Was v v fortunate to be able to get a new one w the features I wanted on short notice. Actually p excited for when it arrives & I can play w illustration apps that actually function.

Never paid beaucoup bucks for sushi so I'm pretty positive that all my fish were frozen dead before they were ever dismembered and served to me.

I just clocked theres an artist tag on it , cowlum 👍

I have tried multiple strains in multiple forms hoping to eventually land on something that felt good but each experiment just made me more stressed if not straight up anxious.

Also the guilt is bc of how difficult I've made things for my co workers just by leaving.

Which ok. Normal when you care abt people. But staying would've prompted a lupus flare and put my stress through the roof. They don't want that for me.

Beneath that, however, is anxiety that I've done something that will be reprimanded and soon receive correction. And *that's* recognizably irrational and tells me that yes I do need time away from this job.

I didn't draw my stupid pictures. Instead I cried and scrolled on my phone for 3 hours waiting for a restaurant to open for my door dash order.

For now I'm just gonna make some tea and draw my stupid pictures.

Will give it another week. This might have just been a tough night for everyone else too. If I really can't handle it, I'll call my director and we'll figure out the best time for me to leave the company.

I know I messed up. Seems like every 6 months I've this same mistake by moving too fast. I'm on a final warning.

If this is the plan for correction, I don't think I'm gonna last.

Kinda wish they had just fired me.

The room went silent each time each time I got a series of questions. Seemed like I was being asked to say where I was cutting corners or asked to verbally figure out where I went wrong. Those exchanges petered out as the questions ran out or other things came up.