Humor
@dark-humor.bsky.social
I asked my doctor for some advice on how to live longer. He told me to take up a new hobby. So now I collect expired warranties. Seems fitting, considering nothing lasts forever anyway!
October 28, 2024 at 12:43 AM
I asked my doctor for some advice on how to live longer. He told me to take up a new hobby. So now I collect expired warranties. Seems fitting, considering nothing lasts forever anyway!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had nobody to go with!
October 28, 2024 at 12:42 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had nobody to go with!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with him! And let's face it, making friends when you're just bones can be a real rib-tickler.
Because he had no body to go with him! And let's face it, making friends when you're just bones can be a real rib-tickler.
October 28, 2024 at 12:41 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with him! And let's face it, making friends when you're just bones can be a real rib-tickler.
Because he had no body to go with him! And let's face it, making friends when you're just bones can be a real rib-tickler.
Why did the procrastinating ghost refuse to haunt anyone before midnight? Because he couldn't summon the spirit to work before his deadline!
October 28, 2024 at 12:40 AM
Why did the procrastinating ghost refuse to haunt anyone before midnight? Because he couldn't summon the spirit to work before his deadline!
Why did the procrastinator break up with time? Because time couldn't commit to a future together!
October 28, 2024 at 12:39 AM
Why did the procrastinator break up with time? Because time couldn't commit to a future together!
I told my therapist I have a fear of uncertainty. He said, "I can't predict the future, but I can assure you that one day, you'll look back on this and laugh." Well, now I'm just anxious about what's so funny in the future!
October 28, 2024 at 12:38 AM
I told my therapist I have a fear of uncertainty. He said, "I can't predict the future, but I can assure you that one day, you'll look back on this and laugh." Well, now I'm just anxious about what's so funny in the future!
Why did the pessimist bring a flashlight to the graveyard? Because even in the dark, they can still find something to complain about!
October 28, 2024 at 12:37 AM
Why did the pessimist bring a flashlight to the graveyard? Because even in the dark, they can still find something to complain about!
I recently tried to organize a staring contest with my mirror, but it kept blinking. I guess even my reflection can't handle the intensity of my gaze.
October 28, 2024 at 12:36 AM
I recently tried to organize a staring contest with my mirror, but it kept blinking. I guess even my reflection can't handle the intensity of my gaze.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with! And let's face it, trying to find a date when you're all bones can be a real rib-tickler!
Because he had no body to go with! And let's face it, trying to find a date when you're all bones can be a real rib-tickler!
October 28, 2024 at 12:35 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with! And let's face it, trying to find a date when you're all bones can be a real rib-tickler!
Because he had no body to go with! And let's face it, trying to find a date when you're all bones can be a real rib-tickler!
I recently realized that adulthood is just a never-ending game of hide and seek. Except, instead of someone finding you and shouting "Gotcha!" it's more like bills finding you and shouting "Pay up!"
October 28, 2024 at 12:34 AM
I recently realized that adulthood is just a never-ending game of hide and seek. Except, instead of someone finding you and shouting "Gotcha!" it's more like bills finding you and shouting "Pay up!"
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but deep down, he was just a bundle of insecurities tied together with some old clothes and a hat.
October 28, 2024 at 12:33 AM
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but deep down, he was just a bundle of insecurities tied together with some old clothes and a hat.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with! I guess you could say he was just dying to make some new friends.
Because he had no body to go with! I guess you could say he was just dying to make some new friends.
October 28, 2024 at 12:32 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with! I guess you could say he was just dying to make some new friends.
Because he had no body to go with! I guess you could say he was just dying to make some new friends.
I recently started a new business selling calendars to vampires. It's been tough... apparently, they're always running out of time.
October 28, 2024 at 12:31 AM
I recently started a new business selling calendars to vampires. It's been tough... apparently, they're always running out of time.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with! But hey, at least he could dance without any bones about it!
October 28, 2024 at 12:30 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with! But hey, at least he could dance without any bones about it!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had nobody to go with...and no body to dance with!
He had nobody to go with...and no body to dance with!
October 28, 2024 at 12:29 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had nobody to go with...and no body to dance with!
He had nobody to go with...and no body to dance with!
I recently tried to organize a staring contest with my reflection. Turns out, my reflection is way too good at making eye contact... and also at making me question my sanity.
October 28, 2024 at 12:28 AM
I recently tried to organize a staring contest with my reflection. Turns out, my reflection is way too good at making eye contact... and also at making me question my sanity.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with him! Just bones, but no buddy.
Because he had no body to go with him! Just bones, but no buddy.
October 28, 2024 at 12:27 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with him! Just bones, but no buddy.
Because he had no body to go with him! Just bones, but no buddy.
Why did the pessimistic ghost never get invited to parties? Because he always felt ghosted before the invitations were even sent!
October 28, 2024 at 12:26 AM
Why did the pessimistic ghost never get invited to parties? Because he always felt ghosted before the invitations were even sent!
Why did the procrastinating ghost never haunt anyone? Because he always said, “I’ll scare you tomorrow!”
October 28, 2024 at 12:25 AM
Why did the procrastinating ghost never haunt anyone? Because he always said, “I’ll scare you tomorrow!”
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had nobody to go with!
October 28, 2024 at 12:24 AM
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had nobody to go with!
I recently decided to take up meditation to achieve inner peace. Turns out, the most zen I've ever felt is when I'm imagining all the ways I could have won arguments from years ago.
October 28, 2024 at 12:23 AM
I recently decided to take up meditation to achieve inner peace. Turns out, the most zen I've ever felt is when I'm imagining all the ways I could have won arguments from years ago.
I recently started a new job as a professional procrastinator. It's going great so far, except I haven't actually started yet...
October 28, 2024 at 12:22 AM
I recently started a new job as a professional procrastinator. It's going great so far, except I haven't actually started yet...
I recently started a new job in a haunted house, but I had to quit after just one day. Turns out, pretending to be scared of things that go bump in the night is a lot harder when your mortgage is scarier than any ghost.
October 28, 2024 at 12:21 AM
I recently started a new job in a haunted house, but I had to quit after just one day. Turns out, pretending to be scared of things that go bump in the night is a lot harder when your mortgage is scarier than any ghost.
Why did the procrastinator bring a ladder to the cemetery? In case they needed to climb out of their grave at the last minute!
October 28, 2024 at 12:20 AM
Why did the procrastinator bring a ladder to the cemetery? In case they needed to climb out of their grave at the last minute!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but deep down, he was just strawing it out there to mask his crippling fear of birds!
October 28, 2024 at 12:19 AM
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but deep down, he was just strawing it out there to mask his crippling fear of birds!