Giving one thing up for another is
inherently foregoing any potential
gains you could be getting

But starting something else open
up the possibility of what new things
there are to be gained in the resulting exchange

Once I sufficiently marked enough
influence where I wanted it to be
I finally felt satisfied that I had gotten what I was aiming for

So I no longer continue what I do
at the same capacity as I did before

Now
I transitioned to where there's
no inner and external conflict
and found safety and love

For me, I was deciding to be a
fan who contributes something
because I know how much worth
I have to give

I knew where I wanted to offer
that worth was ripped from me

it being out of my control made
me want to take back my own
agency and keep giving what
I have to offer out of spite

I wanted to feel a place
of belonging effortlessly

That it wasn't by putting myself
through agony everyday, both
physically and mentally taxing

I had strong faith and belief in
what I was doing at the time in
order to meet my end goals

which I've now met and have
led me to moving forward more

It was hard to leave at first
because I felt like I still had
a right to belong somewhere
that I was wrongfully being
gatekept from

So I tried my hardest efforts
to still force myself to be there

Where as now I transitioned
to a new space that doesn't
require force to persist when
I can just exist

They gave me a new nose, new eyes, new hairline so that my face would fit a certain standard of beauty

and on top of that some guy
asked me a really gross question about my body and now I don't feel the same about myself and it feels I've been taken away from myself

and it hurts so badly

My body feels gross and
I don't want to look at myself

Recently a cosplayer took a photo of me and posted on their social media a photoshopped version of my face before I even knew they were going to do that

and I'm not talking about
brightening and saturation

It's not helping that we have been
finding each other's things in each
other's drawers but we have not
been the ones putting them there

Putting away other people's things
is not helping if you're putting them
in the wrong place and they go
missing, or worse...

You stick your hand in a knife jar

Knives do not go blade side
pointing up in a utensils jar

Nor was that my knife
and neither was it hers

So tell me why did she put
away someone else's knife
and not even into a drawer

Random utensils have been
found in the wrong person's
drawers and there's a culprit

Please don't touch our stuff

Mindfulness needs to be taught
more often because what do you
mean she's 21 and can't pick up
her own trash, wash her dishes
before they stack up in the sink
all day, and runs the laundry in
the middle of night

Every day is a new surprise with
her like when she puts away the
utensils incorrectly

That's my huge gripe here

Telling someone to do something
doesn't actually get them to do it

You need to show them and
teach someone how to do it
for themselves so they can
recognize it on their own

They're basically a kid whose
never been taught how to be
mindful or conscious and that
bothers me

My roommate then responds
"oh well we're all being told
to be quiet, so let's be quiet"

And I said
"that's not gonna work"

you need to identify what is the
loud noise and to directly let them
know that they need to avoid these
disruptive noises or else they're
not gonna realize it on their own

I'm only going to be helpful and
cooperative if you respect me

You reap what you sow
You receive what you put in

I feel better knowing I've made
the conscious decision to not
extend myself for someone else
who isn't willing to do the same

Something she's been looking for
has gone missing and I happen to
find it had gotten mixed into my things

Well because she puts my things
away in the wrong places and
causes my stuff to go missing

I really don't see the need to tell her
where her stuff has gone missing

I've become petty over the matter
that when she asks for help or
needs to borrow something

I will conveniently not respond
even if I happen to have the
thing she needs to borrow

I would've helped you out more
if you respected everyone else