and it sucks bc i see him showing his own version of friendship to feminine ppl or ppl he’s attracted to or ppl he doesnt feel are lesser than him and even if its not real i wish the kindness could be faked so i could at least pretend that i could for a single second see a reason to be near him.

mind you i should have given up long ago so this isnt some big hooray but i genuinely do not have the energy and now hes trying to help more and make a planter for me and do more chores and try to hang out with me this whole weekend which i know the moment i give in itll go back to how it was,