It must be stressful to go undercover in an animal testing lab because people would ALWAYS be saying 'I smell a rat' #ToughJobs

Who wants to hear me be a big famous guy being famous on the fame box

podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/t...

By which I mean is a very funny show - and I’m on it!!! AndyRichter @TVsAndyDaly #thethreequestions

The most implausible thing about “You’ve Got Mail” is that he was a prick to people in real life, but then a lovely gentleman anonymously online! #GetItRight #YouveGotMail #TopicalHumor #TomHanks

Re-sky or whatever if you see this and have also never gotten any engagement at all since dumping X to come here! #DoHashtagsWorkHere

The three best bells of the year were definitely:

1 Italian Campana
2 Zhong
3 Burmuda Carriage Bell

And all you assholes with “Agogô’s” in your top three DONT KNOW WHAT the f YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

#mad #topthreebells #bye2021 #bells #divisive

If you’re sick you’re “sick”, so how come when you’re not sick you’re not “sickless”!!! I don’t know who is to blame, but you bet your a$s big pharma is involved! #ImeanIfYouHaveNoAssYouAreASSLESS! #Right?

I think it has now been over six years since a “tear here” tab has actually granted me access to the stuffs inside a packet #sad

Spotify Wrapped is fascinating and all - but when are we going to see everyone’s most googled things this year? 🤘

The real question is: if you NEVER put your clothes in a dryer, where does the stuff that would have turned into fluff go instead??!!
.
(Best answer wins one of my weird recent fairy floss sharts)
#dryerfluff

There’s no use crying over spilled milk, that’s why if I feel weepy I spill my milk on the ceiling! #zing

Billion Dollar Idea: Are you ever doing the dishes and are sad about all the sauce and other delicious flavor morsels getting washed off the plates? Get Sponge Yummy - the edible Sponge - fills with flavors while you wash - then munch it down for the BEST after dinner snack!

Sitcom Idea: It’s the Office - but set in the work from home era - which means nothing EVER happens - which means I’ve already made the whole thing! Woo hoo! Go me!… Fuck, I just found out we didn’t get picked up for season 9, and we ended season 8 on a cliffhanger!! Nooooooo.

Ants with gummy bears - which one is most enticing!