DadJokeNL
@dadjokenl.bsky.social
I’m a Dutch dad and love jokes, from benign to dark ones (humor cannot be censored). Just here to bring some laughter into the world. Happy to share your jokes as well!
I asked my wife if I could come in her ear.
She said “No, I’ll go deaf.”
I said, “No, cause I come in your mouth all the time, but you won’t shut the fuck up.”
She said “No, I’ll go deaf.”
I said, “No, cause I come in your mouth all the time, but you won’t shut the fuck up.”
a woman in a pink shirt is asking if she 's gone deaf
ALT: a woman in a pink shirt is asking if she 's gone deaf
media.tenor.com
January 24, 2026 at 5:39 PM
I asked my wife if I could come in her ear.
She said “No, I’ll go deaf.”
I said, “No, cause I come in your mouth all the time, but you won’t shut the fuck up.”
She said “No, I’ll go deaf.”
I said, “No, cause I come in your mouth all the time, but you won’t shut the fuck up.”
What’s the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
A calendar has dates.
a man is sitting on a couch with the words emotional damage written on the screen
ALT: a man is sitting on a couch with the words emotional damage written on the screen
media.tenor.com
January 23, 2026 at 11:59 AM
What’s the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
A calendar has dates.
How is buying a prostitute and a footlong sandwich the same?
Both could have been avoided if your wife was doing her job.
Both could have been avoided if your wife was doing her job.
a woman is sitting on a couch and saying really .
ALT: a woman is sitting on a couch and saying really .
media.tenor.com
January 22, 2026 at 10:00 AM
How is buying a prostitute and a footlong sandwich the same?
Both could have been avoided if your wife was doing her job.
Both could have been avoided if your wife was doing her job.
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
a man in a suit stands in front of a skeleton statue and says that was dark was it not
ALT: a man in a suit stands in front of a skeleton statue and says that was dark was it not
media.tenor.com
January 20, 2026 at 7:43 PM
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What does a vagina and the mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
a man in a black shirt is making a funny face with his tongue sticking out
ALT: a man in a black shirt is making a funny face with his tongue sticking out
media.tenor.com
January 18, 2026 at 10:10 AM
What does a vagina and the mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
What do Spiderman and my teenage son have in common?
They both get sticky fingers after using the web.
They both get sticky fingers after using the web.
a man in a spiderman costume is sitting at a desk using a computer
ALT: a man in a spiderman costume is sitting at a desk using a computer
media.tenor.com
January 17, 2026 at 5:01 PM
What do Spiderman and my teenage son have in common?
They both get sticky fingers after using the web.
They both get sticky fingers after using the web.
What starts with a “v” and helps girls get whatever they want?
.
.
.
.
.
.
It’s her voice
.
.
.
.
.
.
It’s her voice
a cartoon character says you tricked me in front of a chicken
ALT: a cartoon character says you tricked me in front of a chicken
media.tenor.com
January 16, 2026 at 7:22 PM
What starts with a “v” and helps girls get whatever they want?
.
.
.
.
.
.
It’s her voice
.
.
.
.
.
.
It’s her voice
Two blondes walking through the woods and come across some tracks. The first blonde went “Hey, deer tracks!” The second blonde went “No, they’re wolf tracks.” The first blonde “No, my dad taught me about deer tracks…that’s deer tracks.” They kept arguing for 20 mins and they both got hit by a train.
a close up of a yellow haired anime character 's face
ALT: a close up of a yellow haired anime character 's face
media.tenor.com
January 14, 2026 at 10:53 PM
Two blondes walking through the woods and come across some tracks. The first blonde went “Hey, deer tracks!” The second blonde went “No, they’re wolf tracks.” The first blonde “No, my dad taught me about deer tracks…that’s deer tracks.” They kept arguing for 20 mins and they both got hit by a train.
What did the carpenter say when he finished his house?
Nailed it!
Nailed it!
a man wearing glasses and an apron is standing in front of a band saw in a workshop .
ALT: a man wearing glasses and an apron is standing in front of a band saw in a workshop .
media.tenor.com
January 12, 2026 at 11:23 PM
What did the carpenter say when he finished his house?
Nailed it!
Nailed it!
How did the whoopee cushion die?
He had a fart attack.
He had a fart attack.
a close up of a man covering his face with his hands
ALT: a close up of a man covering his face with his hands
media.tenor.com
January 11, 2026 at 9:12 PM
How did the whoopee cushion die?
He had a fart attack.
He had a fart attack.
How did the blonde break her legs while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
She fell out of the tree.
a collage of trees with the words golabs clips above them
ALT: a collage of trees with the words golabs clips above them
media.tenor.com
January 10, 2026 at 12:53 PM
How did the blonde break her legs while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
She fell out of the tree.
What do you call it when you lose 25% of your roof?
OOF!
OOF!
a man is standing in front of a bookshelf and says " you know , there 's a big hole in the roof "
ALT: a man is standing in front of a bookshelf and says " you know , there 's a big hole in the roof "
media.tenor.com
January 9, 2026 at 9:37 AM
What do you call it when you lose 25% of your roof?
