There’s a new Republican Party motto: “They should have known better.” Other possibilities that were given serious consideration but later discarded are: “They had it coming” and “We told them what would happen.” Party leaders are confident that they have their finger on the pulse of the nation.

Der Fuhrer denies the existence of human rights violations throughout the world; claims it’s part of the woke conspiracy to allow asylum seekers undeserved access to the riches of white people, and that these so-called victims need to grow a pair and stick with their own kind.

I give it three months until Comey falls off the balcony of a hotel room that he’s not even checked into.

Imitating his favorite historical figure, the Pharaoh who cast Moses and the Jews out of Egypt, Mein Fuhrer can often be found stalking the palace grounds screaming “I am the God! I am the God!”

NEWS FLASH: We’re so fucked. It’s hard to pinpoint our position at any given time on we’re-so-fucked scale as over the past year the measurable quantity of our fuckedness has been increasing exponentially, unlike the universe itself which heretofore only manages to expand at a constant rate.