crumpledozarkian
@crumpledozarkian.bsky.social
stop being urself
Francis Ford Coppola announces a prequel to his legendary series focusing on Michael’s angsty pre-mafia teen years: “God, Father!”
June 29, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Francis Ford Coppola announces a prequel to his legendary series focusing on Michael’s angsty pre-mafia teen years: “God, Father!”
if you say “how are ya” and I say “doin good, u” don’t ever 1up me with a grammar ass “doing well.” you always match me on “doin good” (or lesser if stuff actually sucks)
May 13, 2025 at 8:44 PM
if you say “how are ya” and I say “doin good, u” don’t ever 1up me with a grammar ass “doing well.” you always match me on “doin good” (or lesser if stuff actually sucks)
i'd argue that the boomers imported millions of cheap plastic trophies and forced us into the participation award ceremonies against our will in the 90's, so quit hazing us over it and hold urselves accountable you fkn dorks
May 1, 2025 at 12:09 AM
i'd argue that the boomers imported millions of cheap plastic trophies and forced us into the participation award ceremonies against our will in the 90's, so quit hazing us over it and hold urselves accountable you fkn dorks
the other day I saw a young man stuck on the side of the road so I pulled over. he says “hey Mr. I’m having trouble, can you help me train the models for my LLM?”
I just smirked and looked at his girl in the passenger seat and said “time to move on, hun” what happened to Real men these days
I just smirked and looked at his girl in the passenger seat and said “time to move on, hun” what happened to Real men these days
January 30, 2025 at 3:52 AM
the other day I saw a young man stuck on the side of the road so I pulled over. he says “hey Mr. I’m having trouble, can you help me train the models for my LLM?”
I just smirked and looked at his girl in the passenger seat and said “time to move on, hun” what happened to Real men these days
I just smirked and looked at his girl in the passenger seat and said “time to move on, hun” what happened to Real men these days
while ur goal is being at "Knott's Berry Farm" my goal is being "Not Buried, Fam." ur deeply unserious and it's embarrassingly apparent
January 28, 2025 at 9:09 PM
while ur goal is being at "Knott's Berry Farm" my goal is being "Not Buried, Fam." ur deeply unserious and it's embarrassingly apparent
if you pull up to scoop me and I open the passenger door and don’t hear rock and roll blaring, no fresh cig to hand me? yeah I’m slamming that door back and kickin your tailpipe until you punch the gas. take your favor to some charity case
January 26, 2025 at 6:48 PM
if you pull up to scoop me and I open the passenger door and don’t hear rock and roll blaring, no fresh cig to hand me? yeah I’m slamming that door back and kickin your tailpipe until you punch the gas. take your favor to some charity case
if we are sitting in a room and someone starts to give a presentation on my top YouTube videos by view count I can guarantee a CATASTROPHIC technical issue alongside screamed, super vague threats + social engineering to turn everyone against each other
January 26, 2025 at 6:25 PM
if we are sitting in a room and someone starts to give a presentation on my top YouTube videos by view count I can guarantee a CATASTROPHIC technical issue alongside screamed, super vague threats + social engineering to turn everyone against each other
i love when lo-effort insults make you totally give up, some dude called los angeles "Smell-A" and i'm just like fuck....stink does occur here....
January 22, 2025 at 11:34 PM
i love when lo-effort insults make you totally give up, some dude called los angeles "Smell-A" and i'm just like fuck....stink does occur here....
imagine ur at home with your gorgeous, beautiful wife, an entire evening open for passion and absolute pleasure. instead, u say "let's spend $50 and go watch a millionaire boy pretend to be a freaking legend." is there anything more embarrassing and void of passion? (Crumpled on "The Cinema")
January 15, 2025 at 7:53 PM
imagine ur at home with your gorgeous, beautiful wife, an entire evening open for passion and absolute pleasure. instead, u say "let's spend $50 and go watch a millionaire boy pretend to be a freaking legend." is there anything more embarrassing and void of passion? (Crumpled on "The Cinema")
where would you LEAST want your ashes scattered?
December 31, 2024 at 10:40 PM
where would you LEAST want your ashes scattered?
if you can’t notice when the soap opera smoothing effect is enabled on a tv I will never do you a favor
December 28, 2024 at 1:53 AM
if you can’t notice when the soap opera smoothing effect is enabled on a tv I will never do you a favor
applying to jobs reminds me daily that i'm not a disabled veteran and i prob never will be, but i'll do it if that's what it takes
December 19, 2024 at 6:39 PM
applying to jobs reminds me daily that i'm not a disabled veteran and i prob never will be, but i'll do it if that's what it takes
screw the meme, u are not “just a girl.” Ur so freaking spontaneous, brilliance, and drop dead gorgeous baby and I truly want u to know this
December 14, 2024 at 3:59 AM
screw the meme, u are not “just a girl.” Ur so freaking spontaneous, brilliance, and drop dead gorgeous baby and I truly want u to know this
cheers was filmed before a live studio audience.
