Discworld Quotes
@discworld-quotes.bsky.social
[Assorted quotes from the book series Discworld by Terry Pratchett. All text posted by this account is pulled directly from the books unless enclosed in brackets. Account run by @jaycatte.online. Avatar art from the 27th book in the series, The Last Hero.]
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[Curator's note: These quotes will largely be getting pulled from my collection of paperback Harper Torch editions of the Discworld series. Each quote will have the title as an acronym, followed by the page number, in brackets at the end.]
When light encounters a strong magical field it loses all sense of urgency. It slows right down. And on the Discworld the magic was embarrassingly strong, which meant that the soft yellow light of dawn flowed over the sleeping landscape like the caress of a gentle lover or, as some would have it,
June 17, 2025 at 3:46 AM
When light encounters a strong magical field it loses all sense of urgency. It slows right down. And on the Discworld the magic was embarrassingly strong, which meant that the soft yellow light of dawn flowed over the sleeping landscape like the caress of a gentle lover or, as some would have it,
"Right," said Vimes. "After all, we're heavily armed men going on patrol among civilians who are, by law, unarmed. If we're careful, we shouldn't get too badly hurt."
[NW.248]
[NW.248]
June 14, 2025 at 6:26 AM
"Right," said Vimes. "After all, we're heavily armed men going on patrol among civilians who are, by law, unarmed. If we're careful, we shouldn't get too badly hurt."
[NW.248]
[NW.248]
How did it go, now? Think of things happening one after the other. Don't assume that you know what's going to happen, because it might not. Be yourself.
[NW.100]
[NW.100]
June 14, 2025 at 3:27 AM
How did it go, now? Think of things happening one after the other. Don't assume that you know what's going to happen, because it might not. Be yourself.
[NW.100]
[NW.100]
People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but prefer dinner to turn up inside of an hour.
[NW.331]
[NW.331]
June 13, 2025 at 5:18 AM
People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but prefer dinner to turn up inside of an hour.
[NW.331]
[NW.331]
One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking.
[NW.247]
[NW.247]
June 13, 2025 at 1:18 AM
One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking.
[NW.247]
[NW.247]
He took another sip of his cocoa. It was only lukewarm now, but along with the cigar it meant that both his hands were occupied. That was important. He wasn't holding a weapon. No one could say afterward that he had a weapon.
[NW.187]
[NW.187]
June 12, 2025 at 5:43 AM
He took another sip of his cocoa. It was only lukewarm now, but along with the cigar it meant that both his hands were occupied. That was important. He wasn't holding a weapon. No one could say afterward that he had a weapon.
[NW.187]
[NW.187]
"I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice square bracket to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork, serve the public truſt comma and defend the ſubjects of His ſtroke Her bracket delete whichever is
June 12, 2025 at 4:22 AM
"I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice square bracket to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork, serve the public truſt comma and defend the ſubjects of His ſtroke Her bracket delete whichever is
Even a cavalry helmet is not a lot of use against a ballistic cobblestone.
[NW.296]
[NW.296]
June 11, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Even a cavalry helmet is not a lot of use against a ballistic cobblestone.
[NW.296]
[NW.296]
[Cities] weren't for fighting in. You couldn't see, you couldn't group, you couldn't maneuver and you were always going to be up against people who knew the place like their own kitchen. And you /definitely/ didn't want to fight an enemy that had no uniform.
[NW.298]
[NW.298]
June 11, 2025 at 3:42 AM
[Cities] weren't for fighting in. You couldn't see, you couldn't group, you couldn't maneuver and you were always going to be up against people who knew the place like their own kitchen. And you /definitely/ didn't want to fight an enemy that had no uniform.
[NW.298]
[NW.298]
"Let the record show that I took command after the captain's sudden attack of obvious insanity," he said.
[. . .]
"Was he insane, Sarge?"
"He'd asked you to shoot at people who weren't shooting back," growled Vimes, striding forward. "That makes him insane, wouldn't you say?"
[NW.260,261]
[. . .]
"Was he insane, Sarge?"
"He'd asked you to shoot at people who weren't shooting back," growled Vimes, striding forward. "That makes him insane, wouldn't you say?"
