Demi Michelle 🦋
@demimschwartz.bsky.social
Award-Winning Songwriter 🦋 YA Fantasy and Thriller Author 📚 Host of Write on Track and Literary Blend ✨ Amethyst Ink Editorial 💜
For example, am I reading a twisty YA thriller? Adventurous middle grade fantasy? Atmospheric gothic horror? Having the books key details upfront helps get into the right mindset before reading the pitch, since these three examples are very different.
October 25, 2025 at 2:42 AM
For example, am I reading a twisty YA thriller? Adventurous middle grade fantasy? Atmospheric gothic horror? Having the books key details upfront helps get into the right mindset before reading the pitch, since these three examples are very different.
Hi! So, metadata is your books basic details. Title, genre, age category, word count, and comp titles. There are no hard rules, and this paragraph doesn’t “need” to be first, but it helps if so, since whoever’s reading can orient themself to the type of book before reading the blurb.
October 25, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Hi! So, metadata is your books basic details. Title, genre, age category, word count, and comp titles. There are no hard rules, and this paragraph doesn’t “need” to be first, but it helps if so, since whoever’s reading can orient themself to the type of book before reading the blurb.
You’re welcome! :)
October 24, 2025 at 8:23 PM
You’re welcome! :)
That’s my fave thing about this event. Yes, it’s fun to get randomly selected and receive free feedback, but we try to make our notes as general as possible so everyone can take away tips. 🤍
October 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
That’s my fave thing about this event. Yes, it’s fun to get randomly selected and receive free feedback, but we try to make our notes as general as possible so everyone can take away tips. 🤍
And that’s a wrap. Thanks for hanging out with me. If you have any general questions, ask away, and I’ll respond. Otherwise, see you for the annual contest next spring. 💎💜 #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:27 PM
And that’s a wrap. Thanks for hanging out with me. If you have any general questions, ask away, and I’ll respond. Otherwise, see you for the annual contest next spring. 💎💜 #RevPit #10Queries
P10 - Great voice and setting details. I don’t think you’re starting in the right place. This scene felt too casual, and a lot of focus was on the other character. I suggest writing an active opening focusing more on your MC and hinting at their GMC. Pull back on telling, too. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:25 PM
P10 - Great voice and setting details. I don’t think you’re starting in the right place. This scene felt too casual, and a lot of focus was on the other character. I suggest writing an active opening focusing more on your MC and hinting at their GMC. Pull back on telling, too. #RevPit #10Queries
Q10 - A Romantasy - Love the representation in this. I suggest shortening quite a bit. It reads like a synopsis in spots. Aim for 300-350 words. Try to more tightly weave the romance and fantasy with personal GMC and stakes. Maybe cut your last comp. It’s too big of a best seller. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Q10 - A Romantasy - Love the representation in this. I suggest shortening quite a bit. It reads like a synopsis in spots. Aim for 300-350 words. Try to more tightly weave the romance and fantasy with personal GMC and stakes. Maybe cut your last comp. It’s too big of a best seller. #RevPit #10Queries
P9 - Amazing action, tension, setting, and world building. This was so vivid. Nice cliffhanger. Consider a different opening section. Dreams are seen a lot, so this isn’t the most original opening. Also, though there was interiority in places, the voice read distant overall. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:23 PM
P9 - Amazing action, tension, setting, and world building. This was so vivid. Nice cliffhanger. Consider a different opening section. Dreams are seen a lot, so this isn’t the most original opening. Also, though there was interiority in places, the voice read distant overall. #RevPit #10Queries
Q9 - A Romantasy - Compelling premise. One of your comps is a mega famous author, so maybe find a different book, since you have a TV show. The blurb reads more like a synopsis. I suggest trimming quite a bit and removing subplots. Aim for 300-350 words total for the query. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Q9 - A Romantasy - Compelling premise. One of your comps is a mega famous author, so maybe find a different book, since you have a TV show. The blurb reads more like a synopsis. I suggest trimming quite a bit and removing subplots. Aim for 300-350 words total for the query. #RevPit #10Queries
