Why can't using my grocery store loyalty card help prevent me from buying that pink-canned Polar seltzer that tastes like medicine when I mean to buy the delicious seltzer that is a slightly different shade of pink?

Oh, you need a bio break? What are you going to do, shed your skin and reboot your kidneys?

Just tell us you need a minute like a normal person.

I once worked with someone whose father invented the bagel slicer. I asked my coworker how his father sliced his bagels, and it turns out he just uses a bread knife.

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