"One can recount their steps a thousand times over, repeat again and again what they would seek to redo, and it will never make a single ounce of difference”.

A silence coated in shame over your own behaviors follows. "Mmm…” An irritated hum, almost remorseful.

"The one deserving of nightmares and miseries is not you.”

Leave those loathsome thoughts behind you. Hasn’t he also encouraged this?

"That's because… what he did to me… You will not do.” Not a warning, an awareness.

He speaks to you of his nightmares, and you can only reflect on what you become in the moments where you lose yourself. +

Or perhaps your frenzied perspective is still obscured by the phantom pains of that woman’s blade. Of course it is.

You grit your teeth.

Eyes flash from Dan Heng to the house around you. They fall over Jing Yuan’s belongings, over yours, and you again nearly have to catch your breath. +

What he did to you…

He used you. Took your very mortal naivety and prowess, held it up to the light, and then allowed it to burn.

Even amidst all your grief over 𝒉𝒆𝒓, you should've known. +

This is why you can't turn around.

"Consider yourself fortunate and continue to walk.”

Sometimes, it still haunts you in dreams, that past you wish to push away, despite carrying inside you a soul that still yearns for that which it lost.

A piece of you clings to it, grasping tightly so that it's not lost. +

You, who so often remains quiet, have gained the ability to nearly forget what your own gentle voice once sounded like.

Or so you’d led yourself to believe.

"We don't.” You lie. +

Perhaps he isn't really there, and this too is your hallucination. What a joke your mind has become.

Why do you wish him to remain here? As always you clutch on to those you once loved, even when they're long gone.

"…You stay despite the distress I placed on your shoulders countless times.”

Your mind seeks to recall exact details, but they're lost in a messy gray area where your own kindness loses itself to an affliction you never wanted. +

You had expected him to take the first easy out, but he remains, you could swear you even see concern forming in his eyes.

`I can stay if you want me to’. You had momentarily wondered if you’d heard him incorrectly through your pulsing headache. +

Towards Dan Heng feel no ire, and this is a fact that leaves you at a loss.

You're only left to wonder one solitary thing, and it’s asked in a voice as hushed as if you were speaking to yourself.

"Why are you not infuriated with me?” +

Turning your head towards him at the sound of the noise.

"…If you wish to go, I trust you recall the way out.”

He probably wants to leave, you guess, but you — you are only trying to move on in your own way. Familiarizing yourself with him, finding good in the present to release the past.

You gather yourself, shaking off the eerie feeling, and giving him grace. +

Somehow, within that notion there is also a certain sadness.

For the moment you remain paused as you are, palm against forehead. Until those creeping twinges of darkness let you be.

His voice cuts them.

"I’m fine”. Voice raspier than intended. "You don’t need to leave”. +

To call it strange would be accurate enough. It is one of the reasons for your bitterness, but that is an emotion you’re learning to rein in.

For that is bitterness tied to a person who no longer exists. You of all people should understand the severing of ties to one’s past self. +