the vicious beast has been besieged with a great many plagues

Nottingham, because a mythical creature known as James Workshop lives there

me going to the bathroom at work (i won't be seen again for 3 hours)

world domination

please kick him off a cliff

Voxer = Perturabo???

basically you want a brush that is NOT WET. and it should be stump on the end, so you can DIY one by just cutting off a brush you dont need anymore

drybrush lightly (with a rust-ish colour) on certain parts that you want to look weathered, but the amount you want to do on one spot is up to you, then take a sharp brush and add scratches/scars on them