P8 - This is a prologue of sorts, and though you had me hooked with the vivid details and tension, I don’t feel you’re starting in the right place. I got dropped too suddenly into the high tension, so I didn’t connect to your MC. I wanted to know them and their status quo first. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:21 PM
P8 - This is a prologue of sorts, and though you had me hooked with the vivid details and tension, I don’t feel you’re starting in the right place. I got dropped too suddenly into the high tension, so I didn’t connect to your MC. I wanted to know them and their status quo first. #RevPit #10Queries
Q8 - YA - This is such an intriguing and fresh premise. I’m unclear on the genre. You don’t clearly specify. Since you’re blending different elements, I can’t pin down the main genre. Try to tighten this to between 300-350 words. you include a lot of details I don’t feel you need. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Q8 - YA - This is such an intriguing and fresh premise. I’m unclear on the genre. You don’t clearly specify. Since you’re blending different elements, I can’t pin down the main genre. Try to tighten this to between 300-350 words. you include a lot of details I don’t feel you need. #RevPit #10Queries
P7 - Very strong opening. Nice cliffhanger, too. Loved your voice and world building. I got nice tension once your MC was with the other character, but before that, I lacked emotion. How does your MC feel about their forthcoming interaction? I struggled to connect for a while. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:19 PM
P7 - Very strong opening. Nice cliffhanger, too. Loved your voice and world building. I got nice tension once your MC was with the other character, but before that, I lacked emotion. How does your MC feel about their forthcoming interaction? I struggled to connect for a while. #RevPit #10Queries
Q7 - NA Romantasy - Perfect metadata paragraph. Pitch is strong. You could make the inciting incident specific. Right now, it’s vague. I suggest cutting the part after your bio. You should let agents decide for themselves, so endorsements/praise can send the wrong vibe. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Q7 - NA Romantasy - Perfect metadata paragraph. Pitch is strong. You could make the inciting incident specific. Right now, it’s vague. I suggest cutting the part after your bio. You should let agents decide for themselves, so endorsements/praise can send the wrong vibe. #RevPit #10Queries
P6 - The pages are strong. Great world building. Captivating voice. Nice tension between the two characters. I wanted more on the personal level, since the tension is very external here. We got a nice glimpse into the inner struggle at the end, so you could enhance this sooner. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:16 PM
P6 - The pages are strong. Great world building. Captivating voice. Nice tension between the two characters. I wanted more on the personal level, since the tension is very external here. We got a nice glimpse into the inner struggle at the end, so you could enhance this sooner. #RevPit #10Queries
Q6 - A SF - Fabulous query. The metadata paragraph is perfect. Compelling pitch, too. I got a nice grasp on your characters, GMC, and stakes. At the end, maybe clarify the personal stakes there, along with the big external ones. Also, I suggest adding a short author bio. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Q6 - A SF - Fabulous query. The metadata paragraph is perfect. Compelling pitch, too. I got a nice grasp on your characters, GMC, and stakes. At the end, maybe clarify the personal stakes there, along with the big external ones. Also, I suggest adding a short author bio. #RevPit #10Queries
P5 - Your writing is enchanting. Very nice job with the sensory details and world. I felt so immersed. My main note is I feel that too many side characters were introduced. I wanted to know more about your MC and get stronger hints for their personal GMC and stakes. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:12 PM
P5 - Your writing is enchanting. Very nice job with the sensory details and world. I felt so immersed. My main note is I feel that too many side characters were introduced. I wanted to know more about your MC and get stronger hints for their personal GMC and stakes. #RevPit #10Queries
