Men (& women) must enter the #metoo movement, as witnesses, advocates, and as unintentional perpetrators. The next phase of the #metoo movement will come from the witnesses and perpetrators, as well as the victim/survivors. Men will need to acknowledge sexual victimization and perpetration).

Victims may not want to believe that they trusted someone who was untrustworthy. They might also believe that the rapist was usually a good person. It is even more difficult for the aggressor to admit harmful behavior.

...SELF-PROTECTION (including fear of admitting behaviors that you believe were not acceptable (drinking, being in forbidden areas,..) and/or PROTECTING OTHERS (parents, friends, the rapist). A common behavior in rape is physical restraint. A common reaction to rape is to freeze. This helps DENIAL.

Rapists and victims often resist labeling their experience as rape for many reasons: SELF-DEFINITION (I am (or he is) a good person, so I (he) cannot be a rapist. I am a strong person, so I cannot be a victim. FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS that can encourage minimization and denial, ...

Sexual scripts may be more influential than rape scripts in socially structuring most rapes. Some people believe that sex is a game with winners and losers, men cannot control their sexual impulses and/or that aggression is a normal part of good sex. There is also entitlement to sex.

There may be multiple rape scripts (ex: fraternity rapes, date rapes, marital rapes), but they might not match the actual interaction a rapist/victim experienced. Also, rape can have multiple motives, but power, punishment, dominance… are always coupled with sex in the act of rape.

Rape scripts can be highly stereotyped (ex: outdoors, strangers, extremely physically violent) and can make it hard for victims and perpetrators to label their experience. Rape scripts often do not match the complicated and confusing behavior of actual sexual interactions.

Many communities promote sexual aggression by supporting Denial through rape myths. Examples include patriarchal societies and religions, some male groups (ex: sports teams, fraternities), some gangs. Even personality and age might influence beliefs in rape myths.

Moreover, rape myths and sexual/ rape scripts can be complex, layered, and fraught. Rape myths encourage the mislabeling of experiences (ex: good women can’t be raped, real men can’t be raped, victims triggered the rape, it’s just dominant-sex or rough sex,..).

Rape is a social construct – defined by the culture and community. There are legal and cultural nuances to the definition of sexual aggression and rape, our culture defines rape as the absence of consent (we used to demand proof of resistance) including physical force and threats.

The #Metoo movement Illustrated the growing understanding of the nature of sexual aggression and rape. Victims/ survivors of sexual assault recognized and publicly acknowledged their experiences. This was very brave. People do not want to be known as victims. Sexual assault is a very private event.

A little bit of history helps. Early research showed that many victims/ survivors of sexual aggression did not know they were raped (ex: Koss et al.). Again, there was Denial. Minimization. Rationalization. There are also many cultural reasons.

Entitlement is at the core of rape. Rape is a choice that people make. The rapist’s beliefs entitle him to sexual access, to punish certain people or certain behaviors, and dismiss the needs and desires of the other person. Sexual narcissism and a lack of empathy feed entitlement.

Cultural reasons are what I will discuss: Rape myths, rape scripts, and sexual scripts. Rape myths are cultural beliefs about the nature and causes of rape. Rape scripts are ideas about how rapes occur. Sexual scripts are beliefs about sexual norms and typical sex acts.