it arcane, yes—but what else are we supposed to call these bags of food and eggs?
May 16, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I love the pride he takes informing the world of this word he discovered while combing the archives. Is it arcane, yes—but what else are we supposed to call these bags of food and eggs?
Bet the little guy on the right is looking up recipes for fried rice
May 12, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Bet the little guy on the right is looking up recipes for fried rice
So, it's okay to auction off the tiaras and donate the proceeds to charity? Let's just do that then, as a start, at least.
May 10, 2025 at 2:07 PM
So, it's okay to auction off the tiaras and donate the proceeds to charity? Let's just do that then, as a start, at least.
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Let's just google "papal tiaras" together and marvel at the humble, gem-studded crowns you and I co-own with our new Pope.
May 9, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Let's just google "papal tiaras" together and marvel at the humble, gem-studded crowns you and I co-own with our new Pope.
Maybe the Vatican realtor could bond with Elon over their shared misogyny and transphobia to get a better deal.
May 9, 2025 at 2:58 PM
Maybe the Vatican realtor could bond with Elon over their shared misogyny and transphobia to get a better deal.
Yes, people living with poverty love to travel to the Vatican and marvel at the art they co-own with the Pope. Very inspiring.
May 9, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Yes, people living with poverty love to travel to the Vatican and marvel at the art they co-own with the Pope. Very inspiring.
So... he kept two residences as a way to perform humility while sitting on a vast hoard of wealth the church has withheld from the poor for 2000 years
a man says okay but that 's worse in front of a woman
Alt: Chidi from The Good Place tells Elenor, "okay but that 's worse. you do get how that's worse, right?"
media.tenor.com
May 9, 2025 at 1:18 PM
So... he kept two residences as a way to perform humility while sitting on a vast hoard of wealth the church has withheld from the poor for 2000 years
New @tkingfisher.com cover art just dropped
May 8, 2025 at 4:16 PM
New @tkingfisher.com cover art just dropped
America will elect a Black lesbian communist before we see an anti-diddling pope
May 8, 2025 at 4:08 PM
America will elect a Black lesbian communist before we see an anti-diddling pope
So much hyperbole in academia. Nothing can ever just be palimpse, or palimpser--it always has to be palimpsest.
May 3, 2025 at 9:11 PM
So much hyperbole in academia. Nothing can ever just be palimpse, or palimpser--it always has to be palimpsest.
Ah, dang, I got blocked too. And here I was, looking forward to seeing more vintage FB memes from days of yore.
May 1, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Ah, dang, I got blocked too. And here I was, looking forward to seeing more vintage FB memes from days of yore.
Hard to tell if he's trying to make a point or just showing off his antique meme collection
May 1, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Hard to tell if he's trying to make a point or just showing off his antique meme collection
Might as well round that list out with Farsi...
May 1, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Might as well round that list out with Farsi...