Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
Psychologist; SEEK Safely board president; marathoner. Realistic, sustainable trauma & addiction recovery.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Continuing to engage w/ someone who is toxic to us, even if we're right, even if no one else is challenging them, at the expense of our safety & stability is a trap.
There is NO argument or interaction, especially on the internet, worth sacrificing our safety & stability over.
There is NO argument or interaction, especially on the internet, worth sacrificing our safety & stability over.
November 11, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Continuing to engage w/ someone who is toxic to us, even if we're right, even if no one else is challenging them, at the expense of our safety & stability is a trap.
There is NO argument or interaction, especially on the internet, worth sacrificing our safety & stability over.
There is NO argument or interaction, especially on the internet, worth sacrificing our safety & stability over.
Ignoring our own needs is 100% one of the most destructively selfish things we can do. Over time it practically guarantees we're going to flame out & be unable to support any person or pet we love.
You're not The Exception who can run on empty indefinitely. The bill comes due.
You're not The Exception who can run on empty indefinitely. The bill comes due.
November 11, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Ignoring our own needs is 100% one of the most destructively selfish things we can do. Over time it practically guarantees we're going to flame out & be unable to support any person or pet we love.
You're not The Exception who can run on empty indefinitely. The bill comes due.
You're not The Exception who can run on empty indefinitely. The bill comes due.
"Trauma bonding" is the confusing attachment we feel toward people who hurt us-- but we need to remember that it's not "love" or a "choice."
It's the kind of instinctive bond that a kid-- or a person of any age-- who has been starved of connection & forced to be dependent forms.
It's the kind of instinctive bond that a kid-- or a person of any age-- who has been starved of connection & forced to be dependent forms.
November 11, 2025 at 1:45 AM
"Trauma bonding" is the confusing attachment we feel toward people who hurt us-- but we need to remember that it's not "love" or a "choice."
It's the kind of instinctive bond that a kid-- or a person of any age-- who has been starved of connection & forced to be dependent forms.
It's the kind of instinctive bond that a kid-- or a person of any age-- who has been starved of connection & forced to be dependent forms.
It's not our fault that we grew up mistaking attachment for connection. We're not born understanding what we need & deserve-- all we know is what we experienced.
Turns out, many "choices" we made to be consistent w/ a toxic comfort zone weren't actual choices. Grace over guilt.
Turns out, many "choices" we made to be consistent w/ a toxic comfort zone weren't actual choices. Grace over guilt.
November 11, 2025 at 1:45 AM
It's not our fault that we grew up mistaking attachment for connection. We're not born understanding what we need & deserve-- all we know is what we experienced.
Turns out, many "choices" we made to be consistent w/ a toxic comfort zone weren't actual choices. Grace over guilt.
Turns out, many "choices" we made to be consistent w/ a toxic comfort zone weren't actual choices. Grace over guilt.
Our trauma recovery is not a "distraction" from our more important work. Working our recovery is what makes our more important work possible-- what protects it from our bullies & abusers trying to reach across the years & ruin what we love today.
November 10, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Our trauma recovery is not a "distraction" from our more important work. Working our recovery is what makes our more important work possible-- what protects it from our bullies & abusers trying to reach across the years & ruin what we love today.
CPTSD is lying to you about the "need" to interact w/ yourself in caustic, destructive ways. Treating yourself like an *sshole has zero to do w/ "high standards."
Wanna hold yourself to a super high standard? Stay consistent w/ the self-love, even when it feels counterintuitive.
Wanna hold yourself to a super high standard? Stay consistent w/ the self-love, even when it feels counterintuitive.
November 10, 2025 at 11:36 AM
CPTSD is lying to you about the "need" to interact w/ yourself in caustic, destructive ways. Treating yourself like an *sshole has zero to do w/ "high standards."
Wanna hold yourself to a super high standard? Stay consistent w/ the self-love, even when it feels counterintuitive.
Wanna hold yourself to a super high standard? Stay consistent w/ the self-love, even when it feels counterintuitive.
We've got the energy, focus, & motivation we have today. No more; no less. No shame or "should" is going to change it.
Thing is: we CAN do the trauma recovery basics-- self-compassion, self-acceptance, patience, & authenticity-- no matter how much bandwidth we do or don't have.
Thing is: we CAN do the trauma recovery basics-- self-compassion, self-acceptance, patience, & authenticity-- no matter how much bandwidth we do or don't have.
