Behold the majestic turkey vulture! The turkey vulture cares not for the state of politics, people or payroll; the turkey vulture knows that all things are one, that death is inevitable and, indeed, necessary.

And if you don't like it, that's fine, it will puke acid on you.

My existential crisis is taking the form of turkey-vulture envy today. Did you know the turkey vulture can projectile vomit up to ten feet as a defense mechanism?

O, to be a turkey vulture, spiraling in the sky, fulfilling a necessary ecological function!

I've never been good at knowing when enough is enough.

I think it's fair to say that this is my primary difficulty in life.

Which isn't that bad a hand to be dealt, if we're being honest. Apparently we're honest these days.

My boss tells me I'm the unofficial culture ambassador, that the warmth is something that can be neither taught nor faked, that this is highly valued and important.

There is still such a thing as "too much".

Is that real, are they actually? No, probably not, but we are all trying to be Professional here, and it's hard to be Professional when someone is acting out someone else's very public breakup, no matter how nice your blazer is.

What made you make one? GLAD YOU ASKED, so I can live-sky the conversations I overhear on the bus, because my coworkers are getting tired of it and, by extension, me.

*hiss*