brb getting wonka canceled for its depiction of oompa loompas

This is a truly cursed beverage. It's like an AI trained on the molecular structure of robutussin designed a soda. ChatGPT-ass cola

Deep respect for this scam email written like the call to adventure in a Lovecraft story. Would absolutely bite on this if I was an opium addicted professor in interwar Boston.

I wish I loved anything as much as Bob Menendez loves bribes

if you like my newsroom's work and want it to continue:

projects.thecity.nyc/ways-to-give/

🎥 nw:

inflation so bad that three slurp juices only get you two new apes

Fuck the boat "Ever Given". I will never forgive the boat for what it did to the suez canal. The should shoot the damn boat. Get it out of there