I can't believe no one ever catches on to the fact that some of the stupid things I do are simply to distract from the bigger, more stupid things I do. I don't want to talk about why I fired NWS and NOAA staff that could have saved lives, so I go back to tariffs. You people are so easily fooled.

People think eliminating NWS staff that could have prevented so many deaths, firing the people who maintain our nuclear facilities, firing air traffic controllers that keep our skies safe, hiring morons who share classified information in a group chat, etc etc etc make me incompetent. They're right.

I want to thank Gov Abbott, Rep Chip Roy and other MAGA leaders for demonstrating that it doesn’t matter that I cut the National Weather Service when officials are going to ignore their data anyway. Free advice- if you’re not very smart, surround yourself with people who are even dumber.

20 kids missing in Texas floods. I am waiting to see if they were some of the Americans I hate, as I explained earlier today, or even worse, migrant kids. Glad to be getting rid of FEMA! Make hate great again!

My big beautiful bill passed the Senate thanks to my bitch-in-drag-VP, JD Vance. I am proud to lead such an incredibly spineless and unprincipled party. No wonder the GOP calls me Daddy. I love that I am hurting everyone I hate with no opposition whatsoever.

The radical leftists are missing the point. The U.S. now leads the world in cruelty and incarceration. What better message can we send the world? Don’t give us your poor, your tired or your hungry. We are closed for business unless you are white or very rich.

America used to inspire the world with our ideas- industry, technology, medicine, justice. I am proud to say that under my leadership all of that is done! The U.S. has put a stop to using our wealth and decency to save lives around the globe. No more! You’re welcome.

People are giving me crap for addressing “Mr. Japan” because they don’t understand business and politics like I do. I always refer to my dear friends “The Rooskie,” “Bennie NOTaYahoo,” “Mr. Checklowslowvakya,” and “Mr. 51st State.” Did I mention I aced my cognitive test?

I miss my dear dear friend Jeffrey Epstein. I'd go to his island for a weekend and play 18 holes. We'd golf, too.

Yes, I said I felt like a "warrior" today. Maybe you didn't see my photo op in the Situation Room. I also play Call of Duty. Nobody could have served with the bone spurs I had. Doctors used to cry and say, "Sir, I don't know how you're even still alive." Well, I am. Warrior.

Still waiting for my Nobel Peace Prize. If threatening military intervention against the sovereign rights of Panama, Greenland and Canada doesn't deserve this recognition, I don't know what does!

Wassup Bluesky? Thought I'd try this platform since mine is so pathetic and weak, just like me!