Later today, I'll be posting jokes telepathically
So if you think of anything funny, that was me
#BadJokeMonday

What musical instrument always has to go to the bathroom
That would be a Peeano
#BadJokeMonday

A Texan went to an Ivy League party on the East Coast. He walks up to a group of young women and asks, “Howdy, which school did y'all go to?” One of the women replied, “Yale.”

The Texan asked again loudly, “WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?”
#BadJokeMonday

My son said to me "Dad, today I watched someone do 50 pushups,

do you think could you do that?"

I said of course son, don't want to brag but I could probably watch someone do 100 pushups
#BadJokeMonday

Did you know the National Weather Service has successfully predicted
10 of the last 3 Snow Storms
#BadJokeMonday

Studies show that people with very high IQs tend to be very lazy
or something like that, I didn't read the whole thing
#BadJokeMonday

AI is getting so advance that it'll be able to replace 90% of jobs,
except politicians,
Because even AI can't figure out how to be that useless and still get paid
#BadJokeMonday

So, Elon Musk is getting offended that people are calling Tesla cars "Swasticars"
He's Fuhrious about it
#BadJokeMonday

Do you know why Patrick Mahomes wears #15?
Because that's how many penalty yards there are if you touch him
#BadJokeMonday

My wife joined a support group for women who talk too much....
It's called "On Anonanonanon."
#BadJokeMonday

My son asked my wife why I always make noises when I stand up
She told him it was because I'm a groan man!
#BadJokeMonday

Think about this,
Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas
when it was just called the Gulf of Mexico
They never had a blizzard warning
#BadJokeMonday

It is really cold today
It's so cold I saw Grandpa's teeth chattering
and they were still in the glass
#BadJokeMonday

Knock Knock
Who's there
Bumblebee
Bumblebee who
This week you're bum will be cold if you don't wear pants
#BadJokeMonday

Amazon has started a new dating service, based on matching people who buy the same things as you,
It's called PrimeMates
#BadJokeMonday

last night someone broke into our house and took a dozen eggs
Weirdly, they left a sauce pan of warm water
Police believe it was poachers
#BadJokeMonday

After a long day I like to sit down with some adult beverages
Ensure & Metamucil
#BadJokeMonday

Old age is like everything else
To make a success of it, you've got to start young
#BadJokeMonday

Here's the difference between being young and being old.
When you are young and you drop something, you pick it up
When you are old and you drop something, you ask, "Do I REALLY need that"
#BadJokeMonday

I'm never going to be asked to go caroling again.
In hindsight though, I guess singing, "Do you hear what I hear" was not a good choice at the mental hospital
#BadJokeMonday

I decided to stop shopping on cyber Monday,
when the computer asked if I needed another shopping cart
#BadJokeMonday

My Mom finally got the courage to bring my Dad's urn into the living room and she put it up on the mantle.
It was a bittersweet moment, cause Dad was sitting there watching TV
#BadJokeMonday

I went to an urologist yesterday,
and on the bottom of his appointment card,
it had the Dr's pronouns - we/we
#BadJokeMonday

According to my new chocolate Advent calendas
There are only four more days until Christmas
#BadJokeMonday

I tried a non alcoholic beer one time
And now I know n ow what my favorite ingredient in beer is
#BadJokeMonday

While chatting with my Spanish neighbor, I asked if they could tell me what 'por supesto' meant.
They said, "Of course."
After an awkward pause, I'm like "Well...?"
#BadJokeMonday

Hello World!!