[NW.260,261]
June 9, 2025 at 9:04 PM
"Let the record show that I took command after the captain's sudden attack of obvious insanity," he said.
[. . .]
"Was he insane, Sarge?"
"He'd asked you to shoot at people who weren't shooting back," growled Vimes, striding forward. "That makes him insane, wouldn't you say?"
[NW.260,261]
[. . .]
"Was he insane, Sarge?"
"He'd asked you to shoot at people who weren't shooting back," growled Vimes, striding forward. "That makes him insane, wouldn't you say?"
[NW.260,261]
"Major Mountjoy-Standfast couldn't outthink a bunch of gormless watchmen and civilians and some veterans with garden forks?" said Lord Venturi, who had no idea how much damage a garden fork could do if hurled straight down from an elevation of twenty feet.
[NW.343]
[NW.343]
June 9, 2025 at 3:29 PM
"Major Mountjoy-Standfast couldn't outthink a bunch of gormless watchmen and civilians and some veterans with garden forks?" said Lord Venturi, who had no idea how much damage a garden fork could do if hurled straight down from an elevation of twenty feet.
[NW.343]
[NW.343]
[apologies for the lack of posts last week, I was sick! I'll be pulling quotes this week from Night Watch, the 29th book in the series. This book is about a tumultuous time in Ankh-Morpork's past, a time of civil uprising against a state-sanctioned militarized secret police force.]
June 9, 2025 at 3:24 PM
[apologies for the lack of posts last week, I was sick! I'll be pulling quotes this week from Night Watch, the 29th book in the series. This book is about a tumultuous time in Ankh-Morpork's past, a time of civil uprising against a state-sanctioned militarized secret police force.]
Now there was the sound of raised voices from behind the barricade.
"/—we own all your helmets, we own all your shoes, we own all your generals, touch us and you'll loooose . . . Morporkia, Morporkia, Morpooroorooorooooorrroorr—/"
"Rebel songs, sir!" said trooper number one. The captain sighed.
"/—we own all your helmets, we own all your shoes, we own all your generals, touch us and you'll loooose . . . Morporkia, Morporkia, Morpooroorooorooooorrroorr—/"
"Rebel songs, sir!" said trooper number one. The captain sighed.
June 8, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Now there was the sound of raised voices from behind the barricade.
"/—we own all your helmets, we own all your shoes, we own all your generals, touch us and you'll loooose . . . Morporkia, Morporkia, Morpooroorooorooooorrroorr—/"
"Rebel songs, sir!" said trooper number one. The captain sighed.
"/—we own all your helmets, we own all your shoes, we own all your generals, touch us and you'll loooose . . . Morporkia, Morporkia, Morpooroorooorooooorrroorr—/"
"Rebel songs, sir!" said trooper number one. The captain sighed.
A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.
[TCoM.115]
[TCoM.115]
May 30, 2025 at 9:25 PM
A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.
[TCoM.115]
[TCoM.115]
The Luggage gave a little creak, attracting his attention. With a lazy air of calculated menace it shut its lid slowly, grinding Rincewind’s impromptu wedge like a dry loaf.
[TCoM.45]
[TCoM.45]
May 30, 2025 at 2:34 PM
The Luggage gave a little creak, attracting his attention. With a lazy air of calculated menace it shut its lid slowly, grinding Rincewind’s impromptu wedge like a dry loaf.
[TCoM.45]
[TCoM.45]
There is only really one way to describe the effect the smell of Ankh-Morpork has on the visiting nose, and that is by analogy.
Take a tartan. Sprinkle it with confetti. Light it with strobe lights.
Now take a chameleon.
Put the chameleon on the tartan.
Watch it closely.
See?
[TLF.192]
Take a tartan. Sprinkle it with confetti. Light it with strobe lights.
Now take a chameleon.
Put the chameleon on the tartan.
Watch it closely.
See?
[TLF.192]
May 29, 2025 at 5:35 AM
There is only really one way to describe the effect the smell of Ankh-Morpork has on the visiting nose, and that is by analogy.