November 10, 2025 at 11:35 AM
We've got the energy, focus, & motivation we have today. No more; no less. No shame or "should" is going to change it.
Thing is: we CAN do the trauma recovery basics-- self-compassion, self-acceptance, patience, & authenticity-- no matter how much bandwidth we do or don't have.
Thing is: we CAN do the trauma recovery basics-- self-compassion, self-acceptance, patience, & authenticity-- no matter how much bandwidth we do or don't have.
The experience of having rare and/or intense allergic reactions that go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years is absolutely a complex traumatic stressor-- one that's often disbelieved or mocked, making survivors feel exponentially more alone, hopeless, & exhausted.
November 10, 2025 at 11:34 AM
The experience of having rare and/or intense allergic reactions that go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years is absolutely a complex traumatic stressor-- one that's often disbelieved or mocked, making survivors feel exponentially more alone, hopeless, & exhausted.
What many people mean by "tough love" has nothing to do w/ realistic problem solving or effective life strategizing-- they're just trying to bypass the actual work of recovery, which requires self-acceptance & self-compassion in the service of sustainable, incremental change.
November 10, 2025 at 11:32 AM
What many people mean by "tough love" has nothing to do w/ realistic problem solving or effective life strategizing-- they're just trying to bypass the actual work of recovery, which requires self-acceptance & self-compassion in the service of sustainable, incremental change.
Nobody else gets a vote on whether something "should" be a trigger for us. Hell, even WE don't get a vote on that.
If something triggers us, it triggers us-- & the decision we DO get is whether we're going to meet that trigger w/ realism & compassion, or let it kick our ass.
If something triggers us, it triggers us-- & the decision we DO get is whether we're going to meet that trigger w/ realism & compassion, or let it kick our ass.
November 9, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Nobody else gets a vote on whether something "should" be a trigger for us. Hell, even WE don't get a vote on that.
If something triggers us, it triggers us-- & the decision we DO get is whether we're going to meet that trigger w/ realism & compassion, or let it kick our ass.
If something triggers us, it triggers us-- & the decision we DO get is whether we're going to meet that trigger w/ realism & compassion, or let it kick our ass.
"Suck it up" is not a trauma recovery strategy. Saying variations of "suck it up," though, is a strategy of certain people to make you feel like garbage & distract you from effective, realistic, self-compassionate recovery strategies.
November 9, 2025 at 10:02 PM
"Suck it up" is not a trauma recovery strategy. Saying variations of "suck it up," though, is a strategy of certain people to make you feel like garbage & distract you from effective, realistic, self-compassionate recovery strategies.
Doubting our ability to recover is PART of recovery. Literally no survivor has been all in, all the time, on our ability to do this. Trauma conditioning is DESIGNED to stoke self doubt.
Don't demand you be all in or doubt free today. Just do the next recovery supporting thing.
Don't demand you be all in or doubt free today. Just do the next recovery supporting thing.
November 9, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Doubting our ability to recover is PART of recovery. Literally no survivor has been all in, all the time, on our ability to do this. Trauma conditioning is DESIGNED to stoke self doubt.
Don't demand you be all in or doubt free today. Just do the next recovery supporting thing.
Don't demand you be all in or doubt free today. Just do the next recovery supporting thing.
People who can & will realistically support our trauma recovery really listen to us-- & people who can't or don't actually listen to us can't or won't be realistic, reliable recovery supports.
November 9, 2025 at 10:00 PM
People who can & will realistically support our trauma recovery really listen to us-- & people who can't or don't actually listen to us can't or won't be realistic, reliable recovery supports.
Safe people know how to handle hearing "no" without losing their sh*t & pivoting to emotional abuse.
No exceptions.
No exceptions.
November 9, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Safe people know how to handle hearing "no" without losing their sh*t & pivoting to emotional abuse.
No exceptions.
No exceptions.
No "failure" to achieve a specific goal makes you a "failure" or "unworthy" as a person. That's CPTSD trying to make you feel like garbage & get you to quit. All "failure" at a specific goal makes you is human. A work in progress, like the rest of us-- & worthy of another chance.
November 9, 2025 at 12:06 PM
No "failure" to achieve a specific goal makes you a "failure" or "unworthy" as a person. That's CPTSD trying to make you feel like garbage & get you to quit. All "failure" at a specific goal makes you is human. A work in progress, like the rest of us-- & worthy of another chance.