Q5 - A SF - Wow, incredible query. Perfect metadata paragraph. Strong blurb. You clearly showed your MC, GMC, world, and stakes. You lost me a bit when you spent time with the LI. That feels like a subplot. Maybe trim and briefly mention them, not by name. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Q5 - A SF - Wow, incredible query. Perfect metadata paragraph. Strong blurb. You clearly showed your MC, GMC, world, and stakes. You lost me a bit when you spent time with the LI. That feels like a subplot. Maybe trim and briefly mention them, not by name. #RevPit #10Queries
P4 - This was such a fun read. Incredible conflict and tension. Fabulous YA voice. Love the vibe. My main note is to establish deeper GMC. Why is your MC personally trying to do what they’re doing? Beyond the general reason, what’s their purpose for being there? What’s at stake? #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:10 PM
P4 - This was such a fun read. Incredible conflict and tension. Fabulous YA voice. Love the vibe. My main note is to establish deeper GMC. Why is your MC personally trying to do what they’re doing? Beyond the general reason, what’s their purpose for being there? What’s at stake? #RevPit #10Queries
Q4 - YA Superhero - You have an intriguing premise here. I suggest tightening your query quite a bit. Aim for between 300-350 words. There are a lot of details, so your main hook/pitch got buried. If you cut details and streamline, this will be great. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Q4 - YA Superhero - You have an intriguing premise here. I suggest tightening your query quite a bit. Aim for between 300-350 words. There are a lot of details, so your main hook/pitch got buried. If you cut details and streamline, this will be great. #RevPit #10Queries
P3 - Your writing is stunning and polished. The historical time period is well established, and you have fabulous setting and dialogue. I suggest staying in each POV longer. I didn’t connect to the characters, since you don’t have much interiority. So, you could deepen voice. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:07 PM
P3 - Your writing is stunning and polished. The historical time period is well established, and you have fabulous setting and dialogue. I suggest staying in each POV longer. I didn’t connect to the characters, since you don’t have much interiority. So, you could deepen voice. #RevPit #10Queries
Q3 - A HF - Such a solid query. I suggest putting the metadata paragraph first. This allows whoever’s reading it to get oriented to the project before the blurb. The pitch showed your characters nicely, but toward the end, the conflict and stakes got vague. Aim for specificity. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Q3 - A HF - Such a solid query. I suggest putting the metadata paragraph first. This allows whoever’s reading it to get oriented to the project before the blurb. The pitch showed your characters nicely, but toward the end, the conflict and stakes got vague. Aim for specificity. #RevPit #10Queries
P2 - Loved this. I was so hooked. Fabulous voice. Stunning sensory details. The magic is so cool. My main thing is you have several moments where interiority/telling/backstory goes on long and stops the action, so try to make the opening especially more present. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:05 PM
P2 - Loved this. I was so hooked. Fabulous voice. Stunning sensory details. The magic is so cool. My main thing is you have several moments where interiority/telling/backstory goes on long and stops the action, so try to make the opening especially more present. #RevPit #10Queries
Q2 - A Romantasy - Pretty solid query. Perfect metadata paragraph. Compelling pitch. I feel you could strengthen the stakes, but you clearly show romance and fantasy. You could cut the mini pitch and just open with metadata, and you don’t need to mention your WIP. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Q2 - A Romantasy - Pretty solid query. Perfect metadata paragraph. Compelling pitch. I feel you could strengthen the stakes, but you clearly show romance and fantasy. You could cut the mini pitch and just open with metadata, and you don’t need to mention your WIP. #RevPit #10Queries
P1 - Again, some really nice intrigue. I think you have too many POV characters, though. Since so many are in here, I don’t have a strong grasp on your characters because the scenes had a lot of telling and could be developed further. The pacing also feels too quick. #RevPit #10Queries
October 24, 2025 at 7:02 PM
P1 - Again, some really nice intrigue. I think you have too many POV characters, though. Since so many are in here, I don’t have a strong grasp on your characters because the scenes had a lot of telling and could be developed further. The pacing also feels too quick. #RevPit #10Queries