Ooh, now I want to find one of those. It's like a New York Times game "Guess the thread".

I have to spend more time here.

I wish it would elaborate on"countability".

The rest looks spot on.

/s obviously

I practiced my presentation in the mirror this morning. I've mastered saying "continuous improvement" without blinking or laughing. I consider this my greatest professional achievement.

This is agile. We're agile.

Whatever that means.

Each point on the graph represents a story we once believed in, now buried under bug reports and rescheduled retrospectives.

I head in the opposite direction. In twenty minutes, I have a meeting with stakeholders where I'll present a PowerPoint featuring an upward-trending velocity graph. The X-axis says "Sprints" and the Y-axis says "Story Points Completed," but it might as well say "Hopes" and "Dreams."

The meeting ends. Most of the team drifts toward the foosball table, where they'll display more energy and strategic thinking in thirty minutes than was evident in our entire planning session.

"So we're good for this sprint?" asks the Scrum Master.

We all nod with the confidence of people who know exactly what they're agreeing to and exactly how it will fail to happen.

Someone mentions they'll be out three days next week for a dentist appointment that somehow requires 24 hours of recovery. Nobody questions this. In fact, there's a hint of envy in our eyes. A dentist's drill sounds peaceful compared to another retrospective.

"Let's just carry over the unfinished tickets and add these three critical bugs," says the product owner, pointing at new items that mysteriously appeared at the top of our backlog.

"Actually," says the project manager, checking his watch, "we only have fifteen minutes left. We scheduled an hour for planning but spent forty-five minutes discussing why we didn't finish last sprint's work."

Planning poker avoided. Relief washes over us.

Everyone reaches for their planning poker cards with the enthusiasm of people selecting their preferred dental instruments. The cards are worn from use but not from actual accuracy. Our estimations have historically had the precision of weather forecasts in England.

I nod knowingly. This is the magic of agile – the ability to simultaneously complete work while having nothing to show for it. Schrödinger would be proud.

"We should do planning poker for the new tickets," suggests the Scrum Master.

"We completed the authentication module," someone offers.

"Well, the first part," another developer clarifies. "We'll need three more tickets to actually make it work."

I stare at the Jira board projected on the wall. It's a digital monument to human optimism repeatedly meeting reality in a dark alley. Three-quarters of the tickets have been copied over from previous sprints so many times they should qualify for frequent flyer miles.

"Let's go over what we accomplished last sprint," says our Scrum Master, whose enthusiasm remains inexplicably intact.

We're having another sprint planning session. I say "sprint" with all the irony I can muster, which after years of these meetings, is considerable. Our sprints have the urgency of continental drift. Glaciers move faster. And with more purpose.

I didn't choose this identity. No one asks you. One day you're working normally, the next day someone's pinning a Scrum Master certificate to your chest while you blink in confusion. Like being drafted into a war nobody understands.

I love that Lovable mojo.

Very nice product and one of the best ai agents. Wish it worked better on a phone. That's something I hope they'll improve.