Yes, our emotional reactions can be "spiked" by our trauma history-- but it doesn't follow that EVERY time we have a feeling or reaction to something it's evidence of our "damage."
You get to have feelings. You get to have reactions. You get to have an emotional life.
You get to have feelings. You get to have reactions. You get to have an emotional life.
November 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Yes, our emotional reactions can be "spiked" by our trauma history-- but it doesn't follow that EVERY time we have a feeling or reaction to something it's evidence of our "damage."
You get to have feelings. You get to have reactions. You get to have an emotional life.
You get to have feelings. You get to have reactions. You get to have an emotional life.
It is not "entitled" to acknowledge what we needed & didn't get growing up. We're not suffering now because we weren't parented "perfectly."
Figuring out what we lacked isn't even necessarily about "blame:" we're just trying to understand our wound so we can design our recovery.
Figuring out what we lacked isn't even necessarily about "blame:" we're just trying to understand our wound so we can design our recovery.
November 9, 2025 at 1:45 AM
It is not "entitled" to acknowledge what we needed & didn't get growing up. We're not suffering now because we weren't parented "perfectly."
Figuring out what we lacked isn't even necessarily about "blame:" we're just trying to understand our wound so we can design our recovery.
Figuring out what we lacked isn't even necessarily about "blame:" we're just trying to understand our wound so we can design our recovery.
The b*tch of people pleasing is that anyone in your life who makes you feel like you need to scramble for their approval probably isn't going to eventually say "that's good enough, you've earned it, you can relax now."
The only way to "win" a rigged game is not to play.
The only way to "win" a rigged game is not to play.
November 9, 2025 at 1:44 AM
The b*tch of people pleasing is that anyone in your life who makes you feel like you need to scramble for their approval probably isn't going to eventually say "that's good enough, you've earned it, you can relax now."
The only way to "win" a rigged game is not to play.
The only way to "win" a rigged game is not to play.
Your feelings are not "drama," & anyone who makes you feel that way is way more immature than they're trying to make you feel.
November 9, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Your feelings are not "drama," & anyone who makes you feel that way is way more immature than they're trying to make you feel.
Our nervous system cares more about safety than it cares about learning. If we wanna level up our life, we're gonna have to get realistic about what it needs to hear & what it needs us to do to feel safe first-- &, spoiler, we're not gonna force or shame it into feeling safe.
November 9, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Our nervous system cares more about safety than it cares about learning. If we wanna level up our life, we're gonna have to get realistic about what it needs to hear & what it needs us to do to feel safe first-- &, spoiler, we're not gonna force or shame it into feeling safe.
The shame that you were made to experience about thinking or feeling certain things has nothing to do w/ those things being good or bad, right or wrong. It had everything to do w/ someone wanting to control your behavior by manipulating your thoughts & feelings.
F*ck that.
F*ck that.
November 8, 2025 at 6:17 PM
The shame that you were made to experience about thinking or feeling certain things has nothing to do w/ those things being good or bad, right or wrong. It had everything to do w/ someone wanting to control your behavior by manipulating your thoughts & feelings.
F*ck that.
F*ck that.
Realistic trauma recovery starts by just noticing, without shame or judgment (that part's important), how often we reflexively try to cram ourselves into an identity that doesn't fit us just because someone else expects or desires us to "be" that person.
Just notice today.
Just notice today.
November 8, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Realistic trauma recovery starts by just noticing, without shame or judgment (that part's important), how often we reflexively try to cram ourselves into an identity that doesn't fit us just because someone else expects or desires us to "be" that person.
Just notice today.
Just notice today.
The world is full of people & institutions who will unapologetically exploit our "fawn" trauma response.
It's up to us to not shame ourselves for being vulnerable to that kind of pressure-- & to manage our underappreciated "fawn" reflex w/ respect, realism, & compassion.
It's up to us to not shame ourselves for being vulnerable to that kind of pressure-- & to manage our underappreciated "fawn" reflex w/ respect, realism, & compassion.
November 8, 2025 at 3:27 AM
The world is full of people & institutions who will unapologetically exploit our "fawn" trauma response.
It's up to us to not shame ourselves for being vulnerable to that kind of pressure-- & to manage our underappreciated "fawn" reflex w/ respect, realism, & compassion.
It's up to us to not shame ourselves for being vulnerable to that kind of pressure-- & to manage our underappreciated "fawn" reflex w/ respect, realism, & compassion.