OOF!
OOF!
There’s a nun having a bath and she hears a knock on the door. She’s a bit worried, so she shouts “Who is it?” and he says “It’s the blind man.” So she says “well, come in”. The man comes in and says “Nice tits, were do want the blinds?”
a woman is taking a bath in a tub filled with bubbles .
ALT: a woman is taking a bath in a tub filled with bubbles .
media.tenor.com
January 7, 2026 at 9:39 AM
There’s a nun having a bath and she hears a knock on the door. She’s a bit worried, so she shouts “Who is it?” and he says “It’s the blind man.” So she says “well, come in”. The man comes in and says “Nice tits, were do want the blinds?”
What’s the hardest job in the world?
A police sketch artist in China.
A police sketch artist in China.
gumball and darwin from the amazing world of gumball sitting next to each other
ALT: gumball and darwin from the amazing world of gumball sitting next to each other
media.tenor.com
January 6, 2026 at 5:53 PM
What’s the hardest job in the world?
A police sketch artist in China.
A police sketch artist in China.
You actually don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
But you do need it if you want to go twice.
But you do need it if you want to go twice.
a cartoon man is standing in a field looking at birds .
ALT: a cartoon man is standing in a field looking at birds .
media.tenor.com
January 5, 2026 at 7:04 PM
You actually don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
But you do need it if you want to go twice.
But you do need it if you want to go twice.
What Asian stereotypes do you hear the most?
Personally, I have a Yamaha surround system.
Personally, I have a Yamaha surround system.
a man wearing sunglasses and headphones is working on a device with the letters tb on the bottom
ALT: a man wearing sunglasses and headphones is working on a device with the letters tb on the bottom
media.tenor.com
January 4, 2026 at 9:11 AM
What Asian stereotypes do you hear the most?
Personally, I have a Yamaha surround system.
Personally, I have a Yamaha surround system.
I went and saw my doctor the other day and he told me I had to stop masturbating.
I asked him why and he said “because I’m trying to examine you.”
I asked him why and he said “because I’m trying to examine you.”
a man in a suit is covering his face with his hand and making a funny face .
ALT: a man in a suit is covering his face with his hand and making a funny face .
media.tenor.com
January 2, 2026 at 6:45 PM
I went and saw my doctor the other day and he told me I had to stop masturbating.
I asked him why and he said “because I’m trying to examine you.”
I asked him why and he said “because I’m trying to examine you.”
New Year’s resolution: To stop procrastinating…starting tomorrow.
two men in a car with one saying " i don 't procrastinate "
ALT: two men in a car with one saying " i don 't procrastinate "
media.tenor.com
January 1, 2026 at 12:48 PM
New Year’s resolution: To stop procrastinating…starting tomorrow.
This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
the joker is standing on a set of stairs with his arms outstretched and the words me after the trade below him .
ALT: the joker is standing on a set of stairs with his arms outstretched and the words me after the trade below him .
media.tenor.com
December 31, 2025 at 8:13 AM
This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
Waiting for the punchline.
Waiting for the punchline.
a man in a suit is pouring something into a silver bowl
ALT: a man in a suit is pouring something into a silver bowl
media.tenor.com
December 30, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
Waiting for the punchline.
Waiting for the punchline.
Why do astronomers put meat in their shower?
So they have a meatier shower.
So they have a meatier shower.
a lot of fire is falling from the sky .
ALT: a lot of fire is falling from the sky .
media.tenor.com
December 29, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Why do astronomers put meat in their shower?
So they have a meatier shower.
So they have a meatier shower.
Why is it so hard to argue with a woman that’s not wearing a bra?
She already made two really good points.
She already made two really good points.
a woman in a white tank top and pink shorts stands in front of a door
ALT: a woman in a white tank top and pink shorts stands in front of a door
media.tenor.com
December 27, 2025 at 9:24 AM
Why is it so hard to argue with a woman that’s not wearing a bra?
She already made two really good points.
She already made two really good points.
My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my granddad.
Until my mother took his ashes away.
Until my mother took his ashes away.
two stuffed animals playing in the sand on a beach
ALT: two stuffed animals playing in the sand on a beach
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 1:33 PM
My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my granddad.
Until my mother took his ashes away.
Until my mother took his ashes away.
How is Christmas like a day at the office?
You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
a man in a green elf costume is laughing and wrapping gifts .
ALT: a man in a green elf costume is laughing and wrapping gifts .
media.tenor.com
December 24, 2025 at 10:52 AM
How is Christmas like a day at the office?
You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
He knows better than to try the back door.
He knows better than to try the back door.
a picture of santa claus with a christmas tree in the background has justa4tiffan written on the bottom
ALT: a picture of santa claus with a christmas tree in the background has justa4tiffan written on the bottom
media.tenor.com
December 23, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Why does Santa always come through the chimney?
He knows better than to try the back door.
He knows better than to try the back door.