i feel like she genuinely hates my guts and only tolerates me because we share friend circles

waiting for the day i feel like i can finally breathe again

boyfriend got a smartwatch and asked me to wear it to track my bpm and sleep just for like fun i guess

i spend a lot of time in deep sleep when i am asleep and i noticed my heart rate jumps between 90-110 when resting but i alr knew it was p high

i wanna practice drawing nude more bcs it feels like anytime im drawing a character not in a huge baggy outfit it rly shows how much idk how to render bodies

i hate alcohol so fucking much

im dying w laughter i hugged my boyfriend while he was sat at his desk and he had a wireless earbud in but it lost connection to the receiver and he looked at me and said “you have enough boob density to block a 2.4hz connection” or something i forgot exactly bcs i was laughing so hard

idk theres just no way this is the same brain i had in high school or even uni it feels like something is wrong

i have regular freak outs that i have a tumour but i dont want to waste anyone’s time but i dont know why else my abilities are declining so fast for my age

i hate not knowing if im actually just stupid, i have brain damage from getting COVID with a compromised immune system or something altogether

it feels like im on a constant cognitive decline

i kinda want to bleed out in the snow

repeat lyrics in my head lately aaaa

chiitan being aware that im fucked up beyond repair feels awful lmao

📌

warning for mentions of svicide, sh, & other disordered behaviours. venting helps me get through difficult times + that’s the purpose of this account.

other rambles ab nsfw topics might also happen + rants ab other stuff too.

sorry i’m like this. take care of urself