December 6, 2024 at 8:20 AM
cheers was filmed before a live studio audience.
slams laptop open until dead
December 3, 2024 at 5:32 PM
slams laptop open until dead
*see a modern caveman struggling to remove his flimsy metrocard from his fanny pack to manually slide it at the turnstile*
*tap my Apple Watch Ultra© to pay the MTA seamlessly with BILT rewards card integration*
*make direct eyeroll contact, blast Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song, shake head and laugh*
*tap my Apple Watch Ultra© to pay the MTA seamlessly with BILT rewards card integration*
*make direct eyeroll contact, blast Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song, shake head and laugh*
December 2, 2024 at 9:17 PM
*see a modern caveman struggling to remove his flimsy metrocard from his fanny pack to manually slide it at the turnstile*
*tap my Apple Watch Ultra© to pay the MTA seamlessly with BILT rewards card integration*
*make direct eyeroll contact, blast Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song, shake head and laugh*
*tap my Apple Watch Ultra© to pay the MTA seamlessly with BILT rewards card integration*
*make direct eyeroll contact, blast Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song, shake head and laugh*
the worst thing about having a passion for your career is having no real friends to bore with your passion for your career
December 1, 2024 at 1:10 AM
the worst thing about having a passion for your career is having no real friends to bore with your passion for your career
every holiday season gets a little stressful, but usually my grandfather’s nearly-last words kinda kick things into perspective “nothin wrong with tokin a bong and havin long schlong hahaha”
November 30, 2024 at 9:03 PM
every holiday season gets a little stressful, but usually my grandfather’s nearly-last words kinda kick things into perspective “nothin wrong with tokin a bong and havin long schlong hahaha”
there’s somethin happenin’ here
but what it is ain’t exactly there
but what it is ain’t exactly there
November 28, 2024 at 12:07 AM
there’s somethin happenin’ here
but what it is ain’t exactly there
but what it is ain’t exactly there
i’m THANKFUL for everyone keeping their little life blessings to themselves and not annoying me with them while i’m trying to get this dead bird hot enough in the center that we aren’t all throwing haymakers for a turn at the porcelain come nightfall
November 27, 2024 at 11:57 PM
i’m THANKFUL for everyone keeping their little life blessings to themselves and not annoying me with them while i’m trying to get this dead bird hot enough in the center that we aren’t all throwing haymakers for a turn at the porcelain come nightfall
insane and uncomedic that “very naughty” Benjamin Stiller @benstiller.redhour.com would not purchase a Big Fan a topical christmas gift (old ass hat) in the middle of a Knicks game. no one talk to Ben ok!
November 27, 2024 at 4:26 AM
insane and uncomedic that “very naughty” Benjamin Stiller @benstiller.redhour.com would not purchase a Big Fan a topical christmas gift (old ass hat) in the middle of a Knicks game. no one talk to Ben ok!
when you don’t react to an insta story I’ve secretly/specifically posted for you I remove one strand of your collected hair from the doll I made in your image
November 26, 2024 at 4:22 PM
when you don’t react to an insta story I’ve secretly/specifically posted for you I remove one strand of your collected hair from the doll I made in your image
My Very Energetic Mother Just Seen Using Narcotics
November 26, 2024 at 3:58 AM
My Very Energetic Mother Just Seen Using Narcotics
dances with wolves of London bridge is falling down with the sickness
November 22, 2024 at 3:33 PM
dances with wolves of London bridge is falling down with the sickness
odd coincidence from the future:
Every celeb that appeared in a “got milk?” ad went missing without a trace between May 2031 and January 2033, all with a final withdrawal taken out of the same ATM on the outskirts of Des Moines
Every celeb that appeared in a “got milk?” ad went missing without a trace between May 2031 and January 2033, all with a final withdrawal taken out of the same ATM on the outskirts of Des Moines
November 22, 2024 at 4:21 AM
odd coincidence from the future:
Every celeb that appeared in a “got milk?” ad went missing without a trace between May 2031 and January 2033, all with a final withdrawal taken out of the same ATM on the outskirts of Des Moines
Every celeb that appeared in a “got milk?” ad went missing without a trace between May 2031 and January 2033, all with a final withdrawal taken out of the same ATM on the outskirts of Des Moines