Dame Dan Vetrano
@danvetrano.bsky.social
Recently purchased Bluesky 💸 changes coming soon!!! My job interview comedy show is called Get Work
Someone just called me an "ass toot person." How did they know I'm always farting? Very sharp observation...
August 19, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Someone just called me an "ass toot person." How did they know I'm always farting? Very sharp observation...
Had a guy on Grindr tell me he's not "remotely" interested. Yeah buddy, I'm not looking for anything remote either, only in-person positions.
August 18, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Had a guy on Grindr tell me he's not "remotely" interested. Yeah buddy, I'm not looking for anything remote either, only in-person positions.
How it feels when someone reposts a thread on this app
July 13, 2025 at 2:01 AM
How it feels when someone reposts a thread on this app
Everyone seat is in the nosebleed section when you're doing c*ke in the bathroom
May 7, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Everyone seat is in the nosebleed section when you're doing c*ke in the bathroom
AI is getting better...
April 2, 2025 at 5:00 PM
AI is getting better...
NYC: Come to my shows and we'll be friends for life. That's the Dan Vetrano guarantee.
March 26, 2025 at 10:07 PM
NYC: Come to my shows and we'll be friends for life. That's the Dan Vetrano guarantee.
Someone once told me I play "hard to get," which sounds innocent, except it was a booker and he was talking about my comedy.
March 22, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Someone once told me I play "hard to get," which sounds innocent, except it was a booker and he was talking about my comedy.
I love these little containers that fit in the car's cup holder. I've lost too many friends to driving while distracted by Oreos.
March 12, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I love these little containers that fit in the car's cup holder. I've lost too many friends to driving while distracted by Oreos.
This company has been around for a full decade
January 24, 2025 at 3:59 AM
This company has been around for a full decade
My favorite cliche in country music is when they list a bunch of "fancy" things they don't need and give alternatives.
It's like, wow, who knew drinking Jack Daniels to a Patsy Cline record was a replacement for a Michelin restaurant?
It's like, wow, who knew drinking Jack Daniels to a Patsy Cline record was a replacement for a Michelin restaurant?
January 24, 2025 at 2:38 AM
My favorite cliche in country music is when they list a bunch of "fancy" things they don't need and give alternatives.
It's like, wow, who knew drinking Jack Daniels to a Patsy Cline record was a replacement for a Michelin restaurant?
It's like, wow, who knew drinking Jack Daniels to a Patsy Cline record was a replacement for a Michelin restaurant?
Since "panera" in English is "breadbasket," an edible soup bowl from Panera Bread is actually a "Bread Bowl from Breadbasket Bread"
January 23, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Since "panera" in English is "breadbasket," an edible soup bowl from Panera Bread is actually a "Bread Bowl from Breadbasket Bread"
There is literally only ONE message a person can send me on Grindr that will send chills down my spine:
"Hi Dan"
"Hi Dan"
January 14, 2025 at 3:38 AM
There is literally only ONE message a person can send me on Grindr that will send chills down my spine:
"Hi Dan"
"Hi Dan"
Right now in NYC it's Brutalist cold outside (so cold that you stay inside an AMC theater for 3.5 hours)
January 10, 2025 at 5:02 AM
Right now in NYC it's Brutalist cold outside (so cold that you stay inside an AMC theater for 3.5 hours)
Now that we're all on this app, let's have the discussion we apparently weren't allowed to have on the OTHER app (bc Free Speech is regulated by lunatic billionaires):
What else do you like to do in the bidet (after cleaning butthole, of course)?
What else do you like to do in the bidet (after cleaning butthole, of course)?
December 3, 2024 at 1:37 AM
Now that we're all on this app, let's have the discussion we apparently weren't allowed to have on the OTHER app (bc Free Speech is regulated by lunatic billionaires):
What else do you like to do in the bidet (after cleaning butthole, of course)?
What else do you like to do in the bidet (after cleaning butthole, of course)?
Reposted by Dame Dan Vetrano
A friend of mine keeps using A.I. to plan every single party, get together, etc.
I'm considering going to the next one just to see if he's grown an 11th finger.
I'm considering going to the next one just to see if he's grown an 11th finger.
November 29, 2024 at 11:55 PM
A friend of mine keeps using A.I. to plan every single party, get together, etc.
I'm considering going to the next one just to see if he's grown an 11th finger.
I'm considering going to the next one just to see if he's grown an 11th finger.
Reposted by Dame Dan Vetrano
like I understand where you're coming from here but they very much did cancel jesus.
November 29, 2024 at 12:43 PM
like I understand where you're coming from here but they very much did cancel jesus.
Small-talking w/ someone from a state I don't know anything about:
"Ahh yes, Maryland. I've never been myself, but I listen to a few musicians/songwriters from there. Have you heard of Francis Scott Key?"
"Ahh yes, Maryland. I've never been myself, but I listen to a few musicians/songwriters from there. Have you heard of Francis Scott Key?"
November 29, 2024 at 11:32 PM
Small-talking w/ someone from a state I don't know anything about:
"Ahh yes, Maryland. I've never been myself, but I listen to a few musicians/songwriters from there. Have you heard of Francis Scott Key?"
"Ahh yes, Maryland. I've never been myself, but I listen to a few musicians/songwriters from there. Have you heard of Francis Scott Key?"
Reposted by Dame Dan Vetrano
the whole outfit kinda rips
November 29, 2024 at 10:32 PM
the whole outfit kinda rips
The three types of trains:
-Double-decker
-Single-decker (also known as 'Original Flavor' trains)
-Upper-Decker (avoid these)
-Deck-cela (new Acela train with over 100+ decks)
-Double-decker
-Single-decker (also known as 'Original Flavor' trains)
-Upper-Decker (avoid these)
-Deck-cela (new Acela train with over 100+ decks)
November 28, 2024 at 7:16 PM
The three types of trains:
-Double-decker
-Single-decker (also known as 'Original Flavor' trains)
-Upper-Decker (avoid these)
-Deck-cela (new Acela train with over 100+ decks)
-Double-decker
-Single-decker (also known as 'Original Flavor' trains)
-Upper-Decker (avoid these)
-Deck-cela (new Acela train with over 100+ decks)
Let's start at the Times Square Portuguese Sardine Bar inside the Olive Garden and see where the night takes us...
November 28, 2024 at 10:06 AM
Let's start at the Times Square Portuguese Sardine Bar inside the Olive Garden and see where the night takes us...
Reposted by Dame Dan Vetrano
after i get home from work and ask my tesla robot if it wants to fuck
November 27, 2024 at 1:06 AM
after i get home from work and ask my tesla robot if it wants to fuck
The true story of a man who ran into a big croissant
November 26, 2024 at 5:35 AM
The true story of a man who ran into a big croissant
Not sure I liked RED ONE, but it is a decent premise. It should be REDONE
November 22, 2024 at 3:19 AM
Not sure I liked RED ONE, but it is a decent premise. It should be REDONE
I got $40 on Webb
November 22, 2024 at 3:05 AM
I got $40 on Webb