Bill Simmons showing up on Monday Night Raw is Apex Mountain for stuff I like that I don’t tell potential romantic partners about.

I know I’m severely internet poisoned because I was READY for Luigi Mangione’s video to end with the Ghost Car jumpscare.

Alabama missed the playoff, the Yankees missed out on Soto. Please make sure to check in on your absolute worst friend today.

Me watching my Yankee fan friends discuss financial stability post-Soto to the Mets.

youtu.be/P7PaOMh3G4A?...

The police had my office completely surrounded when I left so I assume the killer’s hiding out in the MLB store

Me mentoring junior associates:

Singing “Bo Nix, more like Bo Ner,” In Gregorian Chant all advent because I missed the playoffs

Hulk Hogan: Ambassador to Japan is coming. Be ready.

Heard the prize purse for Paul vs. Tyson includes the Secretary of the Interior nomination.

No offense to Cooper Flagg but I don’t think he realizes the boomer-hell he’ll unleash on the rest of us if an American white guy goes first in the NBA draft.

My dad’s already sending me YouTube mixtapes of him. MUSIC-LESS YouTube mixtapes!

“Taylor Swift, Oasis, My Chemical Romance, great time to be someone who decided that their favorite thing at 13 was the last good thing to exist, ammiright?” - Me, actively pursuing my own death wish

Your friends’ group chat when you tell them you saw your ex: