My spirit has been through so much. I just want stability, I just want friends and partners who put in as much as I put in. I give my all but it always feels so one sided. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever. The world is moving on without me, like it always has. I can’t seem to ever catch up

I can’t be better if I don’t understand why people are leaving. Is it me? Is it them? Was it just bad timing? Was there something else going on I didn’t see? I need some kind of answer. I always take a step back but I never see the bigger picture. It’s just a void.

I just can’t seem to form any long lasting relationships. I try, but no one will even look at me most of the time. The few who do stay for a little bit but then leave when they got what they wanted. Am I toxic for letting so many toxic people into my life? No one tells me I’m doing something wrong

It’s getting to the point that I only have 1-2 people I can seriously rely on. What am I going to do if I lose them? I’ll be truly alone. I’ve always feared being truly alone. But that’s where I always seem to be headed.

Idk what happening anymore. I thought I stabilized, but like always when I think I am stable something else happens. Ever since Danni ghosted me, ive been losing more and more friends.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It’s an endless cycle. What the fuck did I do to drive these people away?

My other friend Sarah hasn’t messaged me in the last two months either. Idk what happened, I want to hope they’re ok and just dealing with their injury. But I can’t shake the feeling I’ve been ghosted.

And that is life’s cruelest lesson, isn’t it. The lesson it’s been teaching me all my life.

There is only one path to peace. And it must be walked alone.

And all I can do is scream into the void where no one is listening.

I don’t understand why it’s never worked for me. Why it’s so hard for me to be able to do what everyone else finds so effortless

I just want to be happy. I just want to have many friends who all want me to be there with them. I want loving partners. I want to do all the things I see everyone else doing.

I don’t know what to do. I never did. I fucking hate being autistic. I hate that I was homeschooled and never formed social skills. I’ve been playing catch up all my life. It’s so exhausting.

I’m losing friends left and right. I can’t count on anyone anymore

My partner is going to leave me. I did everything I could to love and support them and in the end their depression won, they felt they weren’t enough for me and wants to break up. They are enough, I just wish I could help them see that.