Take a tartan. Sprinkle it with confetti. Light it with strobe lights.
Now take a chameleon.
Put the chameleon on the tartan.
Watch it closely.
See?
[TLF.192]
Take a tartan. Sprinkle it with confetti. Light it with strobe lights.
Now take a chameleon.
Put the chameleon on the tartan.
Watch it closely.
See?
[TLF.192]
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.
[TLF.33]
[TLF.33]
May 28, 2025 at 6:13 AM
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.
[TLF.33]
[TLF.33]
The imp gave him a kind but pitying look.
“Lightning is the spears hurled by the thunder giants when they fight,” it said gently. “Established meteorological fact. You can’t /harness/ it.”
[TCoM.44]
“Lightning is the spears hurled by the thunder giants when they fight,” it said gently. “Established meteorological fact. You can’t /harness/ it.”
[TCoM.44]
May 27, 2025 at 4:04 AM
The imp gave him a kind but pitying look.
“Lightning is the spears hurled by the thunder giants when they fight,” it said gently. “Established meteorological fact. You can’t /harness/ it.”
[TCoM.44]
“Lightning is the spears hurled by the thunder giants when they fight,” it said gently. “Established meteorological fact. You can’t /harness/ it.”
[TCoM.44]
When the first explorers from the warm lands around the Circle Sea traveled into the chilly hinterland they filled in the blank spaces on their maps by grabbing the nearest native, pointing at some distant landmark, speaking very clearly in a loud voice,
May 26, 2025 at 10:22 PM
When the first explorers from the warm lands around the Circle Sea traveled into the chilly hinterland they filled in the blank spaces on their maps by grabbing the nearest native, pointing at some distant landmark, speaking very clearly in a loud voice,
Blue four-sided triangles pinwheeled across his vision. Occasionally he smiled knowingly at nothing very much and said things like "Wow" and "Urgh."
[TLF.18]
[TLF.18]
May 25, 2025 at 5:59 AM
Blue four-sided triangles pinwheeled across his vision. Occasionally he smiled knowingly at nothing very much and said things like "Wow" and "Urgh."
[TLF.18]
[TLF.18]
It is a little known but true fact that a two legged creature can usually beat a four legged creature over a short distance, simply because of the time it takes the quadruped to get its legs sorted out.
[TCoM.140]
[TCoM.140]
May 24, 2025 at 9:02 PM
It is a little known but true fact that a two legged creature can usually beat a four legged creature over a short distance, simply because of the time it takes the quadruped to get its legs sorted out.
[TCoM.140]
[TCoM.140]
"My name is immaterial," she said.
"That's a pretty name," said Rincewind.
[TCoM.179]
"That's a pretty name," said Rincewind.
[TCoM.179]
May 24, 2025 at 5:41 AM
"My name is immaterial," she said.
"That's a pretty name," said Rincewind.
[TCoM.179]
"That's a pretty name," said Rincewind.
[TCoM.179]
Twoflower was a tourist, the first of the species to evolve on the Disc, and fundamental to his very existence was the rock-hard belief that nothing bad could really happen to him because he was /not involved/;
May 24, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Twoflower was a tourist, the first of the species to evolve on the Disc, and fundamental to his very existence was the rock-hard belief that nothing bad could really happen to him because he was /not involved/;
Promotion was slow in a profession that traditionally bestowed long life, and it was accepted that younger wizards would frequently seek advancement via dead men's curly shoes, having previously emptied them of their occupants.
[TLF.13]
[TLF.13]
May 23, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Promotion was slow in a profession that traditionally bestowed long life, and it was accepted that younger wizards would frequently seek advancement via dead men's curly shoes, having previously emptied them of their occupants.
[TLF.13]
[TLF.13]
The room had been part of the library until the magic had drifted through, violently reassembling the possibility particles of everything in its path. So it was reasonable to assume that the small purple newts had been part of the floor and the pineapple custard may once have been some books.
May 23, 2025 at 4:48 AM
The room had been part of the library until the magic had drifted through, violently reassembling the possibility particles of everything in its path. So it was reasonable to assume that the small purple newts had been part of the floor and the pineapple custard may once have been some books.