That's like three years' salary for Elon.

And they say he's not pro-choice...

He was talking about how inadequate he felt standing there, as a draft dodger and a person who had denigrated those who did choose to serve their country.
Ha ha ha. Not really. He was babbling about renaming the day for which he has no understanding or appreciation.

You make your stand by ridding yourself of an ethnic slur for a team name, then go ahead and bow down to a former game-show host/pedophile?

Howie Mandel's agent breathes a sigh of relief.

Or: How I got my first speeding ticket when I was sixteen.

Did I see TV Funny man Norman Fell (God Rest His Soul) three from the right?

Um, would now be an awkward time to point out that Stevie B has already done some time in the pen?

Trumpf.

Subway could do a lot worse for a new spokesperson - I'm looking at you, Jared...

"I pooped."

We won't have to worry about her Messing up Manhattan anymore.

On the plus side, he can probably find his way back to the Oval Office now...

Well, if it had been an actual disaster, Ted would have been in Cancun.

On the back of all his shoes is TGIF - "Toes go in first."